yechielmichel wrote on 10 Jun 2022 14:16:

Very well written.

frank.lee wrote on 11 Jun 2022 23:52:

I'm addicted to secular music videos and yeah it helped me reach 40 days for now. I think I should stop maybe that's my next goal...

I would also add some identifying Characteristics of Sex and Porn Addicts, so you can review and try to identify where you stand...

1. Addicts use sexual fantasy and masturbation to avoid feelings.
2. Compulsive sexuality becomes a drug, used to escape emotional and psychological discomfort.
3. porn addicts can be frozen by romantic and sexual obsessions, neglecting other aspects of life.
4. Sex and porn become a distraction, a time-killer, a reward, and a punishment.
5. Porn are used as a replacement for self-esteem, (temporarily) helping users feel validated and complete.
6. porn is used for intensity and excitement, and to cover ever-increasing feelings of emptiness.
7. sex is compartmentalized, rather than holistically integrated into life.
8. Sexually compulsive people struggle to distinguish between sex, love, and affection.
9. Other people are idealized and endowed with “magical” qualities, with the magic disappearing after acting out.
10. addicts are often drawn to emotionally unavailable and/or abusive partners.
11. In relationships, addicts feel smothered. Out of relationships, they feel empty and incomplete.
12. addicts often find that the desperation of their need to connect makes true intimacy nearly impossible.
13. When  addicts are in a relationship, it’s not enough for them, and they continue to chase other people and relationships.
14. Addicts, no matter how many relationships they’re in and how much sex they’re having, feel isolated and alone.

I'm not saying you need a clinical diagnosis one way or another.

But in general there seems to be 2 approaches. One is the addict approach which says my life is unmanageable and I'm powerless over it. And come to recognize that even the slightest hint of anything would be dangerous for me. And I submit to hashem to help me with this and I take baby steps One Day at a time. Once an addict always an addict. It's something that is with me for life.

The other approach says that I have the power to overcome this challenge. It is possible for me to succeed at this. I will succeed at this using my power and tools available to me. Of course some of those tools include minimizing exposure to temptation. But it's not that I am powerless over my temptation and can only hope that I will not fail. Rather I am confident that it's something I can overcome. Eventually as I get a handle on this area of my life it will fall to the back burner and be on autopilot.

What difference does it make whether I'm clinically diagnosed as an addict by an expert? I've been struggling on and off for a long time.

When I look at other people's journeys, the struggles they go through long term, and their avoidance of triggers etc. what I say to myself is "that's me". It definitely be seen as a downer but not necessarily. One might even say it's refreshing to look at yourself as you really are without blinders and gives new purpose. That's how I feel right now.

One cannot diagnose from an anonymous forum, so please take what i write with more than a few grains of salt. 



What you describe sounds like the actions of an addict. You wrote that you have done this in the past as well - spending a large amount of money to by a device and then destroy it shortly after. If this has happened a few times it probably would be advisable to get a sponsor from SA involved. SA works BH very well for the great guys who are addicts and honest about it. SA is not a death sentence - it is a lifesaver for those who need it. Of course this post is just my opinion.

Kavey wrote on 10 Jun 2022 04:29:

Do you have clarity wether you are an addict?

i think it would be helpful to consult with someone and determine that now.

That wll guide your approach.

Looking at it from a non addict perspective, this last post of yours is setting yourself for falling, and contestant sstruggle 

Day 17
I think I'm starting to come around to long term battle/ODAAT mindset. Also to the idea of hopefully not but potentially having slips and falls along the road.

This perspective may not work for everyone but if I were chas v'shalom a sex offender and created my own fences which I could tear down if I really wanted to (even if I had partners, support groups etc.) and there was temptation constantly in my face (and let's say there were no cops) would anyone be surprised if I fell? I think they would be amazed that I lasted this long And then to get up, brush off and keep on trucking? That feels almost L'Maalah min Hateva

Are we that different, really?

This may be demoralizing for some but I actually find it refreshing. The mishna in Avos admonishes 'don't believe in yourself until the day you die'. R' Pincus mentions that they found in the Kabbalos of the Atler of Kelm 'not to be a complete Rasha'. All this to say that even those who aren't addicted have the potential to fall to the bottom...how much more so those of us who have already tasted forbidden pleasures.

I think the other aspect is that there is a part of me who says 'but aren't I cut out for better things than constantly fighting this yetzer hara of arayos (or P&M in my case)'? And I think the true answer is...no! This is my tafkid now. Perhaps prior to this it didn't have to be a focus but it does now. Not to say other things in my life don't have high priority but I imagine in Shamayim in my goals for the year, P&M are gonna be there in the top 3 or 5 for the rest of my life along with being nice to the wife and kids (and torah learning, davening of course).

DiamondWithAFlaw wrote on 09 Jun 2022 15:24:

Right. It’s a great story. And it happens to be his shiurim about all the scary things that will happen to you did frighten me, but it still wasn’t a tool to stop watching p***. Instead it woke me up that I need to find a way to stop it.

Larry Bird wrote on 06 Apr 2022 20:29:

Larry, 

I have listened to many of his shiurim and while I agree that it is not very helpful for us addicts, I will say 2 things:

1 - if you have not watched his video about how he became frum, I suggest you do so. It is incredibly inspiring and unbelievably fascinating (in my opinion) and it gives a whole new prospective on his mehalech. 

2 - my father was a sexaholic for a long time. He is now is his low 70's and for the last 8 years he has been bedridden and has been suffering tremendous yesurim. He is now in the hospital for a while in a horrible situation and much pain. His body is breaking down. When I look at his pityfull situation I can't help but think of R' Yaron's shiurim because he talks about this happening quite a bit. 

Why not take it with a grain of salt? Just saying... Take it or leave it. I don't disagree with what others have said here. 

Hatzlocha, 

-Diamond 

moshe rabbi wrote on 02 Jun 2022 17:30:

Welcome moshe rabbi!
As you see from your story that it was the isolation that pushed you into lusting. So the best thing that might help you is the opposite from isolation. 
Now is the time to connect to someone on a real honest level and Hashem will help you heal. 

You're Chasidish, so I'll write some tips from the “Tzetyl Kattan” of the Noam Elimelech...

• Find yourself a Rabbi or a good friend that you can share all of your evil thoughts and imaginations that go against the Torah. Don’t omit anything because of shame. This breaks the power of the Evil Inclination from influencing you. In addition you will receive good advice from your friend. This is highly worth it.

• Overcome your bad habits by acting in the complete opposite for 40 consecutive days. If you are lazy, then act extremely vigilant, etc. In all of your actions act with diligence rather than laxity. When you wake up, or go to work, or when organizing yourself.

hi everyone 

I'm a chasidish yingerman what have one issue beside my addiction to p..n 

my issue is that its hard for me to type in Yiddish .. 

​so i sign up on this English site maybe here i will post more which is very good for me

i start already my story in the yiddish site

​basically like everyone here...

was 12-13 years when i start.. having fun  with my self... 

i didn't have a close relationship to any one no friends no rabbis no parents 
I'm not blaming no one its just the fact how it was and my opinion is that this is the reason why i reached to lust 
lust was for me the best and only thing where i felt good (just till it came...)

I don't think this is a loophole with apple screentime unless you've been told otherwise by TAG. And if you have been told that, the information may be outdated. Apple doesn't let you sign out of your device due to the restrictions (but this may be because I'm using apple screentime specifically while I'm a part of a family group) and "erase all content and settings" is grayed out and it doesn't work when pressed (this may also be when using apple screentime with a family group) although you can reset "all settings". If it's an option for you try to get a reliable friend who knows about your issues with the internet to add you to their family group and just make sure to tell him not to allow certain apps, like browsers etc. I did this recently and actually with a jew who's more or less secular (because I was raised in an irreligious background) and he's actually been very helpful.

In regards to setting whitelists on computer, you are 100% right of how that's subject to abuse but if you set a good partner as a "family organizer" who's in charge of the list it will decrease that by a lot but only if he visits those sites himself to check them out first. You should also check out NativUSA, even though it's a paid filter, because they have a free list of kosher websites available for you to add on your own list here, just in case you ever need them. It's pretty expansive despite it being only a sample. Also, for me personally at this point in my journey, I decided to buy paid filters that use AI, like NativUSA, because that's really the safest option if you need access to new sites constantly. At first I really didn't want to spend any money at all but at this point getting rid of this addiction is my top priority and the money I spend is relatively cheap compared to the importance of that. Especially when you combine that with spending long periods of time behind a screen which is a trigger for me. So I really recommend you get something like this for your computer and if filters like NativUSA and netspark seem a little too costly then check out webchaver's filtering which costs only $2.00 a month and it's surprisingly good too even though it's not AI based. I use that in addition to Gentech (which uses the same technology as nativusa by the way).

That depends on what you were doing the count for if it was for mastrubation and you didn't so fine. If it was not to watch videos then it is.

Hey does it mean I fell if I watched some videos? It was really hard for me to stop myselftoday.