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13 Feb 2023 21:37
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Yosefhamevakesh
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chancy wrote on 13 Feb 2023 17:19:
What I'm understanding that your saying is that when I have an urge,
1. Go somewhere else, and that'll help with the urge, and train my brain that I don't need to give in to urges.
& 2. View the urge as an outside force that is telling me to masturbate. I created a chain that when I have an urge, I masturbate. And because I always gave in, my brain started craving the masturbation more and more with every urge. If I break the chain, and don't give in to the next urge, it'll train my brain to not need to masturbate with every urge. Eventually, the association in my brain between the 2 will be much less and then I'll be able to see how I don't actually need to masturbate because of an urge, the same way that someone who is not hooked sees it.
Pardon me if I'm not paying enough attention to what you're saying, but I don't understand how viewing an urge as an outside force will make it any easier for me to actually resist. I understand that viewing it like such adds perspective as to what is really happening when I have an urge and what I'm doing when I give in; and maybe this understanding should make it a bit easier to resist giving in. But at the end of the day, sometimes, the urge is completely overwhelming, and the craving that I feel is very very real. When such a strong urge hits, I don't really care that I'm self destructing, and that if I don't give in it'll help in the long run. All I want is to get the feeling of masturbating which I crave more than anything else in the world, and all reason goes out the window. You can't expect a heroin addict not to shoot up no matter how well he understands that he's feeding a chain of urge/give in. I don't think that the craving for masturbation comes anywhere near the craving for heroin, but I still don't understand why when in the heat of the moment, when I'm overwhelmed and lose all reasoning, I can really resist giving in.
Also, another thought, I think that last time I gave in, I remember that there was an element of fear that passed through my head. That I was sorta afraid to not give in to the urge or something (maybe "the fear of the unknown" cuz I never really resisted before). Not sure if that adds any perspective as to why I'm having a difficult time understanding this or not.
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13 Feb 2023 17:19
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chancy
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Urge Surfing is about feeling the urge and desire from a outside preceptive.
So lets replay your story from Shabbos, Il focus on the first fall, (the second one after a dream is harder because it more like watching porn, for me its actually more arousing because in the dream you were a part of the porn scene, so lets leave that for now).
Rather lets talk about the fact you were overwhelmed with desire in the bath room.
The desire comes from your brain that remembers how good it feels to be aroused, just like a drug addict or alcoholic feels when they think of or see the alcohol/drug, there is a actual reaction in the brain, its not mental its physical! The brain starts releasing hormones that make you feel good and you crave that feeling, that pattern happens once you starts experiencing sex, its a part of us for some its bigger then others.
The addiction to porn comes if your brain sees that you cant get enough pleasure from fantasy alone and you need outside stimulation, so you look and that completely overwhelms the normal functions and sort of like hotwires the pleasure sensors. I remember that when i gave in to porn, it was almost impossible for me to stop. Later i learned to actually stop while watching porn and just see how the desire decreases because the images never match up with what your brain wants, which is what causes the viewer to constantly look for other stuff.
However, if you stop watching porn, your brain will slowly give up on that, and will instead just give you these fantasies ether in dream or awake where you start craving that feeling, its an incredible high as we all know. But here is what you do.
1. Get out from where you are! teach yourself not to be lazy, you can change the whole thing in one second if you just get up and go between people, just go on the street, go to shul, anything to remove yourself from that situation if you feel you cant handle it right now. Not only will this help in the present moment, it will also help you train your brain that you can get aroused but you can unplug, your brain will start learning.
2. If you know there is nowhere to go, (its too cold and the shul is closed and nobody is in the house) learn to recognize that this desire is NOT part of who YOU ARE! its just an outside force that got logged into your brain and is hacking you, you have the power to not let him in and not let yourself get drawn into his fraud. imagine you go on the street and you see someone standing over a dead animal bent over, you go closer and you see he is drinking the blood from the animal.....(sorry for making you throw up a little but hang on). You start screaming at this guy "what in sams hill are you doing? you disgusting piece of whatever! and he answers you "i cant help it, i need this, makes me feel good this is part of me" I dont know about you but i would feel immense pity on such a person, he is stuck thinking that he cant help himself when of course he can! just stop doing it. its stupid.
For some one that's not addicted its easy to see how disgusting it is what we do and how we can stop. but for us it isnt.
You need to start looking from an outside perspective and not from the eyes of an addict.
ITS NOT US, ITS A HORMONE THAT GOT USED TO THIS DRUG AND WANTS MORE!!! Do not give it more fuel to work with. Learn to recognize the outside force. step back and look at it from an outside perspective. the more you do this, the faster your brain will learn that this is not working anymore and will decrease the frequency and power or the desires.
This is called diffusion- Which means to stop fusing (becoming one) with the thought. The more you give in to this drug the more you fuse with it and you become inseparable. The more you learn diffusion the easier it will become to remove yourself and move way from that desire and to be able to see it as an outsider who can make a clear decision.
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13 Feb 2023 01:01
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Geshmak!
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DavidT wrote on 12 Feb 2023 20:03:
simchastorah wrote on 12 Feb 2023 19:27:
btw just an update, b'h still clean. I guess after all this posting if I have a fall then I'll have to post about it. Sounds very embaressing.
Should I not even be thinking about that? Lo yodeya
Anyway I've been much more aware of how I automatically start thinking sexually about every woman I come across. Hashem help me
please! I want to be a baal t'shuva!
Accountability is one of the most important tools for recovery. The Pasuk in Mishlei (18:1) says: "Le'taava yevakesh nifrad - Desire seeks isolation". Being isolated causes us to go after our Taavah - our lust. The addiction wants us to withdraw into ourselves and disconnect from life. A partner or community in this struggle can do wonders in helping us reconnect to the world around us and ultimately break free. Going into detail with someone else about what we've done, is also known to be one of the best ways to get out the shame, guilt and remorse, and move on.
Maskim all the way… I spent mouths on gye till I finally reached out to Hhm and started being accountable to him ( I still am bh) it really changed the whole ball game…
Send him a email you won’t regret it brother! michelgelner@gmail.com
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12 Feb 2023 23:40
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Eerie
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simchastorah wrote on 12 Feb 2023 19:24:
To be honest, I don't understand why posting and even fighting the fight is gevura. The truth is, I feel in so much pain over
what I've been doing, and I can't stand the pain. But coming here and seeing that so many people have gotten through this
by reaching out, posting, connecting with people about it, and making use of the various tools here, I feel that it's worth a try.
Please someone explain to me why they look at this as gevura. Maybe if I could have a healthy way of feeling good about it
it would be very helpful for me, but as is, I feel that I would be fooling myself to call it gevura
My dear friend, it takes strength to post and be honest about what's going on in your life. And it takes gevurah to fight the YH. It's amazing that you feel so much pain in falling, many people, including myself, get their senses dulled eventually after falling so many times, so thank Hashem that you have an incentive to fight, to stop the pain. But regardless, it's gevurah to fight the YH, who has managed to catch us even though we know it's wrong and even though it gives us pain. And It's so inspiring to see a Yid who's in such pain, has so much hardship in his life, and he's here, trucking along, staying clean. My friend, you are a hero and an inspiration!
Keep trucking, and keep posting. @Markz taught us that connection is the opposite of addiction. It has definitely helped me a lot. We are your brothers and friends here, we want to hear how you are doing, and if you c"v fall we'll help you stand back up
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12 Feb 2023 20:03
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DavidT
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simchastorah wrote on 12 Feb 2023 19:27:
btw just an update, b'h still clean. I guess after all this posting if I have a fall then I'll have to post about it. Sounds very embaressing.
Should I not even be thinking about that? Lo yodeya
Anyway I've been much more aware of how I automatically start thinking sexually about every woman I come across. Hashem help me
please! I want to be a baal t'shuva!
Accountability is one of the most important tools for recovery. The Pasuk in Mishlei (18:1) says: "Le'taava yevakesh nifrad - Desire seeks isolation". Being isolated causes us to go after our Taavah - our lust. The addiction wants us to withdraw into ourselves and disconnect from life. A partner or community in this struggle can do wonders in helping us reconnect to the world around us and ultimately break free. Going into detail with someone else about what we've done, is also known to be one of the best ways to get out the shame, guilt and remorse, and move on.
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10 Feb 2023 20:18
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iLoveHashem247
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Eerie wrote on 24 Nov 2022 19:25:
Hi there all my anonymous friends!
I am on here for a while, most of the time just to sign in and update where I'm holding, but from time to time I do read around some posts on the forums, and I am really at a loss of words when I try to describe what I think about all of you. I'm simply awed into silence. You guys are all amazing, fighting the terrible urges, sometimes in such difficult circumstances, from complicated pasts, I stand humbled. I am so proud to at least be part of the same nation, even if I don't come close. Keep up the fight and may Hashem be with all of you and may you feel his closeness.
And now, Hi! I gave myself the name eerie because that's what I think about my situation. I am blissfully married to a really special person,(which, I learned from the posts on this site, is not to be taken for granted. It's something that so many of my dear friends here struggle with, their addictions creating issues in their marriage and the problems in their marriage further exacerbating their addictions) and we have seven wonderful kids. I really cannot imagine a better marriage, we respect each other, love each other, communicate beautifully, and my intimate life is wonderful. I believe my wife would say the same. I am a seriously respected member of my community, I am in a position of chinuch (and I think I do a pretty good job:)), so why oh why on earth am I here? What would the people think if they knew? Would I still have a wife? Would they let me talk to my kids? At that point would I even care about my job or my life's mission? I BH had a wonderful upbringing, loving and caring parents who are very proud of their "successful kli kodesh" son. What would they think if they knew? These thoughts were on my mind as I created my account and the feeling I had was "This is eerie. A mechanech. A talmid chacham. Sought after maggid shiur. This is totally eerie." So there you have it. It's all in the name.
A little about me. I think many of you would disagree but I don't think I'm addicted to P&M. I have normal urges like all healthy people. I have no smartphone (if you would only hear me speak about the downfalls), no computer at home. So where and when do/did I fall? I called a talk line by mistake, I was trying to reach a company. I was horrified. I hung up and told my wife about it. But, of course, my curiosity plus urge got me to call. This was probably 10+ years ago, called maybe 10 times total. Can't remember the last time I did that. Then my wife got a smartphone, and we blocked the browser entirely through parental controls, with each of us having half the code. Of course, when I was down I tried a few times and of course I figured out her half. Here and there I would go on really bad sites. Not long thereafter we got rid of that phone. That was also 10+ years ago/ But every once in a while I fall. I once found that one computer in the Yeshiva (!!!!) where I work had no filter. You read that right.. No filter, in the yeshiva computer! I would estimate that once in 2-3 months I went on really bad stuff there. One day I just realized that I need accountability, so I came to GYE. I know I have to answer to someone, I'm going to write it if I fall, and that helps me.
Now you might wonder, what am I writing this for? I am writing it first of all because I feel a kinship and I feel likes it's "therapeutic" to tell my story someplace. Because even the people that I really trust, I can't tell them any of this. I sometimes wish there was an anonymous phone line where I could call and tell a Rav what I struggle with, to get it out of my system. When I was bachur I was really close to my rebbeim, and I shared with them even my deepest secrets and struggles, I would tell my Rebbe if I M'd. BH I didn't stuggle with that much, but I did do it a few times in my bachurishe years, and my rebbe knew/knows about it. Maybe I'm weird that I shared that with my rebbe, but that's me. If I felt an attraction to a bachur I told him, and he understood me, always helped me, never judged me. There's no question that having such a person in my life changed me in unimaginable ways. Alas, I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to go to anyone and discuss my normal struggles and mistakes at this point. What would a rav or even my rebbe, whom I am still very close to 20+ years later, think if a person in my position came and said "I struggle with this. Once in a while I can fall into watching P." I can't do that, so I'm saying it here. I'm a healthy person with normal urges and desires and it can happen that I fall sometimes. I try to avoid unfiltered machines, when I'm at my parents' house I don't touch their devices, I told them to never let my kids touch their things and I warn my children to stay away, not even to look at Grandma's phone. But I know that every once in a while I'll find a device, and my urges, desires and curiosity (yes, I am still curious as to what some tags on some sites are supposed to mean. Curiosity is powerful.) can get the better of me. I joined GYE so I have to give an accounting, and I even had a fall since I joined, which I reported. I have a life's story, like everyone else, and here I shared some. Maybe some more another time.
But another reason I write this is because I look at what other people have written here, and I realize how small I am. I, the guy who sits up front at dinners, the guy whom you may have even heard at a dinner or some other place, I look at you in awe. Because I am not torn to shreds like some of you are, I have a happy marriage, and so many of you are working so hard to just keep the pieces in place. You are brutally honest with yourselves, and in spite of being in places I have only read about, doing things out there....in spite of that you are here, trying mightily to get only closer to Hashem, to be good, to be clean. I also struggle, but nowhere nearly as much as most of the people here. And I wish I could shake your hand and tell you how proud I am of you. I am so proud, and I know that I can't imagine how proud Hashem is. Keep it up!!! In this world I'm at the head table at the dinner, but believe me, at the se'udas livyason you guys will be up there, I hope I'll at least be in the crowd!
Thank you for this post! Did you ever end up reaching out to your rabbi from your youth? I have not yet have a chance to read through all of your posts on this thread.
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10 Feb 2023 14:05
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iLoveHashem247
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Vehkam wrote on 10 Feb 2023 05:25:
This is a two part post. Part one is important for me to document but part two is more emotional…. Part 1 It has been difficult to post recently. Boruch hashem I’ve been busy. Between work, maintaining the house, teaching at night and dating there really hasn’t been any extra time. At times I wonder if I have plateaued. Am I continuing to grow? Sometimes it is difficult to know especially when things are relatively stable. At those times it is gratifying to be able to come back here to my thread and see where I was holding twelve months ago. Or even six months ago. It becomes much easier to see that yes I am continuing to grow. I ordered the battle of the generation from Amazon one year ago. Since then I have read it cover to cover more than six times! I didn’t even start therapy until the end of March last year! Now I no longer need to go very often. I am learning considerably more in the last few months and I am teaching as well. My rov even asked me to speak in Shul when he was away. While I am proud of my recovery I no longer see myself exclusively through the lens of recovery. Without question recovery was the catalyst but the desire to live a life that will bring nachas to hashem is no longer rooted in recovery. I just want to be close to hashem. this is the most exciting time of the year. Purim is coming and I can celebrate that closeness without inhibitions. Nissan is already on the horizon and I am waiting with heightened anticipation for that month in which we celebrate Hashem taking us out from a world of darkness and connecting us to a world of light. Pesach will always be the yomtov on which I celebrate my personal redemption. Part 2 Last year about this time I was on my way to recovery. I was committed and hopeful but still very much unsure of myself. At some point I was cleaning up at home and I came across a bag of stuff from my previous forbidden life that I had stashed in the back of some shelf. (This was not anything explicit but at the same time it was very much connected to my forbidden activities). My first thought was that I better get rid of this asap. Then I had an inspiration. I wanted to feel what it would be like to bring a korbon Pesach. I decided to save the stuff until erev Pesach. I continued to work at spiritually cleaning myself. On erev Pesach I davened early. Then I took my bag of stuff and drove to the dumpsters that were set up near my neighborhood for extra garbage on erev pesach. I sat in my car and said tehillim with tears streaming down my cheeks. I davened that hashem accept my korbon as if I had brought a real live korbon pesach. Then I threw the bag into the dumpster and left. It is difficult to describe the connection that I felt at this moment While I am far from perfect, I wont have such a korbon to bring this year. I daven from the bottom of my heart that we will all be able to bring the korbon pesach in yerushalayim this year. But if somehow it is still not the time for that, I will be somewhere someplace in my car saying tehillim with tears streaming down my cheeks. Asking hashem to remember last years korbon, to help me stay on this path and to please allow my words to continue to inspire others to do the same. I don’t know why I was never able to write about this. I thought about it but somehow never found the right tone to describe this very personal moment. I thank hashem for inspiring me with the words to do so at this time. Best wishes Vehkam
That is very special thank you for sharing!
If I may add - I had a similar experience with drugs- I once found a stuffed bag filled with the highest quality goods I had ever seen/smelled as I was fighting to break through from the addiction.
i said no way out loud and dumped the bag in a nearby lake.
Have not done any drugs since then.
whenever I’m struggling, I think back to that moment - the whole experience, Sun on my skin, rustling reeds, cool lake water, my old purple towel draped draped over a rock, my paint splattered black crocs, the colorful bag, the smell of the drugs- the bright orange, deep purple, greenish yellow threads, the icy frosting, the large fleshy clumps…
and the feeling of throwing away an addiction into the lake
the korban that set me free
that sacrifice, just like yours, is eternal and nobody can take it away from you
time will not dilute it
just keep the memory fresh in your mind and it will give you strength
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10 Feb 2023 01:18
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Geshmak!
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DavidT wrote on 09 Feb 2023 20:37:
Geshmak! wrote on 09 Feb 2023 18:20:
It’s really sad how I get turned on ( triggered by anything) like my wife asked me to watch a cute baking video with her. I asked her if it’s kosher. She said sure. Ok. So I watch and all I saw was the woman’s hand ( nothing else not body face, my wife wouldn’t even know it was a lady) and that’s all I was watching and thinking about ( how she really looked and what she was wearing ( like maybe she’s naked) ) and of course answering my wife that I thought it’s soooo cute… but all was really thinking abt was sex. CRAZY ME! SICK ME!
the real word I want to use starts with a F but I try not the say or type that word so…
It's true that some people are triggered more easily than others, but it does not mean that they are crazy. There is a reason that chazal teach us (Gemara in Berakhot (24a) R. Yitzchak said: A tefach of a woman is considered *ervah. Anyone who gazes [even] at a woman’s little finger is considered as if he was gazing at her private parts.
And like you say "I gotta remember that I can’t drink in even a drop of lust" ...
You should know I really appreciate what you wrote. Thx!
btw it’s really comforting to see how makpid the Torah is with kidushah( like not to walk behind women or even star at pinky or the whole איסר יחוד… ) like all these rules show that H’ made hes Torah for as if all yidden are addicts. Like chzal were actually scared that people are gonna do זנות if not for all these rules. So I see I’m not alone or crazy. Like 2000 years ago they made rules for people just like me.
גוט שבת!!
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09 Feb 2023 17:49
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Geshmak!
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Update I’m on day 10 for not being mzl. I’m going through tough time now but I’ll survive bhy!
I gotta remember that I can’t drink in even a drop of lust just like someone addict to alcohol gets drunk from a sip I get drunk from one look yes I’m going crazy now cause I saw nice women walking In front of me for a minute to long I should’ve of crossed the street but I thought like big deal she’s fully dressed what gonna happen if I look and enjoy a little. But now I’m fighting a tough fight. Oish! H’ help me! 
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08 Feb 2023 02:36
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Markz
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 08 Feb 2023 00:35:
Markz wrote on 31 Jan 2023 04:49:
Been good bh, but will adopt now your nusach:
I, YeshivaGuy, swear, that if I contact/engage in conversation with at all, with this non-Jewish woman, I will right away speak to another gye friend. I will speak to a gye friend right away regardless. If I don’t call a friend to chat about it in the next 36 hours, I will donate $100 to IMG (thought I’d bring him back a shtikl).”
Why is there something wrong with talking to a non Jewish woman (such as my therapist)?
Tractate Nedarim is over bro.
No more swearing allowed.
Chat with me (serious!) or any other brother here.
Don’t wait till you hit danger zone.  Warning: Spoiler!If you really want I can give you her number too (covered by insurance, but she’s not an addiction specialist).
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05 Feb 2023 01:13
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Geshmak!
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A gut vuch!
I wish there would be a special forum for people that are sex addicts. Like I need to hear from others that are going through what I am not just having a bad habit etc but guys that can’t live with out sex lusting away. I guess the reason is cause all of the sex addicts here go to sa and get chizuk there. Whatever.
but I’m just wondering if someone can give me chizuk on what to do when thoughts of just giving up thoughts of just running away from wife kids community and just do what I want… like I have such thoughts way to often and I’m sure other addicts have them too. Any chizuk or ideas to fight these horrible thoughts off my mind will be greatly appreciated!
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04 Feb 2023 22:30
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simchaft
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Shalom, I usually nevewr write on Forums, especially not in English since I come from a Non English Speaking country. However far too many people are struggling right now, so I wanted to add my two cents.
I started my BT Journey after last Rosh Hashana. Slowly but steady grew in my Yiddishkeit and started fixing my Brit.
In a period of 4 months, I fell 3 times. 3 times too much!! Not to direct pornography but still to "lighter" stuff ("Social Media" which is pornography in disguise) which is in no ways justifiable. I reverted to this past sins because this is what I used to do before I was starting Teshuva and somehow I manage to pull of streaks of almost 2 months, then this evil Yetzer Hara reminds me of my past. Only a couple of years ago when I was still in (secular) school I was addicted to this filfth.
I had no filters on my Internet for my entire life until one week ago, but still, I relapsed after almost 2 months (stopped counting).
That's crazy considering I live on my own, am young, and am not married.
However now is Day 2 (in one hour: 3 Shmirat Habris) and 2 Shmirat Aynayim, I have felt crazy urges on Shabbos but with the help of the Almighty had great learning instead of great regret. Now I realize that the urge is disappearing, which lead me to this Chizuk:
ONCE you "fell"(Hashem Yerachem) never get too down on yourself, also don't think that you are the biggest Tzaddik just because You feel extremely guilty and crying after. That is normal and everybody who knows about the consequences (if we don't do proper Teshuva) should. KEEP A BALANCE and dont let Satan fool you. Remember its all the Yetzer Hara. I somehow feel that after a couple days of withstanding the most difficult urges, I am back on 60 and not Day 3. The goal is to never fall in the first place and the biggest recipe is Torah and HARD Mussar. Don't forget to do the Night Shema EVERYTIME not just when You have urges, this is mainly a reminder to myself!
Praying for all of us that we do speedily recovery and never go back! After all, life has so much more to offer!
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03 Feb 2023 21:06
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Emes-a-Yid
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taherlibeinu wrote on 01 Sep 2021 12:10:
HI Everyone,
Firstly I just want to echo much of what has been said. This is a tremendous site. Tremendous Yashar Koach to those who founded it.
I just want to share my story. I hope it will help people as well as myself. I am in my 30's with BH an incredibly loving family... but my story begins way before then..
I grew up back in the late 90's/0's in what can probably be defined as a modern orthodox home. Back then the internet was just coming to the forefront. There wasn't such a thing as a filter on both TV or computer (not that it is an excuse!) download speeds were about 3KB! Unfortunately there was still pornography.. I quickly became completely hooked acting out most days. In fact throughout my teenagehood i don't think once i went from Shabbos to Shabbos without slipping up. Somehow at the same time i grew in Yiddishkeite, I had this tremendous thirst for learning Torah and closeness to the Ribbono Shel Olam, i went through incredible highs of learning and focusing on Limud Hatorah and then a fall.. a cycle which am sure you are familiar with.
Like you all i didn't want to let anyone know about it so i suffered in silence. Throughout Yeshiva (which i did much better - went nearly 2 months at one point with no fall) and then after.. I went through a lot in my early 20's but my addiction was always with me.. In Yeshiva i met with a Rabbi/Physcologist and discussed this issue but it didn't really help.
As i have grown up I realise how this is so much a part of me but at the same time not. I am able at sometimes to go long periods without acting out and then all of a sudden i fall.. as an addict - and yes that is exactly what i am - i know that the only way i have a chance is to completely limit my access to such material. I don't have a smart phone and my laptop has webchaver installed which my wife gets emails for. It took me so long to get this installed but it is amazing to know that someone is looking at what i look at and it really helps stop the urge. Yet somehow there seems to always be a way for me to fall.. for example yesterday i came across my wifes old Iphone.. whilst i didn't go the full way i had a complete fall in terms of what i saw. I threw away the old charger so for now i cannot use it again but i will also remove the phone.
Despite these fallbacks I am determined to succeed. The greatest power the Yetzer Harah has is one of despair. Don't ever let it fool you into thinking you are too far gone..
I wanted to list out some of the things that helped me.. You will know most if not all of them but just in case it helps is worth mentioning.
1) Make it as difficult as possible to access pornographic material. Many of my sudden urges all come because i realise there is an "opening" to see something inappropriate. If you close the loophole often the urges might not come as often or as strong. This is absolutely critical - without this we are not giving ourselves the chance we deserve. Not having a smartphone is one of the biggest blessings in my life. Do not think for one minute it will impact your Parnassah. He who gives Parnassah is perfectly able to give me what i need without requiring a smartphone.
2) Have hobbies, be involved in other things.. whether it is a board for a charity/shul or chavruta or seeing friends. especially if you are single fill your day and give yourself less of a chance.
3) I keep a Cheshbon Hanefesh, i try each day to write in it and i keep track of how many days there. I list my goals and thank Hashem for everything each day. It is a very powerful tool. Accountability is also important, if i fall i try give Tzedaka afterwards and i fast half day on the following Sunday. These are not extreme things but i make sure to do them as a form of Teshuva. After that i move on.
4) Rav Moshe Weinberger Shlita has incredible shiurim on this topic. He has a Chaburas Yosef Hatzadik which deals precisely with this inyan. There is also a hidden gem of a shiur on YU torah which he has about this - www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/914698/rabbi-moshe-weinberger/kedusha-is-it-within-our-reach/ I cannot recommend this highly enough. I try jogging at least twice a week and i often listen to this shiur
5) I am talking to myself here -- Remember He who put you on this world gave you this challenge. He knows you and He has given you the kochos you need to win this battle. One day you will have to go back to him with to paraphrase Ki Tzavo "Your Basket of fruit" all your Mitzvot and deeds. You have the opportunity whilst here to make a difference, to do so much good. "The day after" i have to remind myself. If Hashem let me wake up today its because He trusts in me. If He didn't want me here He is perfectly able to take me anytime He wills. I am here because He believes in me. Its time to believe in myself also.
6) Daven, Daven and Daven some more. Hashem is here to help, He wants to help us. I pray He gives me strength and may He help you too.
For me my next step is to seriously take on the 90 day challenge.. 30 days has been my average period recently apart from the odd time over Pesach when i went 50+ days, my last fall yesterday was 21 days which is not good. One day at a time but for me bring on 90 days! I pray that with the Ribbono Shel Olam's help i will achieve this.. 90 days takes me to Tuesday 30th November. Please Hashem help me to get there.
If you are still reading.. thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. BH you should be matzliach in your own Nisyonos. May Hashem grant us all a Shana Tova Umetuka.
Unreal everyone should take a look at your strategic ideas in staying away maybe people will try it out.. I’m printing this bzh the numbers u said, it is very good shkoyach
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