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22 Nov 2022 16:36
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5Uu80*cdwB#^
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Human being wrote on 22 Nov 2022 15:52:
I'm learning so much along the way. Looks like i figured out on my journey that human beings don't really need to masturbate to survive. Everything will be ok without it. Life will get harder the first few days to 3 weeks. easier from weeks 3/4 till months 2/3, Then harder again because it stops getting as exciting and the challenges are still there. Then easier long term (hopefully) because we learn to cope with our challenges in a healthy way.is hs been my expierence.
Nice post. I like what you said that human beings don't need to masturbate. You are correct. Just like human beings don't need to drink alcohol or use cocaine, we don't need to lust and masturbate. It's just another drug of addiction. When we break free of it, we see how it was controlling our life completely. Keep up the great work.
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22 Nov 2022 15:09
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Teshuvahguy
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taherlibeinu wrote on 18 Nov 2022 10:19:
I write this post with much pain and tears.
I look back to where i was just over a month ago. I reached 90 days on erev yom Kippur.. I had immense pride over my achievement. I was so happy. The past year was one of immense growth. 60 days, 50 days, 50 more and then I finally made it to 90. It took me the entire year to achieve this goal. In my head i was so sure that i was seeing the back of this. So sure that i was moving forward. I was actually ill in bed on day 90 but i was so happy, nothing could take away the simcha i felt on that day. Little did i realise what was to follow.
One of the biggest helps for me is the lack of internet connectivity available in my house, we are like an 80's household and i love it. However we recently moved into my parents home and will probably be there till Pesach. I went from having zero access to multiple machines/tv's being available. For an addict this is like an alcoholic living in a brewery. I started off really well and for the first month being Elul/RH/YK made it easier, everything was fine. I had promised myself not to use any of the devices and this seemed to be working well. Then Chol Hamoed Succos came and i fell on my 100th day clean. It was a complete fall. I reached out to my partner and let him know to keep the accountability. Since then I have fallen three times further, the most recent being last night. Watching things that both disgust and repel me, toivelling myself in a mikvah of tumah. I have struggled with anxiety recently (This is nothing new for me and is no excuse) and this hasn't helped as in those moments i view these things as a way to alleviate pain but the truth is it only compounds it. Whether or not one turns to pornography and MZL because they are in pain or giving into a strong urge the end result is the same.
How can i move forward now, I feel stuck for this period of time. But a yid is never stuck, there are always options. A few days ago i reached out to my partner (May Hashem bless him) and he discussed the idea of going against ones nature and asking Hashem to do the same. So here goes..
Hashem I don't feel like i can commit to anything right now, I feel so low and the burden of what I have done is weighing on me. All the promises i haven't kept and all the times i have let You down including only a few hours ago. We both know what i did and there is no excuse. I can't even promise that i will be clean this time next week or even tomorrow. However, to try and stop if i can bring a zechus to someone else is something I want to do or at least try. So how about this, for the next 30 days I will commit to try my utmost to be clean and post on this site each day (where its safe to use a computer to do so) even if its just a number. In return all i ask is that any zechus of this acheivement be passed on to three people. I know of a close relative going through difficult fertility issues, desperate to have a child. I also have a cousin who is an older single looking to get married and I have a very close friend whose wife is ill.
Please Hashem accept this partnership I understand this doesn't mean a Yeshua will be granted but whatever can be done to help them from my holding back please do. Please also grant me the Siyaata Dishmaya that i need to get through this period. I am in a time of heightened test and pain, i need extra help, it can only come from You. Please Hashem Shema B'Koli.
Wishing this Chashuv and special Olam a wonderful shabbos
You are amazing. I wish you hatzlacha beyond your wildest expectations. Thank you for sharing that…may Hashem answer you with resounding success.
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22 Nov 2022 14:57
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Dave M
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taherlibeinu wrote on 18 Nov 2022 10:19:
I write this post with much pain and tears.
I look back to where i was just over a month ago. I reached 90 days on erev yom Kippur.. I had immense pride over my achievement. I was so happy. The past year was one of immense growth. 60 days, 50 days, 50 more and then I finally made it to 90. It took me the entire year to achieve this goal. In my head i was so sure that i was seeing the back of this. So sure that i was moving forward. I was actually ill in bed on day 90 but i was so happy, nothing could take away the simcha i felt on that day. Little did i realise what was to follow.
One of the biggest helps for me is the lack of internet connectivity available in my house, we are like an 80's household and i love it. However we recently moved into my parents home and will probably be there till Pesach. I went from having zero access to multiple machines/tv's being available. For an addict this is like an alcoholic living in a brewery. I started off really well and for the first month being Elul/RH/YK made it easier, everything was fine. I had promised myself not to use any of the devices and this seemed to be working well. Then Chol Hamoed Succos came and i fell on my 100th day clean. It was a complete fall. I reached out to my partner and let him know to keep the accountability. Since then I have fallen three times further, the most recent being last night. Watching things that both disgust and repel me, toivelling myself in a mikvah of tumah. I have struggled with anxiety recently (This is nothing new for me and is no excuse) and this hasn't helped as in those moments i view these things as a way to alleviate pain but the truth is it only compounds it. Whether or not one turns to pornography and MZL because they are in pain or giving into a strong urge the end result is the same.
How can i move forward now, I feel stuck for this period of time. But a yid is never stuck, there are always options. A few days ago i reached out to my partner (May Hashem bless him) and he discussed the idea of going against ones nature and asking Hashem to do the same. So here goes..
Hashem I don't feel like i can commit to anything right now, I feel so low and the burden of what I have done is weighing on me. All the promises i haven't kept and all the times i have let You down including only a few hours ago. We both know what i did and there is no excuse. I can't even promise that i will be clean this time next week or even tomorrow. However, to try and stop if i can bring a zechus to someone else is something I want to do or at least try. So how about this, for the next 30 days I will commit to try my utmost to be clean and post on this site each day (where its safe to use a computer to do so) even if its just a number. In return all i ask is that any zechus of this acheivement be passed on to three people. I know of a close relative going through difficult fertility issues, desperate to have a child. I also have a cousin who is an older single looking to get married and I have a very close friend whose wife is ill.
Please Hashem accept this partnership I understand this doesn't mean a Yeshua will be granted but whatever can be done to help them from my holding back please do. Please also grant me the Siyaata Dishmaya that i need to get through this period. I am in a time of heightened test and pain, i need extra help, it can only come from You. Please Hashem Shema B'Koli.
Wishing this Chashuv and special Olam a wonderful shabbos
This is one of those post that made me cry. May Hashem grant you much hazlacha to be successful in overcoming your challenges.
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21 Nov 2022 04:03
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Geshmak!
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Geshmak! wrote on 18 Nov 2022 04:06:
iLoveHashem247 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 04:03:
copy pasted from my thread "my story, being honest for once"
.
.
.
.
.
BTW I know this thread gets lots of views so just putting this out there - I am a huge fan of Rabbi Eli Portal's "Rolling With The Punches" podcast where he interviews people who have gone through adversity. Would LOVE to hear someone from GYE give an interview on how they overcame their lust addiction and became a healthy functioning and successful person in this aspect and how it affected their life before and after breaking free (Maybe HHM? Nudge, Nudge?).
Just listened to his latest podcast of an anonymous interviewee who at 16 years old found out (kind of by mistake) that he was adopted as an infant.
These interviews give so much chizuk to so many people, and it could be a big help for people who are struggling, and can also help a lot of people get onto GYE.
Food for thought
copy pasted from your thread: 
I would pm this to you…but I’m locked out of my pm for a good reason ( I think you know why  )
I think it’s a awesome idea! Did you ask Hhm to do it??????
Please let me know if there’s an interview… thx!
I really think it would help many find out abt gye and get the help they need… (maybe gye should arrange the interview)
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20 Nov 2022 19:17
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DavidT
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YakovW wrote on 20 Nov 2022 17:56:
Hu
I am nee here,, sstruggling like crazy
Please help
Welcome to GYE!
The first step is to celebrate the fact that you posted on GYE and you're reaching out for help. This in itself is a big part of recovery. Many people don't realize that they have a problem and even those who do, don't always reach out to be helped.
I would suggest checking out guardyoureyes.com/gyehandbook and our amazing F2F program...
One very important point is that anyone who has tried to quit watching and acting out before knows that it is a lot harder to do alone. This is because porn etc feeds off of our isolation and makes it harder and harder to get help. Even though it’s hard, involving important people in our journey to recovery is a HUGE step in recovery. Remember, the addiction is a prison built on secrets, lies, shame, and isolation. Every time you open up to someone in honesty and love you are breaking down another chunk of those walls. Keep at it until you are free and there is nothing but a pile of rubble behind you.
We're looking forward to hearing more from you and to join along in your great successes ahead!
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18 Nov 2022 10:19
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taherlibeinu
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I write this post with much pain and tears.
I look back to where i was just over a month ago. I reached 90 days on erev yom Kippur.. I had immense pride over my achievement. I was so happy. The past year was one of immense growth. 60 days, 50 days, 50 more and then I finally made it to 90. It took me the entire year to achieve this goal. In my head i was so sure that i was seeing the back of this. So sure that i was moving forward. I was actually ill in bed on day 90 but i was so happy, nothing could take away the simcha i felt on that day. Little did i realise what was to follow.
One of the biggest helps for me is the lack of internet connectivity available in my house, we are like an 80's household and i love it. However we recently moved into my parents home and will probably be there till Pesach. I went from having zero access to multiple machines/tv's being available. For an addict this is like an alcoholic living in a brewery. I started off really well and for the first month being Elul/RH/YK made it easier, everything was fine. I had promised myself not to use any of the devices and this seemed to be working well. Then Chol Hamoed Succos came and i fell on my 100th day clean. It was a complete fall. I reached out to my partner and let him know to keep the accountability. Since then I have fallen three times further, the most recent being last night. Watching things that both disgust and repel me, toivelling myself in a mikvah of tumah. I have struggled with anxiety recently (This is nothing new for me and is no excuse) and this hasn't helped as in those moments i view these things as a way to alleviate pain but the truth is it only compounds it. Whether or not one turns to pornography and MZL because they are in pain or giving into a strong urge the end result is the same.
How can i move forward now, I feel stuck for this period of time. But a yid is never stuck, there are always options. A few days ago i reached out to my partner (May Hashem bless him) and he discussed the idea of going against ones nature and asking Hashem to do the same. So here goes..
Hashem I don't feel like i can commit to anything right now, I feel so low and the burden of what I have done is weighing on me. All the promises i haven't kept and all the times i have let You down including only a few hours ago. We both know what i did and there is no excuse. I can't even promise that i will be clean this time next week or even tomorrow. However, to try and stop if i can bring a zechus to someone else is something I want to do or at least try. So how about this, for the next 30 days I will commit to try my utmost to be clean and post on this site each day (where its safe to use a computer to do so) even if its just a number. In return all i ask is that any zechus of this acheivement be passed on to three people. I know of a close relative going through difficult fertility issues, desperate to have a child. I also have a cousin who is an older single looking to get married and I have a very close friend whose wife is ill.
Please Hashem accept this partnership I understand this doesn't mean a Yeshua will be granted but whatever can be done to help them from my holding back please do. Please also grant me the Siyaata Dishmaya that i need to get through this period. I am in a time of heightened test and pain, i need extra help, it can only come from You. Please Hashem Shema B'Koli.
Wishing this Chashuv and special Olam a wonderful shabbos
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18 Nov 2022 04:12
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Teshuvahguy
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iLoveHashem247 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 03:56:
Thank you, TeshuvahGuy, that's really how it felt this week. Very observant of you!
BTW I know this thread gets lots of views so just putting this out there - I am a huge fan of Rabbi Eli Portal's "Rolling With The Punches" podcast where he interviews people who have gone through adversity. Would LOVE to hear someone from GYE give an interview on how they overcame their lust addiction and became a healthy functioning and successful person in this aspect and how it affected their life before and after breaking free (Maybe HHM? Nudge, Nudge?).
Just listened to his latest podcast of an anonymous interviewee who at 16 years old found out (kind of by mistake) that he was adopted as an infant.
These interviews give so much chizuk to so many people, and it could be a big help for people who are struggling, and can also help a lot of people get onto GYE.
Food for thought
Keep up the good work and positive vibes. Success is self-propelling and contagious! Proud of you. Lots of progress in these posts. One of the most powerful things for me on GYE is the amazing honesty of the guys. Good or bad, we’re sharing our truth and for me, it’s so helpful to know there are guys out there who “get it.” Thanks for sharing.
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18 Nov 2022 04:06
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Geshmak!
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iLoveHashem247 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 04:03:
copy pasted from my thread "my story, being honest for once"
.
.
.
.
.
BTW I know this thread gets lots of views so just putting this out there - I am a huge fan of Rabbi Eli Portal's "Rolling With The Punches" podcast where he interviews people who have gone through adversity. Would LOVE to hear someone from GYE give an interview on how they overcame their lust addiction and became a healthy functioning and successful person in this aspect and how it affected their life before and after breaking free (Maybe HHM? Nudge, Nudge?).
Just listened to his latest podcast of an anonymous interviewee who at 16 years old found out (kind of by mistake) that he was adopted as an infant.
These interviews give so much chizuk to so many people, and it could be a big help for people who are struggling, and can also help a lot of people get onto GYE.
Food for thought
copy pasted from your thread:
I would pm this to you…but I’m locked out of my pm for a good reason ( I think you know why )
I think it’s a awesome idea! Did you ask Hhm to do it??????
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18 Nov 2022 04:03
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iLoveHashem247
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copy pasted from my thread "my story, being honest for once"
.
.
.
.
.
BTW I know this thread gets lots of views so just putting this out there - I am a huge fan of Rabbi Eli Portal's "Rolling With The Punches" podcast where he interviews people who have gone through adversity. Would LOVE to hear someone from GYE give an interview on how they overcame their lust addiction and became a healthy functioning and successful person in this aspect and how it affected their life before and after breaking free (Maybe HHM? Nudge, Nudge?).
Just listened to his latest podcast of an anonymous interviewee who at 16 years old found out (kind of by mistake) that he was adopted as an infant.
These interviews give so much chizuk to so many people, and it could be a big help for people who are struggling, and can also help a lot of people get onto GYE.
Food for thought [url=https://emojipedia.org/food-drink/]
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18 Nov 2022 04:01
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Geshmak!
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iLoveHashem247 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 03:56:
Thank you, TeshuvahGuy, that's really how it felt this week. Very observant of you!
BTW I know this thread gets lots of views so just putting this out there - I am a huge fan of Rabbi Eli Portal's "Rolling With The Punches" podcast where he interviews people who have gone through adversity. Would LOVE to hear someone from GYE give an interview on how they overcame their lust addiction and became a healthy functioning and successful person in this aspect and how it affected their life before and after breaking free (Maybe HHM? Nudge, Nudge?).
Just listened to his latest podcast of an anonymous interviewee who at 16 years old found out (kind of by mistake) that he was adopted as an infant.
These interviews give so much chizuk to so many people, and it could be a big help for people who are struggling, and can also help a lot of people get onto GYE.
Food for thought
I would pm this to you…but I’m locked out of my pm for a good reason ( I think you know why )
I think it’s a awesome idea! Did you ask Hhm to do it??????
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18 Nov 2022 03:56
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iLoveHashem247
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Thank you, TeshuvahGuy, that's really how it felt this week. Very observant of you!
BTW I know this thread gets lots of views so just putting this out there - I am a huge fan of Rabbi Eli Portal's "Rolling With The Punches" podcast where he interviews people who have gone through adversity. Would LOVE to hear someone from GYE give an interview on how they overcame their lust addiction and became a healthy functioning and successful person in this aspect and how it affected their life before and after breaking free (Maybe HHM? Nudge, Nudge?).
Just listened to his latest podcast of an anonymous interviewee who at 16 years old found out (kind of by mistake) that he was adopted as an infant.
These interviews give so much chizuk to so many people, and it could be a big help for people who are struggling, and can also help a lot of people get onto GYE.
Food for thought
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18 Nov 2022 01:29
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Sapy
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Thanks friends!
AM I almost feel like it was worth it to feel this way today, to get such a beautiful post.... Thank you!
BH I'm feeling better now, I've come a long way after 15 month in therapy, although those feelings still come up, and lately more frequently.
Like many others, I also was somewhat emotionally neglected as a child, and was given the Nisoyen of anxiety, loneliness, emptiness, self questioning, isolation, addiction, mind racing, perfectionism, among others...
Bh I'm in a much better place today, although I'm not out of the woods in any if the above mentioned problems, but my progress has taught me that things can really get better.
And at last to all my dear friends out there, what are suffering from the above or something similar, I just wanna say I feel for you, it ain't your fault, am you don't deserve it. I feel your pain, and see your struggles, it's real. And it hurts. But with hashems help there is hope. It takes work, believing in yourself and time, but we will all hopefully feel better.
Love you all guys, and thanks for giving me a space to vent... I might even come back here....
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17 Nov 2022 21:39
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cordnoy
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Human being wrote on 17 Nov 2022 21:19:
cordnoy wrote on 17 Nov 2022 20:57:
Human being wrote on 17 Nov 2022 20:48:
Geshmak! wrote on 16 Nov 2022 05:44:
Someone told me…if someone is addicted to sex there is no way he can get out of it by himself he must go to sa… is that true like can’t be that I used to be addicted and now I’m not?!? I really respect that person that told it to me but I’m just so not maskim… I used to be addicted like I couldn’t control myself and now bh I think I do have some what control so what does that mean I was never really addicted or does it mean that I really still am addicted or maybe I was an sex addicted and I recovered by myself with out going to sa…. Can’t be?!?!?
ill tell you my personal opinion. There are 2 ways to deal with anything in life. Top down- goal oriented. Or bottom up-addressing root causes. We need both. We all need and should start off with bottom up-root causes approaches, because they help us more long term, because we are actually getting to understand the feelings causing us to do our behaviors. Once we address the feelings we can begin to heal them and no longer need our behaviors anymore that were coming to compensate for those feelings. We also need top down-goal oriented solutions, because the healing prosses for feelings is long and not always possible. Sometimes it gets worse. Sometimes we don't even know who to call. Because of this, we need solutions to help us in the short term to help us curb those behaviors, even though we aren't addressing the feelings causing them. Depending on the severity of the behaviors, the more or less important it will be to address the behaviors top down-goal oriented ,while still addressing bottom up-root causing too. Think of it as a leak in your ceiling. There are 2 ways to deal with it. Get a bucket to catch the drops. Or fix the leak. Just getting a bucket, wont fix the leak. You will have to continue emptying and refilling the bucket every day, buying new buckets and their will be a constant annoyance of water over-spilling the bucket, money to buy a new bucket, strain on your arms carrying The bucket etc.
At the same time, just fixing the leak without getting a bucket, will cause your floor to get all wet while your trying to fix the leak. And sometimes leaks take years to fix! Sometimes they never get fixed! And most times we don't know how long they will take to fix. So we need a bucket too, even if we are trying to fix the leak.
The leak in our mashal is your challenges. The bucket is your solutions. your bucket used to be porn. You are trying to change that. Instead healthy buckets would be prescribed medications, therapy, journaling, exercise cooking, and a whole bunch of other things. The leak would be the feelings causing you to want to watch porn, or causing you to need a different coping technique without porn.
That being said, SA is like the bucket. It is a very good bucket. It helps a lot with of day to day goals, mainly staying sober, but in addition, it helps socially, emotionally, and gives purpose to life. It helps build confidence and a whole bunch of other things. Its benefits are immeasurable. Anyone who goes can tell you that. I personally do not so I cant give you first hand info.
But you should keep in mind that it will not take away the cause of your behaviors. Only fixing the leak in therapy will help for that.
It can take away the cause of your behaviors if the cause is associated with greed, anger, jealousy, hatred, insecurity, impulsive, controllin', ego-driven, bad tempered, stubborn, perfectionist, manipulative, self-centered, compulsive, apathetic, etc.; otherwise, you may be right.
And what is the cause of your behaviors associated with greed, anger, jealousy, hatred, insecurity, impulsive, controllin', ego-driven, bad tempered, stubborn, perfectionist, manipulative, self-centered, compulsive, apathetic, etc?
Insecurity because god created you in insecure human? perfectionist because god created you perfectionist? Self centered because god created you narcissist? manipulative because god created you manipulative? Apathetic because god created you apathetic? Even people who were created with one drive stronger then the rest, an emotionally healthy person can manage his day to day imperfections. If we can't for whatever reason its time for us to......See a therapist to figure out why we cant control our behaviors associated with greed, anger, jealousy, hatred, insecurity, impulsive, controllin', ego-driven, bad tempered, stubborn, perfectionist, manipulative, self-centered, compulsive, apathetic, etc.;
If we want to we can also definitely and should definitely go to a 12 steps program for the necessary support, encouragement, moral boost, connection, help, validation, confidence boost, energy boost, social help, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc we can get. BUT in my experience. (and yes I understand other peoples experiences can be different) we will not get to the ROOT feelings causing our actions. Or even if we do get to the root feelings causing our actions, we will not get to the root cause of what is causing him to feel hopeless controlling himself from acting.
DISCLAIMER. ONCE AGAIN MUST BE STATED THIS IS MY ERSONAL EXPIERENCE. I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY IF OTHERS HAVE DIFFERENT EXPIERENCES.
How can that be your ersonal experience if you never went to SA? strange....
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17 Nov 2022 20:57
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cordnoy
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Human being wrote on 17 Nov 2022 20:48:
Geshmak! wrote on 16 Nov 2022 05:44:
Someone told me…if someone is addicted to sex there is no way he can get out of it by himself he must go to sa… is that true like can’t be that I used to be addicted and now I’m not?!? I really respect that person that told it to me but I’m just so not maskim… I used to be addicted like I couldn’t control myself and now bh I think I do have some what control so what does that mean I was never really addicted or does it mean that I really still am addicted or maybe I was an sex addicted and I recovered by myself with out going to sa…. Can’t be?!?!?
ill tell you my personal opinion. There are 2 ways to deal with anything in life. Top down- goal oriented. Or bottom up-addressing root causes. We need both. We all need and should start off with bottom up-root causes approaches, because they help us more long term, because we are actually getting to understand the feelings causing us to do our behaviors. Once we address the feelings we can begin to heal them and no longer need our behaviors anymore that were coming to compensate for those feelings. We also need top down-goal oriented solutions, because the healing prosses for feelings is long and not always possible. Sometimes it gets worse. Sometimes we don't even know who to call. Because of this, we need solutions to help us in the short term to help us curb those behaviors, even though we aren't addressing the feelings causing them. Depending on the severity of the behaviors, the more or less important it will be to address the behaviors top down-goal oriented ,while still addressing bottom up-root causing too. Think of it as a leak in your ceiling. There are 2 ways to deal with it. Get a bucket to catch the drops. Or fix the leak. Just getting a bucket, wont fix the leak. You will have to continue emptying and refilling the bucket every day, buying new buckets and their will be a constant annoyance of water over-spilling the bucket, money to buy a new bucket, strain on your arms carrying The bucket etc.
At the same time, just fixing the leak without getting a bucket, will cause your floor to get all wet while your trying to fix the leak. And sometimes leaks take years to fix! Sometimes they never get fixed! And most times we don't know how long they will take to fix. So we need a bucket too, even if we are trying to fix the leak.
The leak in our mashal is your challenges. The bucket is your solutions. your bucket used to be porn. You are trying to change that. Instead healthy buckets would be prescribed medications, therapy, journaling, exercise cooking, and a whole bunch of other things. The leak would be the feelings causing you to want to watch porn, or causing you to need a different coping technique without porn.
That being said, SA is like the bucket. It is a very good bucket. It helps a lot with of day to day goals, mainly staying sober, but in addition, it helps socially, emotionally, and gives purpose to life. It helps build confidence and a whole bunch of other things. Its benefits are immeasurable. Anyone who goes can tell you that. I personally do not so I cant give you first hand info.
But you should keep in mind that it will not take away the cause of your behaviors. Only fixing the leak in therapy will help for that.
It can take away the cause of your behaviors if the cause is associated with greed, anger, jealousy, hatred, insecurity, impulsive, controllin', ego-driven, bad tempered, stubborn, perfectionist, manipulative, self-centered, compulsive, apathetic, etc.; otherwise, you may be right.
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17 Nov 2022 15:08
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Sapy
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This philosophical question, is one that has been chewed over many many times, and there is really no proof to either side, since if someone feels better at some point, SA would say, you were never an addict.... but Real addicts don't get cured.
I don't see the point of labeling it, if you cant stop, go get help. Period. You can start on GYE, speaking to real people, advance to therapy, or SA, will you get "cured"?? In most therapy models they believe that you will, (although I believe they also agree, that a slip back is a possibility to some extent) in SA they believe that you don't. And you gotta keep working.
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