Welcome, Guest

Advanced Search

Search Results

Searched for: addict
14 Sep 2022 02:41

Vehkam

It is difficult to put into words the awesomeness of the state that i find myself in tonight. 

I started therapy just under six months ago.  I was fully invested. All in. I laid everything out on the table.  My goals were clear.  I wanted to understand the bad decisions that i had made in life. What propelled me to risk so much and to become so absorbed in a life that was so diametrically opposed to the ideals and morals that i believed in.  How did i blindly make decisions that would negatively impact decades of my life.  

I wanted to get to know myself.  Really know myself.  Was i one person or was i two people competing for the same resources?  Can i walk away from a part of me that has been intimately involved in my decision making for so much time? Is the person that i portray to others the real me, or is that fake too? Who am I?  

I got divorced in December 2020.  I had a very good reputation.  The person i portrayed was kind, caring, considerate and knew how to learn. There was not a single person who knew about my struggles.   I received many phone calls immediately to find out if i would listen to shidduchim.  (one of the dayanim on the beis din called me the day of the get!) I was told that i was a catch.  I told everyone who asked that I needed time. 

The guilt I felt every time i received one of these phone calls was terrible.  I felt like i was fooling everyone.  Yet I did not know how to change that.  I continued my double life until November 1, 2021.  That is when I committed to go clean.  To gain clarity and to figure out who I really am.  To decide if I was going to spend the rest of my life with a proper wife or without one and chasing desire.  

It took a couple of months to get the courage to speak to Relief and then another few months to get the right appointment in March 2022 with the therapist that I wanted.  I stated my goals and jumped right in.

In a nutshell i can tell you that all of my questions were answered.  I know what drove me to do the things I did.  (I still take responsibility for the bad decisions, but I understand why they happened.)  I know who i was.  I am not bound to the world that I lived in and I can walk away confidently without looking over my shoulder to see if that world will keep following me.  I can say with conviction that neither person, not the religious portrayal and not the one acting out, was the real me.  

Sure, there were elements of goodness in me.  The portrayal that people saw was the person that I wanted to be. But i was not that person.  I did not have the clarity, the understanding or the backbone to truly be that person.  And when the lights were dimmed and I thought no one was looking I did not have the wherewithal to be that person at all.

From November 1, 2021 until today i have worked hard to find my inner essence.  To connect with my true self without any outside impediments.  Since I started working with a therapist in March 2022, we have sifted through the emotions, the feelings, the actions and the reactions.  Over time a picture developed and clarity started to set in.  As a clear picture emerged, so did my sense of self.  I am no longer attached to the part of me that felt a need to chase after desire.  My choices are solely and clearly guided by my inner longing to be close to hashem.  The person that I used to portray is now the person that I actually am (with a much deeper emotional connection that is not visible to the uninformed).  My inner and outer self are no longer in conflict.

All this brings me to the reason that I am posting tonight.  Today is a momentous day in my journey!  I have bh reached the point that I am ready to look for a shidduch.  I did not think this would happen, yet here I am! I am cautiously optimistic that I will find someone that will appreciate my emotional intensity and vulnerability.  I know that what I portray is the real me and that together with the right person I can continue to grow in my avodas hashem.  In the past I may have felt hesitant and unworthy.  Today I feel confident and genuine.

How does one go from being steeped in the most decadent behaviors available to being connected to hashem at such a deep level? All that in less than a year! It is not explainable. But it is also clear that I am a different person.   My gratitude to hashem is boundless.  So too is my appreciation for all those here.  For the comments, for the likes.  For the PM’s and for the emails.  Each one of them breathed life into me.  With every positive response my confidence was boosted another notch. I continue to daven for your success each and every day.

Lest you think that I am celebrating prematurely, let me assure you that I celebrate only the opportunity to continue along this path.  My work will not be complete until the day that my body returns to the earth from which it was formed.  I am not oblivious to the vulnerabilities and predispositions that can affect me should I let down my guard or cease striding forward.  Indeed there are still sore points that may never fully heal.  For example, at this point I will not go into a men’s mikva where I may encounter men in a state of undress.   This is not because of ssa.  The nature of having been so steeped in decadence is that any unclothed body in a (semi) public setting  is a reminder of feelings that I wish to avoid.  I don’t believe anything terrible would happen to me, but it is uncomfortable and I will avoid it until that changes.

The most important lesson I have learned from my long and painful experience is to not judge anyone.  My story could have had a very different ending.  I could have been found out and exposed for the stuff that I was doing.  I could have lost my friends, my family and my reputation.  There are many people that lost all that.  They were ostracized by their communities.  I am sure that they, just like myself, always wanted to be good people and somehow got sidetracked and fell into bad habits and addictions.  Their story is my story.  Hashem saw fit to grant me a different ending and a new chance at life.  I will not let him down.  It is my sincerest hope that I can continue to inspire and that hashem grant  you the clarity and inner peace that you are each striving to attain.

With feelings of happiness and gratitude,

vehkam

13 Sep 2022 15:44

Vehkam

YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Sep 2022 02:56:
Update: B’kitzur, things have been horrible.

Been watching tons of porn and masterbating.

Had massive fight with my dad motzei shabbos which led to me breaking down crying like nuts for a bunch of hours about being abused and them not being there for me.

Horrific and painful and hard to move on.



Pretty weak etc, parents bh are more understanding now. Should prob go to therapy again together.

Was hoping this was mostly behind me that I can move on.



Unbearable pain obv has led me to more porn/masterbating.

How have access?

Getting through filter loopholes etc.

Idk anymore, there’s really always a way and with this job it’s not shayach to ditch this phone rn.



Also I said how I’m such a tzadik for not having youtube on my iPhone but meanwhile brought a laptop which haven’t put a filter yet.

And have been badly nichshal once already.



So so much going on.

Trying to keep the job stable, teaching Torah and conveying real yosodos in hashkafa to these highschool kids for 4/5 hours a day.

But everything’s falling apart around me.



And btw, haven’t heard shofar yet even… So basically I’m a wreck and don’t see a way out.



Please comment, I want you too. but please don’t be too harsh because I’m in a lot of pain.




Guy

Yeshiva Guy -
i feel your pain.   please don't be too harsh on yourself either.  When things seem bleekest and toughest is when every small effort that you do is worth so much more.  I agree with Cordnoy - put the sex addiction aside for now. Don't look at this as a failure.  This is simply strategic planning.  You are being challenged in many ways right now.  One thing at a time you will grow and you will get though it.

You will always be Yeshiva Guy to us no matter how down you might be feeling.

heartfelt best wishes
vehkam
Category: Introduce Yourself
13 Sep 2022 13:50

Hashem Help Me

cordnoy wrote on 13 Sep 2022 13:41:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Sep 2022 02:56:
Update: B’kitzur, things have been horrible.

Been watching tons of porn and masterbating.

Had massive fight with my dad motzei shabbos which led to me breaking down crying like nuts for a bunch of hours about being abused and them not being there for me.

Horrific and painful and hard to move on.



Pretty weak etc, parents bh are more understanding now. Should prob go to therapy again together.

Was hoping this was mostly behind me that I can move on.



Unbearable pain obv has led me to more porn/masterbating.

How have access?

Getting through filter loopholes etc.

Idk anymore, there’s really always a way and with this job it’s not shayach to ditch this phone rn.



Also I said how I’m such a tzadik for not having youtube on my iPhone but meanwhile brought a laptop which haven’t put a filter yet.

And have been badly nichshal once already.



So so much going on.

Trying to keep the job stable, teaching Torah and conveying real yosodos in hashkafa to these highschool kids for 4/5 hours a day.

But everything’s falling apart around me.



And btw, haven’t heard shofar yet even… So basically I’m a wreck and don’t see a way out.



Please comment, I want you too. but please don’t be too harsh because I’m in a lot of pain.




Guy

Godspeed to you. Life can suck.

From readin' your story, it is my humble opinion that you should forget about the porn, masturbation, talkin' to girls, lookin' at their cleavage, etc. It should not be on your radar at all! Get a hold of your life. Make a schedule, stick to it, accomplish what you need to, work with your therapist on all your emotions and feelin's, and when time comes that all that stuff has settled down, work on your sex addiction, but not until then. If you have trouble prayin' on the High Holy Days, for you went thru 2.5 boxes of tissues since the onset of Selichos, tell God my name and HHM's (not that he agrees with me) and then pray on for His revealin' of His Glorious Kingdom - the sticky stuff is on me/us.

I am in full agreement. Just i would add that your comment "and when time comes that all that stuff has settled down, work on your sex addiction, but not until then", should say "and at least 6 months after all that stuff has settled down, work on your sexual issues...."
Category: Introduce Yourself
13 Sep 2022 13:41

cordnoy

YeshivaGuy wrote on 13 Sep 2022 02:56:
Update: B’kitzur, things have been horrible.

Been watching tons of porn and masterbating.

Had massive fight with my dad motzei shabbos which led to me breaking down crying like nuts for a bunch of hours about being abused and them not being there for me.

Horrific and painful and hard to move on.



Pretty weak etc, parents bh are more understanding now. Should prob go to therapy again together.

Was hoping this was mostly behind me that I can move on.



Unbearable pain obv has led me to more porn/masterbating.

How have access?

Getting through filter loopholes etc.

Idk anymore, there’s really always a way and with this job it’s not shayach to ditch this phone rn.



Also I said how I’m such a tzadik for not having youtube on my iPhone but meanwhile brought a laptop which haven’t put a filter yet.

And have been badly nichshal once already.



So so much going on.

Trying to keep the job stable, teaching Torah and conveying real yosodos in hashkafa to these highschool kids for 4/5 hours a day.

But everything’s falling apart around me.



And btw, haven’t heard shofar yet even… So basically I’m a wreck and don’t see a way out.



Please comment, I want you too. but please don’t be too harsh because I’m in a lot of pain.




Guy

Godspeed to you. Life can suck.

From readin' your story, it is my humble opinion that you should forget about the porn, masturbation, talkin' to girls, lookin' at their cleavage, etc. It should not be on your radar at all! Get a hold of your life. Make a schedule, stick to it, accomplish what you need to, work with your therapist on all your emotions and feelin's, and when time comes that all that stuff has settled down, work on your sex addiction, but not until then. If you have trouble prayin' on the High Holy Days, for you went thru 2.5 boxes of tissues since the onset of Selichos, tell God my name and HHM's (not that he agrees with me) and then pray on for His revealin' of His Glorious Kingdom - the sticky stuff is on me/us.
Category: Introduce Yourself
11 Sep 2022 16:27

turning.point

Sobriety doesn't make my problems go away.  Sobriety makes it so I have to address those problems instead of escaping to my addiction.

I'm currently reading "Harmony with Others" by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin.
Category: What Works for Me
09 Sep 2022 14:23

Dave M

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 08 Sep 2022 15:10:
Came across this today from unanumun. Could've been written straight to me.

You seem to once again be getting very frustrated with the responses people are giving you. There seems to once again be a disconnect and misunderstanding going on.

I have been watching and following your thread, becoming excited with your progress and sharing in your frustration over your pitfalls.
You seem to feel that you are doing plenty of work and putting actions into place to be able to stop falling and when people seem to be saying that you are not doing anything or the right things for recovery, it confuses, frustrates, and even angers you.

Therefore I would to point out some things.
There are many things that we try in order to get us to finally stop falling. Many of them are focused on the actual falling, the actual watching porn and masturbation. For example, tafsicks (or however the heck you spell it), filters, time restrictions, closing our eyes in the street as we bump into poles and buildings (and hopefully not women), pinching ourselves when we do something wrong and the list goes on and on. (There is probably at least one idea per poster on the forums)
The problem with all these things is that although they may be able to prevent us from acting out, as time goes on their influence and inspiration wane and eventually either they no longer work, stop being done, or our desires (or lust levels) raise up and overcome them.
And we fall again, and again. some work for hours, some for days, some for weeks and some longer. but they are all bound to fail at one point or another.

So you may ask, how is it that there are people that have long streaks of sobriety? How is it that there are people that come to GYE (or SA) and become sober forever one day at a time?

The way I see it, the answer is that the actions that these people take and the sacrifices that they go through, are on a different plane all together. These are the people that are not putting their time and efforts into stopping themselves from falling. They are not focusing on preventing themselves from getting into situations that are triggering and will ultimately lead them down the rabbit hole (I don't really know what that is or if it is just a GYE terminology. And since Cordnoy used the term once I can't google it as I have a kabala not to google anything i hear from Cords ) Yes they may be doing these things as well but it is not their focus. 

Their focus is on positive things. Learning how to live life properly. Learning how to live life in a way that doesn't lead us to porn, masturbation, or any other non healthy activities. 
They focus on the root of the issue, as we are won't to say "addiction is not the problem, it is the solution" The problem is the things that are causing us to want to escape, or to need to escape. the problem is what is happening inside our minds or our heart when we decide we need to sit down and watch streaming movies, or go on youtube, or watch porn. 
They focus on getting to know themselves better and understanding their emotions. How are they  feeling inside? Really feeling? honestly feeling? and then they try to figure out what is it that is causing those feelings. 
And once they can figure that out, then they are on their way to recovery for they now know where to focus their efforts and actions. By dealing with these main issues. honestly dealing with them because we can't trick ourselves. 
And by dealing with these underlying issues we were able to live life without having to escape from them, without having to ignore them, and that is recovery as i understand it. 
Yes sometimes we relapse and we forget to deal with life, but we have not fallen out of recovery because we are on the way to living life properly and healthily. 

When people tell you are not doing the right things for recovery, i believe this is what they meant. And this is the path that has worked for others and only this path has worked for them. To try to do something else and get sobriety is like driving on the other side of of the road in the wrong direction. You can make lomdus and chakiros fun heint biz morgen but at the end of the day you are going about things in a more difficult way and the chances of crashing before you get to your destination are very very high. 
I hope I have been able to shed some light and help you my dear friend. 
Una



Thanks for re-posting.  my eyes teared up reading this.  Nothing like cold honesty 
08 Sep 2022 15:13

cordnoy

Lchaim Tovim wrote on 08 Sep 2022 15:10:
Came across this today from unanumun

You seem to once again be getting very frustrated with the responses people are giving you. There seems to once again be a disconnect and misunderstanding going on.

I have been watching and following your thread, becoming excited with your progress and sharing in your frustration over your pitfalls.
You seem to feel that you are doing plenty of work and putting actions into place to be able to stop falling and when people seem to be saying that you are not doing anything or the right things for recovery, it confuses, frustrates, and even angers you.

Therefore I would to point out some things.
There are many things that we try in order to get us to finally stop falling. Many of them are focused on the actual falling, the actual watching porn and masturbation. For example, tafsicks (or however the heck you spell it), filters, time restrictions, closing our eyes in the street as we bump into poles and buildings (and hopefully not women), pinching ourselves when we do something wrong and the list goes on and on. (There is probably at least one idea per poster on the forums)
The problem with all these things is that although they may be able to prevent us from acting out, as time goes on their influence and inspiration wane and eventually either they no longer work, stop being done, or our desires (or lust levels) raise up and overcome them.
And we fall again, and again. some work for hours, some for days, some for weeks and some longer. but they are all bound to fail at one point or another.

So you may ask, how is it that there are people that have long streaks of sobriety? How is it that there are people that come to GYE (or SA) and become sober forever one day at a time?

The way I see it, the answer is that the actions that these people take and the sacrifices that they go through, are on a different plane all together. These are the people that are not putting their time and efforts into stopping themselves from falling. They are not focusing on preventing themselves from getting into situations that are triggering and will ultimately lead them down the rabbit hole (I don't really know what that is or if it is just a GYE terminology. And since Cordnoy used the term once I can't google it as I have a kabala not to google anything i hear from Cords ) Yes they may be doing these things as well but it is not their focus. 

Their focus is on positive things. Learning how to live life properly. Learning how to live life in a way that doesn't lead us to porn, masturbation, or any other non healthy activities. 
They focus on the root of the issue, as we are won't to say "addiction is not the problem, it is the solution" The problem is the things that are causing us to want to escape, or to need to escape. the problem is what is happening inside our minds or our heart when we decide we need to sit down and watch streaming movies, or go on youtube, or watch porn. 
They focus on getting to know themselves better and understanding their emotions. How are they  feeling inside? Really feeling? honestly feeling? and then they try to figure out what is it that is causing those feelings. 
And once they can figure that out, then they are on their way to recovery for they now know where to focus their efforts and actions. By dealing with these main issues. honestly dealing with them because we can't trick ourselves. 
And by dealing with these underlying issues we were able to live life without having to escape from them, without having to ignore them, and that is recovery as i understand it. 
Yes sometimes we relapse and we forget to deal with life, but we have not fallen out of recovery because we are on the way to living life properly and healthily. 

When people tell you are not doing the right things for recovery, i believe this is what they meant. And this is the path that has worked for others and only this path has worked for them. To try to do something else and get sobriety is like driving on the other side of of the road in the wrong direction. You can make lomdus and chakiros fun heint biz morgen but at the end of the day you are going about things in a more difficult way and the chances of crashing before you get to your destination are very very high. 
I hope I have been able to shed some light and help you my dear friend. 
Una



Una is great! He's doin' fairly well - just communicated with him over the past several weeks.
08 Sep 2022 15:10

Lchaim Tovim

Came across this today from unanumun. Could've been written straight to me.

You seem to once again be getting very frustrated with the responses people are giving you. There seems to once again be a disconnect and misunderstanding going on.

I have been watching and following your thread, becoming excited with your progress and sharing in your frustration over your pitfalls.
You seem to feel that you are doing plenty of work and putting actions into place to be able to stop falling and when people seem to be saying that you are not doing anything or the right things for recovery, it confuses, frustrates, and even angers you.

Therefore I would to point out some things.
There are many things that we try in order to get us to finally stop falling. Many of them are focused on the actual falling, the actual watching porn and masturbation. For example, tafsicks (or however the heck you spell it), filters, time restrictions, closing our eyes in the street as we bump into poles and buildings (and hopefully not women), pinching ourselves when we do something wrong and the list goes on and on. (There is probably at least one idea per poster on the forums)
The problem with all these things is that although they may be able to prevent us from acting out, as time goes on their influence and inspiration wane and eventually either they no longer work, stop being done, or our desires (or lust levels) raise up and overcome them.
And we fall again, and again. some work for hours, some for days, some for weeks and some longer. but they are all bound to fail at one point or another.

So you may ask, how is it that there are people that have long streaks of sobriety? How is it that there are people that come to GYE (or SA) and become sober forever one day at a time?

The way I see it, the answer is that the actions that these people take and the sacrifices that they go through, are on a different plane all together. These are the people that are not putting their time and efforts into stopping themselves from falling. They are not focusing on preventing themselves from getting into situations that are triggering and will ultimately lead them down the rabbit hole (I don't really know what that is or if it is just a GYE terminology. And since Cordnoy used the term once I can't google it as I have a kabala not to google anything i hear from Cords ) Yes they may be doing these things as well but it is not their focus. 

Their focus is on positive things. Learning how to live life properly. Learning how to live life in a way that doesn't lead us to porn, masturbation, or any other non healthy activities. 
They focus on the root of the issue, as we are won't to say "addiction is not the problem, it is the solution" The problem is the things that are causing us to want to escape, or to need to escape. the problem is what is happening inside our minds or our heart when we decide we need to sit down and watch streaming movies, or go on youtube, or watch porn. 
They focus on getting to know themselves better and understanding their emotions. How are they  feeling inside? Really feeling? honestly feeling? and then they try to figure out what is it that is causing those feelings. 
And once they can figure that out, then they are on their way to recovery for they now know where to focus their efforts and actions. By dealing with these main issues. honestly dealing with them because we can't trick ourselves. 
And by dealing with these underlying issues we were able to live life without having to escape from them, without having to ignore them, and that is recovery as i understand it. 
Yes sometimes we relapse and we forget to deal with life, but we have not fallen out of recovery because we are on the way to living life properly and healthily. 

When people tell you are not doing the right things for recovery, i believe this is what they meant. And this is the path that has worked for others and only this path has worked for them. To try to do something else and get sobriety is like driving on the other side of of the road in the wrong direction. You can make lomdus and chakiros fun heint biz morgen but at the end of the day you are going about things in a more difficult way and the chances of crashing before you get to your destination are very very high. 
I hope I have been able to shed some light and help you my dear friend. 
Una

07 Sep 2022 19:57

Lchaim Tovim

OivedElokim wrote on 07 Sep 2022 19:49:
There's this guy on the site that keeps messaging me to tell him how I fell, what I fantasized about etc. I get the impression that he's just here to feed his addiction. How do I block and report him?

If you open the chat, there's an arrow to the right of the guys username. If you click the arrow you'll get options to block and report.
07 Sep 2022 19:49

OivedElokim

There's this guy on the site that keeps messaging me to tell him how I fell, what I fantasized about etc. I get the impression that he's just here to feed his addiction. How do I block and report him?
04 Sep 2022 17:20

jmyers99

Hi everyone, 

New here. Found this platform recently, B'H. 

Stumbled upon this problem around the age of 12. Not growing up frum, I didn't realize it was even an issue until I turned 20. 

Over the last few years, I realized I was addicted and have been trying to quit. 

I've not spoken to women for several years and my falls have gone down from almost daily to once every 4-5 weeks. I'm determined to break free permanently before I start dating.

Hatzlacha to everyone here. Looking forward to growing together
Category: Introduce Yourself
04 Sep 2022 16:06

5Uu80*cdwB#^

I'm so sorry to hear your pain. I think I can relate to much of what you wrote (think is in italics so as to not suggest I can 100% appreciate your exact situation). I felt such similar pain before I started breaking free using GYE.

Sadly, porn and masturbation is as addictive as the worst drugs out there (according to Rabbi Dr. Twersky זצ״ל). Based on your post, it sounds like a "religious approach" (that is, thinking about the yetzer hara and a battle with the yetzer hara) might not work the best for you right now. Honestly, I don't think it's working for a lot of people, either. I recommend that you approach this problem as an addiction. Addiction is a medical problem affecting you, not a problem with you as a person. You (along with millions of other people in the world) are very possibly addicted to porn and masturbation like an alcohol addict is to alcohol. I'm sure some people will disagree with me on this, but, it's an open forum for a reason. That's my non-professional opinion. In "99%" of cases it's an אונס. But that doesn't change the situation. Clal yisroel (and כל שכן the rest of the world) sadly faces addiction to porn on a massive level.



Deeply reflecting on this one year ago was the requisite mindset shift for me to break free. When I decided that God wants me to approach this problem as an addiction, not as a battle with the yetzer hara, I began having success. Just like pneumonia is not a battle with the yetzer hara, but a disease, addiction is also a disease (Yes, we can talk about the yetzer hara for arayos, but let's first treat the disease and then start talking about the yetzer hara). This mindset change has worked for me. I stopped feeling doomed for eternity. I stopped feeling like Hashem is ready to strike me down because I was a sinner. I realized that Hashem wants me to get help to treat my disease called addiction.

Baruch Hashem, I'm almost 365 days clean now, with God's help and a lot of tefillah and physical agony from withdrawal pain and mesiras nefesh every single day to guard my eyes and move my mind on from fantasies).



You have to be ready to endure physical pain though to beat an addiction. Withdrawal pain is agonizing and can last weeks or longer depending on how your mind works and how much you let it dwell on fantasies (which is, as I'm fond of saying, at the root of it all). Moving your mind on from fantasies is not easy by any means. But this physical pain is the pain of growing in life. It's the pain of being a someone in this world and not an addict. And what's at stake if we don't break this addiction? Your entire life is at stake. Your marriage. Your happiness. Your learning. Your this world and your next world. Your everything. Addiction takes a person and burns his whole life to the ground and doesn't spare anything.



I think the biggest problem is that we aren't willing to suffer physical pain and deprivation of physical pleasures to accomplish greatness. But that's what it takes to beat an addiction.



Keep sharing more with more posts.

Best of luck, אחי.
Category: Introduce Yourself
02 Sep 2022 16:23

Mesayin

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Sep 2022 04:55:
Hi supremeone. You are obviously quite intelligent and a deep-thinker. Thank you for bringing up this intriguing topic. I would like to weigh in on some things you said.

"To clarify, the answer to physical needs is physical intimacy."
Physical intimacy, when done in a Kosher manner, can definitely satisfy physical needs. But what about all the people who don't have access to such intimacy, such as bachelors, or husbands whose wives are Niddahs from menstruation or childbirth? Your words imply that there is no way for their needs to be fulfilled. I believe that is incorrect. As many people have already pointed out, there are no adverse effects from letting these urges pass.

"I am not sure if the human body can function without physical sexual activity."
Here you seem to state explicitly that the lack of sexual activity is harmful, and can even prevent the body from functioning. To say that singles not engaging in sexual activity is harmful is against the Torah. Hashem wouldn't command people to harm their bodies. We don't believe in self-flagellation. And the idea that the body can't function without sexual activity is patently untrue. No one ever dropped dead from not masturbating.

"And repression of your physical wants leads down a dark place as shown by the catholic church and their vows of celibacy."
As a wise man once said, "you are mixing facts with anecdotal (sic)." The immoral activities of some priests who probably weren't the most moral dudes to begin with in no way proves that lack of sexual activity is harmful. This is a hasty generalization. 

"Just because some individuals can go without having sexual activity does not mean all individuals can or should."
Excuse my bluntness, but people who are not in a position to have Kosher sexual activity should not engage in sexual activity. They can, and should abstain from such things. It's definitely not easy, but we are discussing ideals here. Hashem Help Me was just trying to point out that it's possible to abstain from non-Kosher sexual activity. 

I believe Supermeone agrees with all points here.

I think to summarize, a person CAN go through life in celibacy and function properly, but it is definitely extremely hard.

We do see from Chazal that a wife helps a person to not sin (key word HELPS). Also, our Rabbis recommended getting married as early as possible for this reason. But a person CAN go through life with out it.

IMO, this doesn't apply to addicts though because to an addict, it really doesn't matter if they are married or single.
01 Sep 2022 08:49

Hopeful2022

I am sorry, I didn't mean that Porn is the ONLY problem; sex addiction is real and a huge problem for many people. I just feel that the accessibility of Porn is one of the major reasons for the problems we have today. For me, if I didn't have porn available to me whenever I had an impure thought. I would be much better off.
Category: Break Free
31 Aug 2022 16:48

chancy

Hi Hopefull, 
I want to bring another point of view, you keep saying that your own problem, and the problem of today is only porn, we have it everywhere and cant avoid it. 
I dont think thats right, of course its much easier nowadays to be exposed to P* because its everywhere, but usually the root cause is not that you saw P* and you get hooked. 
​I remember to first time i was exposed to P* i didnt like it at all! i was nauseous and dizzy for days, i would never have looked again. 
However, i was addicted to sex at a very young age, and i needed to high, so eventually i got back to P* where i slowly worked up tolerance level.... Nebech for me..... so the problem wasnt P* it was my own emotional issues that caused me to look for it, and it is the same for lots of other people. 
Some people on the other hand get hooked when they see P* and get addicted very fast to it. But the addiction is the issue not the proliferation of internet. because even today, it is complexly possible to be fully sheltered from unfiltered internet. I know many many families that only own non smart phones or even some that do own smart hpone and computers and tablets, but all of the devices are strictly filtered with whitelist and other stringencies, so they almost never have access to unfiltered internet.  
So if having access to unfiltered internet is your ONLY problem, then its pretty simple (not easy, but simple) to fix it. Just install a strong filter on EVERYTHING you own and thats it. You will feel so free, you have no idea how liberating it is. 
Category: Break Free
Displaying 1636 - 1650 out of 24485 results.
Time to create page: 5.62 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes