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23 May 2019 16:13

Kedusha

With tremendous gratitude to the RBS'O, to Guard, and to the GYE community, I am happy to report that I reached a special milestone today, be'H - 10 Years Clean!

Now, this is very important - I need to keep reminding myself:
Take it one decade  DAY at a time!

Wishing everyone a wonderful Lag Ba'Omer.  Keep on trucking, and hoping to hear good news from all of you!
01 Apr 2019 23:00

doingtshuva

Markz wrote on 31 Mar 2019 02:08:

doingtshuva wrote on 31 Mar 2019 00:44:

hershy9999 wrote on 25 Mar 2019 16:26:
unfortunately i don't feel like changing yet.

I'll daven that you should get caught, your wife and boss will find out.
I will also call your Rav and they will all force you to quit!   

As long you enjoy the acting out and life/work/marriage stays manageable why should you change?

​ 

DT, if are you a changed man was it due to your Rav / Wife / Boss?

Generally people aren’t forced by anything, until it’s their rock bottom - read Dov’s story for example. 

Change has to come from within.

So look at this thread. It’s amazing Gye’s Success!
Post 1 Hershy wasn’t ready for anything. 4 days later he was already crying out for help. Thats very quick lane change. 

Hershy you’re on a good road to DoingTeshuva :-)

Keep On Trucking

As long I was able to P&M together with work/family/shiurim/etec' I didn't think of stopping.
But when life started to get unmanageable, then I decided to take it seriously.
Category: Introduce Yourself
31 Mar 2019 02:08

Markz

doingtshuva wrote on 31 Mar 2019 00:44:

hershy9999 wrote on 25 Mar 2019 16:26:
unfortunately i don't feel like changing yet.

I'll daven that you should get caught, your wife and boss will find out.
I will also call your Rav and they will all force you to quit!   

As long you enjoy the acting out and life/work/marriage stays manageable why should you change?

​ 

DT, if are you a changed man was it due to your Rav / Wife / Boss?

Generally people aren’t forced by anything, until it’s their rock bottom - read Dov’s story for example. 

Change has to come from within.

So look at this thread. It’s amazing Gye’s Success!
Post 1 Hershy wasn’t ready for anything. 4 days later he was already crying out for help. Thats very quick lane change. 

Hershy you’re on a good road to DoingTeshuva :-)

Keep On Trucking
Category: Introduce Yourself
29 Mar 2019 16:39

Markz

hershy9999 wrote on 29 Mar 2019 15:31:
if you don't mind please daaven for me  שיתעורר לבי לעשות רצון ה' ולעבדו בלבב שלם
Thank you

What’s your mother’s name bro?

Generally from what I’ve seen here, the ones that find some sort of long term Trucking, are those that get into the lane, share their name, bare their shame with another guy here, and Keep on Trucking. Even I tried that ;-)
Category: Introduce Yourself
08 Jan 2019 08:15

Calculator

On Vayera:
The first posuk uses the strong term וַיְדַבֵּ֥ר then name of Elokim (also middos hadin) then uses the middos harachamim with וַיֹּ֤אמֶר and the name Hashem.
Why so harsh? Says Rashi
וידבר אלהים אל משה. דִּבֵּר אִתּוֹ מִשְׁפָּט, עַל שֶׁהִקְשָׁה לְדַבֵּר וְלוֹמַר "לָמָה הֲרֵעֹתָה לָעָם הַזֶּה":
- Hashem is showing displeasure that Moshe questioned the evil that had befell the Yidden after he (Moshe) was sent to help.
ויאמר אליו אני ה'.נֶאֱמָן לְשַׁלֵּם שָׂכָר טוֹב לַמִּתְהַלְּכִים לְפָנַי, וְלֹא לְחִנָּם שְׁלַחְתִּיךָ כִּי אִם לְקַיֵּם דְּבָרִי שֶׁדִּבַּרְתִּי לָאָבוֹת הָרִאשׁוֹנִים. 
- nonetheless, Hashem pays back to those who fulfill his word and he is not sending Moshe for naught but to fulfill his task.

The Midrash Rabbah on the Parsha brings a pasuk from Koheles 

וּפָנִ֤יתִֽי אֲנִי֙ לִרְא֣וֹת חָכְמָ֔ה וְהוֹלֵל֖וֹת וְסִכְל֑וּת כִּ֣י ׀ מֶ֣ה הָאָדָ֗ם שֶׁיָּבוֹא֙ אַחֲרֵ֣י הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ אֵ֥ת אֲשֶׁר־כְּבָ֖ר עָשֽׂוּהוּ׃

For what will the man be like who will succeed the one who is ruling over what was built up long ago? My thoughts also turned to appraising wisdom and madness and folly.

It mentions the reference to "outthinking" Hashem applies to Moshe here (questioning the reason why Hashem wasn't helping the Yidden per Moshe's reasoned way) and Shlomo Hamelech who thought the mitzvah for a King to limit his wives was only due straying away from Hashem. Reasoned Shlomo, I can have many wives and not stray thus maintaining the point of the mitzva.
Both are huge failures - Moshe (see Rashi 6:1) is now not able to see the conquering of Eretz Yisrael. And Shlomo, forgetting where in the Gemara, says that when he married Bas Pharoah that the foundation of Rome was founded. Nonetheless, Hashem sees the tzaar of Klal Yisrael and reacts with Rachamim.

I'd like to say the following. When we do averios and things that are wrong, we feel bad. And when we get chizuk that's it all going to be ok or get dragged into thinking all will be bad - either way we ask - but we did so many bad things what now? 
Moshe Rabbeinu hadn't even got to Makkah Numero Uno, and he already knew his leadership would be lacking at the end. Shlomo started in part the force that would provide the most problems for Klal Yisrael. And they were big tzaddikim and davened, and Moshe went up to Shmayim to deliver the Torah, and from Shlomo (thru his line of Dovid) will come Mashiach. Yet Hashem didn't later go "BTW Moshe you can go to Eretz Yisrael, let's forget about that thing before - no biggy!" Nor did Hashem place a wanted ad for a new Manhig Yisrael.
Nope, Moshe on his level made an error, was told in no uncertain terms, and the consequences he lived with. Still serving and was MOSHE RABBEINU.

When we do something bad, we cause bad. No two ways about it. We have now created negativity in the world that must be rectified. However, Hashem leaves it at that and gives us a hug - any feeling of din at that point is now the Yetzer Hara. Now is the time for mercy. We keep on trucking not obliviously, but we face the reality of what we have done and then know with love from Hashem we can continue and still do great things.
Unless you want to say that you want to better than Moshe or Shlomo (please ask the admins for a quality therapist, G-dspeed), the lesson is clear. The Jewish response is recognizing our misdeed not with depression and grieving not denying or sugarcoating, but accepting, then we move on with mercy right away. Yetzias Mitzrayim is just getting started.

Category: BEIS HAMEDRASH
25 Nov 2018 18:46

Markz

Welcome.

I'll be honest I didn't have the time to read it all, sounds like you found a very wide HOV lane

Keep on Trucking!
Category: Break Free
15 Oct 2018 21:53

Markz

Welcome Chattan de'nan

Yeah there's a motto here "Keep on Trucking" but you gotta start slow

A quick question needs a quick answer. But some answers take a few minutes more than that ;-)

Start with some Dov posts and see where they take you. He also has a great recording re; dating

It should be with Mazal and keep us posted
Category: Break Free
11 Oct 2018 00:04

Markz

mzl wrote on 10 Oct 2018 15:58:


...But I was bipolar and I ended up marrying a person who was like an impossible task to live next to, a historic achievement. Someone that was relegated to being single for the rest of her life (but I saw the sweet girl inside.) Normal, healthy options seemed hopelessly depressing. Also, she turned out to have old, deep seated anger and zero tolerance for my addiction. Like Rashi says, when he is behaving she'a an ezer, and when he doesn't she k'negdo.

...thank you for your good thoughts.

Many many people have 'difficult' marriages but they work on it, and don't consider the seeming quick and easy route of moving out as you have mentioned sometimes

I know what it can be and I feel for you, but not working on building the relationship with the wife and progressing in life with a coach for yourself is just gonna keep the old wheels spinning, and mitigates the good old "Keep On Trucking forward" motto

Seems you like writing out your daily thoughts here, and maybe you do as some others do - alot of thinking with a daily journal of data entries. I would be stuck if that's all I had, but maybe if you'd heed Dovs suggestion it would help you, if you're interested... your choice bro!
09 Oct 2018 19:20

Markz

mzl wrote on 09 Oct 2018 18:32:

Thistimeillwin wrote on 08 Oct 2018 11:22:
Well, here we go again.

​I just had a fall, first one since I joined 3 weeks ago, and it can definitely be attributed to my laxity in 'borderline' materials. Obviously, I feel like a failure, and obviously everyone's going to say focus on your clean days and not on your falls...

It doesn't hurt to focus on the "failure" if you view it as a learning experience. You probably want to figure out for yourself what role these borderline materials have to play in your life. Ambiguity is usually a problem in life. You are constantly debating with yourself.

KEEP ON TRUCKING :-)
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
08 Oct 2018 22:39

KoachCheshvan

A variation of the "Keep on Trucking" phrase so popular in the 70s, I assume.
Category: What Works for Me
21 Sep 2018 03:20

Markz

Thistimeillwin wrote on 21 Sep 2018 02:44:
Hello everyone,

I joined GYE just a few days ago and immediately plunged into the 90-Day program.  I am 4 days clean, but maybe not so clean...
See, I am not ready to cut everything out at once, so I've taken the most severe issues on for now.  This includes: looking at p**n, ma**tion, and kishuy loda'as.  I am still, however, not ready to look the other way every time I see a good-looking girl, or maybe read a titillating news story that doesn't arouse me to kishuy.  I hope to take on these challenges once I have a better (even not perfect) grip on the gimmel chamuros mentioned above.
Here's the question, and I'm sure there will be different opinions.  Does this 'count' as a kind-of 90 days, or am wasting my time?  Obviously every moment I overcome my YH (and at this point it's many many moments each day that I have the urge) I am accomplishing great things, but will I accomplish scientifically what the 90 days is supposed to help rewire the mind if I am exposing myself to mild triggers?
I know some will tell me it's easier to do cold-turkey, but at this moment I don't have the willpower for that.  This is what I am willing to do for the meantime, and may Hashem give me hatzlocho and encouragement to go further and further on this journey.

Welcome brother!

You can try that...

Personally It doesn't work for me, if I keep some avenues open, but I hear you and believe that your 3 Chamoros are a league to themselves and a major accomplishment to reach.

Keep us posted, and Keep On Trucking!!
12 Sep 2018 15:27

Markz

Brother - I'm happy you're doing well

Keep on Trucking and don't slow down for those honey cookies
29 Aug 2018 14:55

i-man

cordnoy wrote on 29 Aug 2018 07:08:

Pidaini wrote on 07 Jul 2015 03:52:
Machooooooool Lach, Machooooooooool Lach, Machooooooool Lach!!!

The ikkur is to Keep on Trucking!! Whether it's mega or monstuh, mamish or moiredig.....Just keep on Trucking!!

Another point is to remember the "habitat" in which falls usually take place, isolation. Keeping in touch and honest with friends is one of the most helpful preventatives.

Another component which a fall feeds off of is being unproductive. Try and keep doing things, anything, that is productive.

Keep on trucking, just one more mile!! When you're there, give us a beep, we'll tell you what your next goal is (that is, if you can't guess yourself )

Sounds like you're keepin' connected. What's with the productivity? Went thru many of the posts on this thread now; have you read the handbook?

Godspeed

I am productive though I tend  to minimize my accomplishments in my mind(self esteem issues ?)  But If ploini was accomplishing what I do than I probably would think hes fantastic and be jealous...
As far as the handbook I've read a little here and there it seems like a lot of it can be picked up by reading around the forums  but I guess I will try to read it cover to cover anything to help the cause...
29 Aug 2018 07:36

lionking

cordnoy wrote on 29 Aug 2018 07:08:

Pidaini wrote on 07 Jul 2015 03:52:
Machooooooool Lach, Machooooooooool Lach, Machooooooool Lach!!!

The ikkur is to Keep on Trucking!! Whether it's mega or monstuh, mamish or moiredig.....Just keep on Trucking!!

Another point is to remember the "habitat" in which falls usually take place, isolation. Keeping in touch and honest with friends is one of the most helpful preventatives.

Another component which a fall feeds off of is being unproductive. Try and keep doing things, anything, that is productive.

Keep on trucking, just one more mile!! When you're there, give us a beep, we'll tell you what your next goal is (that is, if you can't guess yourself )

Sounds like you're keepin' connected. What's with the productivity? Went thru many of the posts on this thread now; have you read the handbook?

Godspeed

Cord's, 

Thanks for bumping my truck. Good post. I've been a little in isolation recently. Only doing well since I am too busy to fall, which isn't the greatest way to drive.
29 Aug 2018 07:08

cordnoy

Pidaini wrote on 07 Jul 2015 03:52:
Machooooooool Lach, Machooooooooool Lach, Machooooooool Lach!!!

The ikkur is to Keep on Trucking!! Whether it's mega or monstuh, mamish or moiredig.....Just keep on Trucking!!

Another point is to remember the "habitat" in which falls usually take place, isolation. Keeping in touch and honest with friends is one of the most helpful preventatives.

Another component which a fall feeds off of is being unproductive. Try and keep doing things, anything, that is productive.

Keep on trucking, just one more mile!! When you're there, give us a beep, we'll tell you what your next goal is (that is, if you can't guess yourself )

Sounds like you're keepin' connected. What's with the productivity? Went thru many of the posts on this thread now; have you read the handbook?

Godspeed
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