anonymous.lost.everything wrote on 13 Oct 2021 03:20:

I haven't been following the conversation at all (because "easy peasy" methods don't speak to me; truthfully, now, "shverer kishuy" methods don't speak to me as well), but if you'd like to befriend a sex addict, I'm available.

It's very hard to be motivated when the addiction rewards us in such a powerful way and immediately. Still, if you want to approach your problem from that standpoint there are therapists and books that can help with motivation.

Recently I joined SA and I do find the fellowship tremendously motivating. But it was at the end of a long intellectual journey.

Okay later on if you decide that you want to be friends with some sex addicts I hope you'll come back.

HEY SLOW DOWN!!!

I’ve been meaning to ask who the author of the Peasy method is, because you sort of announced the article at the same date that it was printed, so I was wondering if it’s yours?

PAGE 106
“There are many competing methods for overcoming addiction, each with different success rates. I’m not going to mention any of them because most of them are a waste of time and I want to keep this as short as possible.”

No professional would write like that!

I wish you would consider the possibility...that the personality traits that you think are causing the addiction, are actually caused by the addiction!

If you need a support group, by all means keep at it, you're doing great! You can also look into SMART recovery, you might like it.

You should know something about 12 Step groups (AA, SA, etc). They have an abysmal abstinence rate. It's so low (less than 5%) that it calls into question whether the steps do anything. (Polite way of saying that they don't do anything. Look into 1970's Dr. Valient, board member and lover of AA, who did a study on AA here) No one told me this before I started going to SA. I had so many questions and stiros m'nei u'bei about everything I heard and read about in SA and AA, but I pushed it aside, because "it works, so whatever." Get this clear in your mind regarding the steps:I'm not saying don't go, because you might still get some utility out of a peer support group; additionally, you might feel less shame and guilt after meeting with other addicted persons. But know this: Bill Wilson's spiritual experience was caused by an LSD trip. He tried to make it part of the steps but it never stuck. Also, LSD became illegal, so there's that.

Bill Wilson called smoking the "hardest addiction to break".

Well, Allen Carr's Easyway has a 90% success rate at their stop smoking seminars for helping people stop smoking for at least 12 months! If Billy says it's the hardest addiction, and Easyway has a 90% success rate vs. 12 Steps 5% success rate, then Kal v'Chomer Easyway is at least 18 times better than 12 step. Easy Peasy is an adaptation of Easyway for porn addiction. You owe it to yourself to read it. You'll be no worse off than you are now. On the contrary; you stand high chances of making enormous gains!

AA, SA and 12 steps are no more than a sham and a religious cult. That's why Bill Wilson's house is now a religious shrine. They only exist because they had first mover advantage in the late 1930's, and have stuck around since then by grifting every well-meaning medical professional and clergy member that they could swindle, and by employing their members in expensive, government and insurance funded rehab centers that also don't work as they're just glorified AA. It's not the members' fault. They were swindled by Bill Wilson, who was partially swindled by Frank Buchman, the Hitler-loving founder of the Oxford Group, which is EXACTLY the same thing as AA, even though Wilson says he changed stuff in the Big Book. He didn't. Everything AA says is a lie, and that's because Bill Wilson was a liar, in addition to being a thief (stole the rights to the Big Book from the first 100 members (50% of whom relapsed within 6 months of the book's publication, btw))and a womanizer. What a great, spiritual guy, right?

It's not the people in AA's fault: they were lied to themselves by previous members who in turn were lied to by Billy Wilson and Dr. Bob (also a terrible guy). I don't hate them, but I do resent and pity them. That's right. A resentment. Deal with it, Roy K.!

I'll take my porn-free life and keep it moving. Trust your judgement, and don't let the steppers make you think you're a bad person. You're not bad, you're not dumb, and you don't lack willpower. You are just one of many that fell into the subtle trap of addiction. Good news! There's an easy way to pull yourself out, it's called EasyPeasy, and you should read it or listen to the audiobook!

ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 11 Oct 2021 22:04:

I think that argument applies very much to the average skeptic, and I agree with it. But in my case I can show the necessity of a support group in cases like mine, and making the addiction go away is not a desirable goal, because the good sides of me are also the addiction, so when the addiction goes away for good I'll be nothing at all.

I do believe that there are two kinds of people who have compulsions, and your tools probably work very well for the other kind.

anonymous.lost.everything wrote on 11 Oct 2021 20:38:

Look, if you want to go to meetings that's cool. But what if quitting could be easy and even fun? What if it were just like dropping an object from your hand that you had been holding onto very tightly? Think about it.

What if all of the things that you did while in addiction weren't because you are a bad person? What if all of the things you think you need to fix about yourself are not causing the addiction, but are caused by the addiction? You really have nothing to lose by reading the book: if it's not for you, you have nothing to lose. If it works for you, you will have gained tremendously. There's even a free audiobook linked in the beginning.

As for 108 pages, it's really less than that due to some blanks. Also, if you're in SA they ask you to read the Big Book of AA (164 + 412 of stories = 576 pages), the SA white book (212 pages), along with all kinds of AA and SA literature, like Came to Believe (121 pages), 12 & 12 (192 pages), Recovery Continues, Step into Action, and so on. I've read all those books and more, we're talking multiple books and hundreds of pages. I've also spent hundreds of hours in meetings. What's 108 pages? That's nothing!

chancy wrote on 11 Oct 2021 20:11:

Do you get pleasure out of sticking a needle in your arm and injecting heroine into your vein? If you're not a heroine user (I assume) then you don't. Because obviously, sticking a needle in your arm isn't a pleasurable activity.
But a heroine user will get pleasure from doing so, even before the dope gets into their bloodstream! 

They're not getting actual pleasure, they're getting the idea of pleasure, namely they feel bad due to withdrawal, and when they relieve their withdrawal by taking the drug that caused it in the first place they feel a little better, and that convinces them that they're getting actual pleasure. Where's the pleasure?

Your pulse surges. I know that feeling, your breath quickens, right? That's not pleasure, that's not how I feel when I enjoy a genuine pleasure. If you're interested in learning more, check out the book.

Markz wrote on 11 Oct 2021 02:42:

Some people ask "Does it work, though?" without bothering to check it out themselves. They're either skeptical that it will really work, or they're scared that they'll miss their friend: porn.

Don't know what a header is.

If I was misleading, I would lie and say I haven't had any lapses since I read the book first. The book is based on Allen Carr's Easyway, which I've used to "successfully" quit 2 other addictions; successfully being a term used to refer to long term non-use.

"Fully clean" is another one of those terms. What does that even mean? An arbitrary length of time after which others accept that you're never going to use again? Are you there to see the physical and mental signs of recovery that I go through in the first couple of days and weeks of abstinence? Are you there when I have a lapse and can see that my tolerance and de-sensitization have dropped considerably? Respectfully: I'm fully clean when I say so, just as I'm only addicted when I say so. If someone else thinks differently, they're entitled to their opinion; I've got opinions, too. It's the Internet, we've all got opinions here.

Every lapse of mine has lead to greater understanding of what I had previously not understood. There's no shame in a lapse of non-use. It's an opportunity to find out where you went wrong, and allows you to fix it. It's not a desirable outcome, certainly, but it doesn't mean you throw the baby out with the bath water and join a religious cult.

It's very interesting that the easy peasy method requires a 108-page tome.

I know excellent, powerful tools to control my lust. This is more than most people can claim. But once I mastered these tools I hit the original problem (what they call psychic pain) and I decided that I want to develop an addiction or die, because the root cause of it all is absolutely intolerable.

I also realized that my entire life has been pivoting around my addiction. Addiction is not just an attitude and a distortion, it's an entire mind, a personality. Trying to control that person, while technically succesful, was not a good goal, and I hurt a lot of people very badly while I tinkered with it. That is why I joined SA. It's the way I would view God and the world if I could live my life all over again.

But I believe that most people are not like me. They can end the compulsion using mental tools.

I understand what the point you are making. 
However, i dont understand how you get around the fact that whatever chemical watching porn or being aroused, releases, feels very good and it creates a craving. I can tell myself till tomorrow that its not real and everything but the blissful feeling is real and that what addictions do. Same way a drug addict cant just convince themselves that its not real. because  the pleasure is very real. I have very strong filters everywhere and im planning on never looking at any type of indecency anywhere. I havent seen anything bad in months. But when i come in contact with a unfiltered device or anything that i used to use for pleasure back in the day, i still get a surge of pleasure in my heart and my pulse increases for a few seconds and then i move on. But i dont now how to rewqire my brain to forget that pleasure that i used to have.

Welcome Avrohom!
You've come to the right place and with the help of Hashem you'll keep on growing and becoming stronger and better.

I'm happy to work with you on looking into SMART recovery as a tool and support for yourself. 

The first concept in SMART Recovery is the Stages of Change.
There are six main stages of change in addiction recovery: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance and termination. Although people can move through these stages in order, it’s also common for people to go between stages, forward and backward, or be in more than one stage at a time. However, observing the stages of change as a sequential cycle helps to visualize how change occurs, as well as how addictive behavior can be treated and managed.

1. Precontemplation

In the first stages of addiction recovery, a person usually does not consider their behavior to be an issue. Perhaps they’ve not experienced any adverse consequences as a result of their behavior, or they’re in denial about the severity of their behavior and the consequences they’ve experienced.

During this stage, a person’s addictive behavior is generally positive, maybe even pleasant, and hasn’t led to any negative consequences. At this point, they aren’t interested in hearing advice to quit or being told about potentially harmful side effects.

2. Contemplation

Contemplators have realized that they have a problem. They may want to change, but don’t feel like they can fully commit to it. In this stage, a person is often more receptive to learning about the potential consequences of their behavior and the different options available.

But they’re still contemplating. They haven’t yet made a change by committing to a specific strategy. The contemplation stage can last for years. Sometimes, they move on to the next stage, or they revert to precontemplation.

3. Preparation

A person is committed and ready to take action. They might meet with a health care professional to assess where they are and determine options for a long-term treatment plan.

4. Action

Real change–that is, a change in behavior–starts at this stage. For many people, the action stage begins in a detox or residential treatment center where clinical and medical professionals can navigate a person through the early stages of recovery.

In this stage, a person will engage in treatment that addresses the underlying causes of addiction. Individual and group therapy help a person better understand addiction and themselves, and alternative, complementary therapies promote holistic wellness, bolstering recovery. The action stage will also equip a person with healthy, effective strategies for coping with stress and triggers that help them progress through the maintenance stage without experiencing relapse.

5. Maintenance & Relapse

It takes time and effort to sustain any change. In the maintenance stage, a person begins to adapt to their new substance-free lifestyle. As they build momentum, reverting to old habits gradually becomes less of a threat.

However, substance use disorder is a chronic disease. As with all chronic diseases, the risk of relapse will always be present. Despite acquiring the skills and tools in the action stage necessary to avoid relapse, a relapse may still occur. But it isn’t a sign of failure or weakness. It’s possible to become sober again–it just means more specialized treatment is required.

6. Termination

The ultimate goal for the stages of change is termination: when a person with substance use disorder no longer feels threatened by their substance of choice. At this stage, they feel confident and comfortable living life without substances and fear relapse less and less every day.

The stages of change may seem intimidating to someone who is contemplating or early in recovery. But knowing what you can expect can help you advance through these stages more confidently. 


Once you internalize this concept, we can move on to the next phases f the SMART recovery program.

ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 08 Oct 2021 20:11:

I don't get disgusted after a porn session.
I save tabs and look at them again.
Porn is beautiful and enjoyable for me, especially the kind I like.
[Personally, I have a hunch that this whole dopamine business is a load of crock, but maybe not.]

Oh well, not every method will work for everyone.

ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 10 Oct 2021 14:46:

Why should anyone be skeptical? The idea is sound. It can remove some of the pressure. 

But the header is still misleading where you advertise and easy method to get clean, yet on the other hand it hasn’t helped you to get fully clean… So I’m confused. 

Lou wrote on 06 Dec 2020 21:03:


new.recoveryzone.com/PublicSurvey/Home
the sast test is very good, but under 10 i dont think needs real addiction style help and gye should be good enough for him