First of all Welcome to the posting crew!! It's really a big step, and be"h it should be a tool that will now help you to come clean.

Secondly, it sounds like you're pretty observant of what circumstances and situations lead up to your falls which is also a big deal, because it'll help you to avoid what triggers you and you can end up with a clear plan on how to keep winning.

Third, it sounds like you've come to the understanding that this fight isn't an all or nothing. You gotta keep fighting the battles, even though you may have falls along the way. The fact that you fell, doesn't mean that you failed, it's a normal part of growing higher (The fact that I didn't understand this made think I was hopeless and kept me depressed for years). This understanding can make a difference in the fight like the diff. btwn night and day.

In regards to what you said about streaks and filters, I would like to humbly state my opinion here:
Streaks are a great tool if you use them properly. Watching the number go up every day can be a huge boost and a reminder to what you really want and that your growing. Another thing which they can be a helpful for is that you can celebrate when you reach x amount of days. If the streak is something that you're obsessing over, than you might be right that it's not for you right now. But if the streak isn't the focal point, rather just a boost that's running in the background, it can help a lot.

In regards to filters, I think that for most of us, it's practically impossible to stay clean without one. We higher our chances of staying clean when we have one. I personally am very careful that I don't have apps which I can access content that my filter won't read. Also with probably any real filter you can easily block installing new apps which will have bad content.
FIlters aren't foolproof, and if you find yourself constantly looking for ways around it (yes, it's normal and we've all been there), maybe do what HHM suggested me and many others: Get Webchaver. This step pretty much put a stop to my looking at bad content instantaneously.

Either way, Keep On Trucking.! We're happy for you to join the forums live, and hope that you stick around. Every one of us here gives everyone else chizuk, so we're happy that you decided to open up חביבי!

Wow.

So much inner strength.

So much commitment to things that transcend temporal passions.

"Moods come and go, but greatness endures"

I have a lot to learn from you.

Keep on trucking!

Love,
OivedElokim

Geshmak! wrote on 27 Jan 2023 04:48:

Amazing that you’re getting the help you need. 

People are not Trucks. You open the hood, turn a switch, slam dunk, and keep on trucking. It doesn’t work like that - there’s no one size fits all therapist / therapy modality. 

We each need something else. 
Someone once said “You know why 6 million Jews died in the holocaust? There’s 6 million reasons”

Sometimes it means the therapist isn’t the right fit, but many times it’s a matter of taking time. And then for others therapy isn’t enough - they can do with SA meetings etc. 

iwannalivereal I hope you find what you need - in good time. 

KOTYT

Keep On Trucking YOUR Truck

yud909 wrote on 24 Jan 2023 16:54:

I think we all think these thoughts, and the answer is usually yes to most of those questions. Yes, we will still have moments where the YH gets really strong, and yes the fight will be tough but you will be able to fight, and if c"v you fall, yes you will be able to get up again. Think of it like D-day. without troops on the European continent, there was no way to open the front against the Germans. D-day was able to accomplish that from that point onward the allies were able to fight an even battle against the Axis powers. That does not mean that they lost no soldiers, didn't suffer setbacks, weren't attacked by a German offensive. Of course all those things did happen. (Take the battle of the bulge, for example) But D-day put the battle on even footing, it put it in place that victory became possible from there. The initial stage of staying clean, learning methods of control, of minimizing cues, that's our D-day. from there we enter the every day battle of the YH. Yes, the YH will still mount attacks, yes, it will be tough but you still have the power to fight! Hashem has not forsaken us! And yes, if you look at it this way, if you realize that falling from here on does not mean you have no hope, it does not mean you're a loser, it does not mean Hashem gave up on you, all it means is that you fell. So you'll get up, brush your pants off, and KEEP ON TRUCKING!!! 

My dear, holy friend, that's what friends are for. You were the first person to reach out to me, and I remain eternally grateful. It is so inspiring to read about you fighting the YH in real time, your resolve is unreal. Yes, you are right that we must always remain vigilant, the YH never sleeps. BH you are fighting him today from a healthy, normal position. That doesn't mean he's out of ammunition, but you are in a place where you can go through the regular tests of mankind, and fight back exactly the way you did. Sometimes the enemy brings out stronger weapons, those are the harder nisyoinois, and every nisayon is there so that we can grow through overcoming it. It was time for you to take things to the next level, so you got this test. AND YOU PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS!!! Keep on trucking, my friend! And keep us in the loop so we can all continue to be uplifted by you

yud909 wrote on 15 Jan 2023 04:39:

Beautifully said, my friend. I think that is what he meant. If I may add, I don't think I know all of what HHM meant, אין אדם עומד על דעת רבו עד ארבעים שנה, but I think he also meant that when you ease into realizing that this is the life that you choose to live you can come to the point of comfort of knowing that 90 days is a goal that will help a person change some of his inner landscape, relieve some of the pressure of addiction, but in reality each and every day is it's own goal. When we work with the 90 day goal, if we fall we view ourselves as losers, we have nothing to show for our efforts. In reality, each and every minute is its own goal! We have to internalize that these struggles are a part of life, and even if we fall that does not take one iota away of whatever we have accomplished, those days that were clean are still ours. Especially like in you case, when a 70+ days have gone by, you've had ups and downs, and your here! BH! Now, this is life. Remain vigilant, don't become complacent, but know that you are now living life, in a healthy way, the correct way, and keep on trucking, one day at a time! Waiting for the update at 7000 days!

Teshuvahguy wrote on 11 Jan 2023 00:08:

Way to go, my friend! Keep on trucking, and keep inspiring us! You are amazing in all that you have accomplished in your life, I can't imagine many people would be able to put up a fight like you did, to make so many monumental changes. You are an inspiration!

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 10 Jan 2023 20:44:

Reb numbers and letters, your response is beautiful, and your accomplishments are simply amazing! It is so inspiring to read somebody who was there write "But oh is it worth it to not be a slave to taivos! I am finally a free man. I have never felt better in my whole life. NOTHING beats the joy of being in control of your desires, once you experience that joy." Amazing. Keep on trucking and inspiring us all!

Hi yud909, Wow! Keep it up! Amazing to watch you go higher and higher. And so impressed by your taking it to the next level with stopping the videos. As to your question about which is worse, boredom or videos, I would guess each person is different, but the guys here offered some great ideas for boredom busters. Especially the idea of teaching Torah, you wrote in the past that you could have entered the chinuch arena, so hey, go for it. Learning Torah is powerful, and teaching and inspiring others is unreal. When you'll see the difference you made in someone's life it will impact you greatly.(And, btw, I'm your first talmid:)) keep on trucking, my friend, and keep us posted!

Hey, HB! Mazal tov on the 3 digits! Keep it up! I do agree with you that hearing it from people that are in the process of discovering it is a very powerful tool, but it's very tricky not to be triggering. Even the little that I've written brought on some mentions of triggers. But I will keep posting, most of it in the BB forum, but I'll let you know here if I put something there. Keep on trucking!

Absolutely! You can read my recent post at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/388203-Its-all-in-the-name, we are in this together! Keep on trucking!

BHYY wrote on 27 Oct 2022 13:31:

What amazing news! So happy for you! Thanks for sharing! Keep on trucking! 

Bravo!!
Keep On Trucking!

yehuda0524 wrote on 02 Sep 2022 04:01:

Keep on Trucking!! 

You’re doing great. 

May I ask a silly question. What did your therapist want you to find on gye - taphsic? Libido lowering pills? Did he / she elaborate. 

Hey ColinColin,
Sorry to hear about your fall. You are a real inspiration here, and we know that you will pick right back up and keep on trucking!