This has been discussed at length on this thread:
https://www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/213041-Yeshiva-didnt-prepare-us
I personally don't think that trying to find fault in "the system" is healthy, for any area, let alone addiction or whatever you want to call it. 

I heard a rabbi for at-risk teens once say to his "boys": "For years, I defended you and allowed you to blame everyone. Your parents who didn't care, your uncle who molested you, your school that kicked you out, etc. But, at a certain point, you have to get up off your behind and ask yourself what YOU are going to do with your life."
We have all been dealt a heavy hand. Whether it's our marriage, our schools, or everyone around us. The question we have to ask ourselves is what WE are going to do about it. And I think that is how we have to educate our kids too. They need to know that no matter what their yeshivos deal with or don't, they can ask any question they want from us without fear of being put down, and we can say "I don't know" and then go find an answer.

Grant400 wrote on 16 Feb 2021 15:19:

Hi Grant, I consider you a role model when it comes to being so open and honest.
They say that "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection." And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things not people."

So let's stay connected and we'll be able to keep on growing with Hashem's help!

bego wrote on 16 Feb 2021 14:48:

Agreed. And there are also ways to improve/maximize/replenish willpower, but essentially it is limited.

I think they call it white nuckling in AA if you just rely on self control, which is another way of saying, it won't work long term, and you need to work on yourself.

bego wrote on 16 Feb 2021 14:48:

Or working on the surface without fixing the core issue. Are you playing Whack-a-mole?

Hy wrote on 16 Feb 2021 11:08:

Funny that, isn't it. You'd think its the opposite as people talk about having self-control like its something you have or you don't. I find its more complicated than that and I have a limited amount of will-power I can apply to different places.  

Striving Avreich wrote on 15 Feb 2021 08:54:

I heard a figure similar to this, also from someone who heard it directly from R' Volbe. It really helped me at the time, feel so normal. It kind of puts things into perspective.

bego wrote on 09 Feb 2021 17:30:

Haha I am actually noticing that when i'm on any sort of streak my other vices get magnified. Hopefully i'll learn to have control with those other things when i can kick this addiction!

Lou wrote on 15 Feb 2021 04:34:

My Rebbi told me that R' Volbe told him that R' Elya Lopian told him that in his day as a Mashgiach, 99% of Bochrim had mz"l. this obvioulsy not to say that they were addicted, did it multiple times or struggled with it for many years, but still.

Benoni wrote on 14 Feb 2021 21:07:

Here's a tip

Reward yourself if everything went well for a certain amount of time-- Doing this attaches a positive feeling and sense of accomplishment to a goal often associated with negative feelings. This in turn makes it much easier for the person to put in the effort needed to battle his yetzer hora. The reward need not be something large; it can even be a small item such as a pen, book, or certain food. Although this suggestion may sound a little simple, it could be very helpful.

Thank u realestatemogul! Honestly my goal (and I'm not sure rlly sure this qualifies as a goal) is not just to quit p and m but quit my addiction to the internet in general. Realistically tho, I'm setting about to abstain from p and m for the month of Adar. 

Steps:

• Installing filters on my devices
• Deleting anything that can cause me to fall from my phone
• Going straight to GYE site anytime I feel I'm about to fall
• Update my thread here regularly for added accountability
• Get a partner on the partner program to talk with

Open to any other ideas anyone has!

jewregonnamakeit wrote on 12 Feb 2021 20:55:

Welcome to GYE! You did a smart move by posting on this great forum. 

Here is a tip...

Make this your top priority

• If you feel that you’re not making enough progress with breaking free, try making this your very top priority for the next month. If you’re focusing on too many areas of life at once, it’s much harder to give any of them proper attention.
  
  We're looking forward to participating in your journey... 
  Lot's of HATZLACHA!!

Hi everyone. I've been married a few months and have struggled with this addiction for many years. Last year, when I got engaged, I began tracking my progress in breaking free. I've had some moderate success with two 40+ day streaks of sobriety, but unfortunately I haven't been able to continue much longer. I just recently broke a 10 day streak, which was my longest in a while.



I work from home much of the time, which of course isn't helpful. I have some filters going that I just strengthened. Hopefully that will help. I've also admitted my problem to my therapist, the first person I ever told about it. I recently realized that with my streak starting this Shabbos, I will be able to hit 90 days near the first anniversary of my engagement. I hope to turn this into an opportunity.



I'm hoping to keep this thread active for extra accountability. Happy to try any tips anyone has as well. Glad to be a part of this community!

Zedj wrote on 12 Feb 2021 05:40:

Thanks Zedj! 

To me the big issue when I first got here was reconciling what I believed to be chassidus vs what was being taught here. For a while I thought many people on here where borderline kofrim.

Living with the problem so long, I believed I had all the answers in chassidus and Torah. If only I would truly follow that path I would break free. 

After a while I came to realize, not only did I need help, but I never really understood the Torah or Chassidus path. As we know Ein Chavush Mattie Es Atzmo. I read everything In the wrong way. (Or it was taught to me in the wrong way )

I would be very interested in such a thread.

In regards to the above:

There is a website stumptherabbi.org/
There are alot of interesting questions answered in regards to yiddishkeit in general.

The Alter Rebbe says (loose quote), instead of so many chassidim coming for yechidus the Tanya will answer any question a person might have.

So the question arises as @HakoelHevel mentioned, is tanya the answer to our "addiction"?

In one of the videos ( stumptherabbi.org/?s=Tanya )
In short, no. Tanya doesn't replace a therapist. Tanya is for the average guy with a regular yetzer hora.

tahoreiniyim wrote on 08 Feb 2021 20:49:

Tool 1 : STOP
make a decision to STOP, just for today. The past is gone, and the future is not in our hands.

Deciding to stop does not mean that we won’t ever fall again or that we’ll succeed in staying stopped forever on our first try. However, it does mean that we are committed to trying, by being open minded to internalizing the principles and tools discussed in this program which have helped hundreds, if not thousands, break free.

Often we thought that if we would only feed the lust a little bit more and give it what it really wants, it would leave us alone. But it is exactly the opposite. Our sages have said: "There is a small organ in a man, if one feeds it - it is hungry, if one starves it - it is satiated". Although it is hard to stop and we may likely even experience withdrawal symptoms for a while, the more we successfully stay stopped in the short term, the easier it will get in the long term. Knowing this Yesod can make a huge difference.

We must realize that the Yetzer Hara/addiction wants our soul, not the pleasure. Otherwise, why is a thousand times never enough? Keep this 12-Step saying in mind: "Just once is too much, and a thousand times is never enough."

The Steipler Gaon points out in the first volume of Krayna D'igrisah that anyone who keeps away from these forbidden pleasures is promised to receive the pleasures of life from other areasinstead. And it follows that those who accept upon themselves the suffering that breaking-free entails, will save themselves much suffering in other areas of life.

Once we have decided we want to STOP, just for today, we are ready to read the rest of this handbook to learn the many tools, tips and techniques that can help us STAY STOPPED.