Hey Ted!

Six weeks plus is something to be proud about, you have accomplished quite a bit, however I don't want to upset you, it's no dream it's reality, so many years of the opposite way will take a while to heal the pain and gain confidence and comfort.

Keep on trucking, work on some program whatever it is and pray to Hashem for help.

Be'Hatzlacha

Dude even when times seem are dark and you can't explain why things are happening remember that Hashem has a master plan and everything happens for the ultimate good. Hashem loves you and brings tests because he wants you to grow as a person and come close to him.

We don't always have answers to why things happen. The trick is to take each test as an opportunity to grow. The greater the person the more potential therefore more tests and more growth. Hashem sees the person with more potential and guides him with tests in order to grow. You wonder why all the greatest people had so many challenges. Do you really think Hashem needs our prayers? What does prayer do? When שרה didn't have a child, do we really think this was some cruel joke by Hashem? Has Hashem not realised that שרה has not had a child and only now after all this prayer does Hashem realise. No! Hashem sees potential. Hashem sees that שרה has huge potential. Therefore Hashem makes it that people with greater potential have greater tests. By giving tests we are given the opportunity to grow and pray. Hashem doesn't need our prayer. Everything is for the final purpose which is ultimately for the good.

Let's say there is a 47000 page maths equation and then there is a final answer. We cannot comprehend how it got to this clear answer. But each minute section of the equation are events that all lead up to it. In the end we have to realise that everything leads to the answer and it will be clear

What feels better? To be on level 1 on a running machine. Your breathing rate has hardly increased. Your not sweating at all.
Or on level 53 you are sweating away, your muscles are aching.
During the actual run it might be easier to be the guy on level 1 breezing through, not making any efforts. He is hardly growing at all though. There are no tests or challenges.
By the end of the run though, the person feeling the best is the one who went on level 53.
We might find in life we are finding it hard to be frum. We see that our friends are having what's a so called "fun" life. We want to live life like them.

There are challenges that seem too hard to overcome and we think why me? When we are sent a challenge you have to realise that the ultimate goal of any challenge is so that you could grow as a person. Why did Hashem want שרה to pray for a child.

Does Hashem really need her prayers? Of course not! You think he didn't know she needed a child? Hashem saw that שרה had great potential. Therefore Hashem activated this by sending a test. The prayers meant that שרה could grow as a person and therefore come closer to Hashem and grow as a person. The teacher is always quiet during the test.. there will be times when you don't see all the answers.
Next time you are sent a test don't waste the chance! This is a great opportunity of growth. Hashem has found potential!

When I take my kid to the doctor, I sometimes need to hold him down while he screams his head off because I'm allowing and even paying for the doctor to stick him with a needle. Am I being cruel?

The difference between my moshul with me and my son, and Hashem and us, is that in the case of my son, we are both human. I may be older and wiser and have more life experience, but all that can be measured. Between us and Hashem, the differences are infinite.

Life is like a heartbeat. If there were no ups and downs you wouldn't be alive.

Next time you are challenged, listen to that heartbeat and remember that everything will turn out for the best.

Remember the ladder from last weeks parasha. Hashem could have chosen anything, stairs, a lift.. why do angels need ladders in the first place?? When you climb a ladder you look up. When you go down the ladder you look up. We need to remember that ultimately everything is from Hashem and even when we fall we need to look up to Hashem. The ladder leans on Hashem. Our whole life we are climbing the ladder and Hashem is their watching us.

Another yesod is: progress not perfection.

We find that Yakov while crossing a river at night, Yakov remains behind the rest of his family, and is accosted by Eisav’s guardian angel, which has many forms – Satan, the angel of death, the evil inclination etc:

וַיִּוָּתֵר יַעֲקֹב, לְבַדּוֹ; וַיֵּאָבֵק אִישׁ עִמּוֹ, עַד עֲלוֹת הַשָּׁחַר. וַיַּרְא, כִּי לֹא יָכֹל לוֹ, וַיִּגַּע, בְּכַף-יְרֵכוֹ; וַתֵּקַע כַּף-יֶרֶךְ יַעֲקֹב, בְּהֵאָבְקוֹ עִמּוֹ. וַיֹּאמֶר שַׁלְּחֵנִי, כִּי עָלָה הַשָּׁחַר; וַיֹּאמֶר לֹא אֲשַׁלֵּחֲךָ, כִּי אִם-בֵּרַכְתָּנִי. וַיֹּאמֶר אֵלָיו, מַה-שְּׁמֶךָ; וַיֹּאמֶר, יַעֲקֹב. וַיֹּאמֶר, יַעֲקֹב לא יֵאָמֵר עוֹד שִׁמְךָ–כִּי, אִם-יִשְׂרָאֵל: כִּי-שָׂרִיתָ עִם-אֱלֹהִים וְעִם-אֲנָשִׁים, וַתּוּכָל. וַיִּשְׁאַל יַעֲקֹב, וַיֹּאמֶר הַגִּידָה-נָּא שְׁמֶךָ, וַיֹּאמֶר, לָמָּה זֶּה תִּשְׁאַל לִשְׁמִי; וַיְבָרֶךְ אֹתוֹ, שָׁם. – And Yakov was left alone, and a man grappled with him until daybreak. And when he saw that he could not overcome him, he struck his hip, and dislocated his hip, as he grappled with him. And he said, “Let me go, because dawn is breaking!” – but Yakov said “I will not let you go, until you bless me”. So he said to him, “What is your name?”, and he replied, “Yakov”. And he said, “No longer shall your name be Yakov, for your name is Yisrael, because you have mastery with God and men, and you have prevailed”. And Yakov asked, and said, “Now tell me your name?”‘ and he replied, “Why is it you ask for my name?”‘ and he blessed him there. (32:25-30)

Rashi explains how the word וַיֵּאָבֵק – to wrestle/grapple, comes from the word אבק, dust, called so for the dust that is kicked up when moving and grappling for leverage. There is a Midrash that the dust kicked up from this epic struggle, reached all the way to Hashem’s throne.

R Tzvi Meir Silberberg explains how this relates to all of our struggles. People think that Judaism is about results, an end product. Not so. It was the not the victory that went up to Heaven; that remained with Yakov. But the struggle, the dust kicked up, went straight up to Hashem.
No one is born perfect. We are human, and we struggle. It is the human condition, and it’s what we are here for.

It is apt that this struggle occurs at night, which is darkness, the uncertain, the unknown. When confronted with light, which is truth and reality, the night is dispelled. This angel has to leave at sunrise, to sing in front of Hashem.

The Gemara in Suka teaches how at the end of days, Hashem will slaughter the Satan, and the righteous will cry because they will see it as a mountain, and they don’t understand how they overcame it, but the evil will cry because it will be as if it were a hair, and lament their lack of control and discipline to resist it. The Yetzer Hara is subjective.

The Steipler compares this to someone who hasn’t seen their family in a long time, and is certain that when they meet, they will all be happy, and never argue or fight again. It will never last. The imagination stage is always better that the reality, because when reality hits, the illusions disappear.
The angel had to leave when confronted with reality, and Yakov asks for his name. He asks for his name. The angel seems to refuse a real answer, “Why is it you ask for my name?”.

R’ Leib Chasman explains that this is the essence of what it is – nothing. It cannot be defined, because it’s almost a reflection of ourselves. There is no answer to what is, just what we make it into.

Keep on trucking. One day at a time!!!

unanumun wrote:


Oh well. so much for that. The urge came back.
I have been having a tough few days with things that are going on in my life, and sure enough yesterday I found myself having an urge to escape back to my porn. Thankfully I had already left the office for the day.
I had a feeling of lust while driving around on some errands. I realized something interesting about my feelings. At that point I felt that if I had a choice between going home and being with my wife (theoretically, because it definitely wasn't shayich at the the time) or going to watch porn, I would have prefered the porn.
It made me realize that it wasn't about sex at all. It was just wanting to run to the porn as an escape from all that was going on.
Before GYE when I had those feelings I didn't fully understand what it was that I was craving. Just understanding what it was that I really needed was a big help.
I reached out to two of my GYE friends. It helped tremendously. It pulled me through. One of the two had been at one of the mekomos hakedoishim and got out of his car and went back in to say a kapittel tehillim for me. It brought tears to my eyes.
I realized I am not in this alone anymore. I have friends I can discuss this with (even if I still only know some of them only by their user names) People I can open up to, and they are there for me when I need them.
today is better. gonna keep on trucking.....
To be continued..... (I am sure, as much as I wish it would be the end)

ya your right i have to take one day at a time and just relax and things will be okay i have to take dms gye method take deep breaths not thinking about whats ahead of me. so i took my time to write a poem and it makes me feel some what better about myself.

Shmulke Poem
Achieving

So writing a poem makes me feel great when i share it with friends or family because once they see the poem I have written they might comment on the poem and give me complements to which makes me feel good so I have decided to write a poem and here how it goes.

I am happy when I write a poem
Because it makes me feel classy.
Once i achieve a goal
it makes me feel relieved
When I can do an activity
Either writing or learning something new
It gives me the will power
That I can basically do anything
That I can’t fail by doing. When I feel like giving up
I wont let that happen
Because I can always gear up
For the better the more I spread my feelings to
Others to communicate with people
The better off I am to tread water and keep on trucking

I fell again last night and this morning, smaller ones on the scale, but falls none the less.

I had two insights through Yom Tov.

1) I was madly depressed on the first day of Yom Tov. I was HATING myself, hating my life, hating everything about me. Going down that train of thought used to end me up being terribly upset with Hashem as well, but this time it was quite different.

As the thought of "Hashem hates me" started to come, all of my GYE education kicked in and I couldn't help but realize that Hashem loves me just the way I am....it's ME who is upset with the way I am, it is me who is keeping myself miserable!!

The depression didn't lift right away, but it started from there and quicker than other times, it passed.

2) While I was talking to Hashem on Shabbos I was asking Him to help me on Motzei Shabbos, and I started saying "Even though I'm doing ok now, I know that it's so so so so......easy to get off track" After quite a few "so"s I realized that it's quite the opposite.

Default is that I will give in to temptation, default is that when a desire comes I have to satiate it! If I want to stay clean I have to actively go out of that stream, I have to constantly fight against the current!! That's why I'm here, malachim do the right thing by default, Hashem doesn't need me for that.

Starting Today again. It is very easily depressing, as I used to be doing so well......just gotta keep on trucking!!

There's only a little time left for the opportunity that I have here to have an unfiltered computer, I don't need to take advantage of it, not today.

You have something called insight and awareness. Those are very powerful tools.

You say you feel empty, lacking something. It's just a feeling that comes and goes, and it's ok to feel that way sometimes.

Just gotta ride it out and keep on trucking.

It's the NOW that matters!! One day at a time!!

Enjoy the NOW, relish it, make it the best that you can!!

Keep on Trucking!! One Day at a time!!

hey there MBHM!!

Wlecome to GYE!!

Don't be a stranger, tell us more about yourself!

As for that question, I don't think anyone can answer that definitively. The common experience here is, though, that it does get easier. I don't know how long you have been acting out, but for me 55 days is a drop in the bucket, and it wouldn't be reasonable for me to say "Well I'm "clean" for 55 days, so those ten of years of lusting should just fall away magically!!"

(I put clean in quotations because it can have different meanings. Are you not lusting at all, or are you lusting and just not acting out?)

Keep on Posting!! Keep on Trucking!!

Welcome mitzvahman!! Are you under Uncle Moishe's contract?

It's great that you are here. What did you do to stop looking at provocative material? Have you stopped looking at all provocative material?

I ask that because when I first came I thought that I had a problem with porn, AlexEliezer kindly hinted that I ask myself if that was really the case, was I guarding my eyes on the streets? with family? At home?

Lust has many ways that it can get it's fuel, and I need to cut out all those in order to be sober.

Keep on posting brother!! Keep on Trucking!!

Hello and welcome mitzvahman.
You came to the right place. you are doing great being able to go 10 days at a time.
But it would be a lot of help if you share some more info. like age or if you are married ....
The main thing is stick around And keep on trucking.

Welcome to GYE!!

You'd be surprised at how many of us are "normal Yeshivah guys" or even better "normal chassidish guys"!!(I'm neither, nobody has ever accused me of being normal )

Whatever we are, this place brings us together to grow closer to Hashem in our own ways, but together!!

Don't be a stranger, share with us how long you're struggling, what you've tried to do to stop and what your plan is for the future!!

A Gmar Chasimah Tovah!!!

Keep on Trucking!!

Hashem loves you!!

A belated Welcome HN!!

As I'm sure you feel already, there's nothing to be nervous about, we're all in the same boat, all having similar experiences!

See you around!!

Keep on Trucking!!! Keep on Posting!

Mazal Tov!!!

May you be zocheh to many many many more one clean days!!!

Keep On trucking!! KOP!!

hey, great first step. the initial "coming out" (for the lack of a better term), can be really hard. i just joined here a couple weeks ago and i feel like part of one big happy family. the guys here are great, they are a massive help. i am still struggling but i feel so much more positive these days. i feel much less guilt, its amazing. keep in touch as much as you can, in can really help you.

as they say, KOT! (keep on trucking). btw there are approximately 8,000,000,000,000 private jokes on here, so u may not know what they are talking about all the time.

YES TOU CAN!!

keep it up, bro.

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!

and keep in touch!!!