We need to think less and live more. And we certainly should not think about "not failing anymore". Let Hashem control the outcomes, today and tomorrow and forever. All we have is the present split second. Live it to the best of your ability. Do your part in avoiding all lustful triggers, and do your part in living positively. For example, the great gift of Shabbos is once again upon us. Make the most of it. Connect to Hashem - daven with kavannah - sing zemiros with geshmak - eat lekovod Shabbos - review the Parsha - learn as much Torah as you can - find time to speak privately to Hashem - ask Him for continued success in your journey - connect with other people and focus on making them happy. i.e. think less about failing (as they say, "fell shmell - keep on trucking"), and just focus on living a sane life. One second at a time - one day at a time.

You're worth it & You can do it - be-ezrat Hashem,

Shabbat Shalom

MT

In Bamidbar 1:49, Rashi explains why the Leviim weren't counted with the rest of the people: so that they wouldn't be in the same category as the rest of the Jewish people who Hashem knew would eventually sin in the chet of the Meraglim.

An obvious question: wouldn't the Leviim also sin in the Chet of the Meraglim? Rather, says the Mizrachi, the rest of the people had sinned in both the Egel and the Meraglim, whereas the Leviim only sinned in the area of the Meraglim; it was both of the aveiros that caused the deaths in the midbar, not only one. Since the Leviim only did one of the sins, not two, they weren't part of the gezeira.

Now I have a question on the above: don't we say that it was only 3,000 people that sinned in the Egel out of the 3 million or so people there? If so, weren't other people equally blameless?

I believe there could be two answers; for the purposes of this dvar Torah, I'll focus on the second. The first is that there were other aveiros ("vayakumu letzachek"), so maybe the leviim were the only ones not to participate in the subsidiary aveiros. The second answer:

The Leviim got up after the fall. They were the ones that were able to get back up, answer to "Mi LaHashem Eilai" and start anew. The Leviim were the only ones that got right back up after the fall in klal yisroel.


If we can get up, even after our falls, and keep on trucking, we, like the Leviim, can be saved from "death in the midbar"--i.e. we will eventually succeed in our struggle.

welcome aboard!!

Your story sounds extremely familiar, like all the rest of ours. The question is, what is your plan to stop?

If you have one, why not share it?

If not, and it is because you don't know what to do, i would suggest you start by reading the Handbook, it will give you tools and attitudes will need to get past this.

Also, realizing your triggers is a big help, cause you can try to avoid them.

Whatever the case, Keep On Trucking (KOT)!!!!!!
we're all rooting for you!!

thanks for sharing so openly.
your post gives me chizuk

keep on trucking, things do get better

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!!!!!

and i would like to add to that KOMT (monster)

It's forward, without looking back!!

syataDshmaya wrote:


I'm not sure why, but I experienced, and have read others had the same too, that as we stopped watching porn the YH started bombarding us with fantasies, those were much stronger struggles for me not to masturbate to them, than to go watch porn when i first stopped.

Encouragement: I think that you might want to take on Mr. E's idea and flip it around, 20 some days porn clean, 1 day masturbation clean!!

Advice: Same as Gibor, feeling down will not get you anywhere (if anything it only makes us feel good about ourselves, "hey i must still be really holy cause look how bad i feel" so that we can do it again,-just a thought)so KOT KOMT!!!

welcome to gye.
keep on trucking.
devote some time to work on this every day.
hatzlocha

Welcome to the clan!!
I don't know why you are a minority here, there are plenty of singles in their teens out here, not that it makes a big difference. (marriage may only make it more difficult in a way).

One thing is for sure, you came to the right place!!
Hope you find your niche and Keep On Trucking!!
Hatzlacha!!

You are so right, Elias. It's a stupid thought.

I have lots of stupid thoughts. So? It's just a thought, probably based on a feeling, and all of them are untrustworthy. So I do not believe my feelings and thoughts half the time.

You do not need to, either.

Keep on trucking.

breath wrote:


Machshovo Tova wrote:

nitzotzeloki wrote:


Machshovo Tova wrote:

Sorry to read about your fall. As you mentioned, today is Rosh Chodesh - and it's Rosh Chodesh Iyar, which stand for:
אייר = אני ה' רופאך
A month when Hashem heals all types of diseases, including ours. So grab the moment and do start again. I don't know how many times you started again, but I'm willing to bet that I did so much much more times than you (more than 4 decades on the roller coaster). But B"H I resolved early on never to give up. We may not be able to control the outcome, but we definitely can resolve to always keep on trucking (as they say around here). Take it a day at a time. Ask Hashem (daily at least) for assistance. Do your share of staying away from triggers. And iy"H you will look back after a while and see that it was worth all the effort. Take it from an old-timer. Good days are yet to come. Go for it!

Hatzlacha

MT

if you speak to an anonymous guy whos done the 12 steps thats a great idea as they wont get triggered that easily.

the truth be told its not necessary to get graphic.talking about solutions,underlying stresses and a new relationship with our all time companion- Hashem is not triggering and thats the direction which will bring us to freedom.

Hatzlocho rabba and all the best!
KOT & KIT
(keep on trucking and keep in touch)!

and if you may fall
don't worry yourself at all
just keep on trucking

thank you gevurah, i know it doesn't have to rhyme. i'm a machmir

I'm willing to also agree it's a slip, but only if you stop thinking about it already and start moving forward, i.e. keep on trucking - full speed ahead. Reb Nachman teaches us that we must use the gift of "shikcha" to forget our past mistakes and look towards the bright future with great simcha.

Go for it!

MT

ZemirosShabbos wrote:


Hey i know that song too

But i don't sing that for Zemiros on Shabbos