Welcome to the GYE community. You posted in the right place. You wrote that you just put in a filter but since then you have new struggles of SSA, P&M and music. Did these new struggles just start this week for the first time? Without going into the little details that might be triggering, what have you been struggling with until today other than watching regular movies that brought you to GYE? There are many people on GYE who struggle or have struggled with the same things you are struggling with and you are not alone.

Don't be heartbroken that you didn't break free after 20 days on GYE. Freedom is a process and there is a lot to learn. As chooseurname wrote, I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program and regularly read The Battle of the Generation. Many of us have broken free and with work and education you will eventually be a free man. Read through some threads and make friends. Keep on posting and sharing and keep on trucking.

You went through so much pain and suffering and it hurts but you reached the right place. It is amazing that you shared your story which is similar to so many others on the GYE forum. Many people like you have healed through GYE and you will eventually reach freedom. I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program, and regularly read the book The Battle of the Generation which many people on GYE are reading. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation You can also buy a hard copy on Amazon. Vulnerability and honesty are necessary for healing. Keep on posting and sharing, make friends, and keep on trucking. Rooting for you.

Welcome to the guardyoureyes community and congratulations on your first post. I don't want to disappoint you but getting married seldom resolves the issue of P&M. You don't need a high IQ to overcome the Yetzer Hora. Chazal say, who is the wise person? The one who learns from every person. We are here to support you, cheer you along on your journey and sometimes share some of our experience. Read some threads and make friends. I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program and read the book The Battle of the Generation on a regular basis. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation Many people started out like you and today they are free men. Keep on posting and sharing and keep on trucking. Rooting for you.

hopefulposek wrote on 16 Apr 2024 18:11:

drunkin porn,
good vibes!
its all about the future

redfaced wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:33:

Not really, just that I was really drunk so sort of viewed that I wasn't in my regular state of mind, and it wasn't actually porn. I didn't think of it as a fall at the time, but that was probably because I couldn't walk straight so wasn't thinking straight. 
Oh well it's not about the how big the bumps are but how you keep on trucking after you go over them.

hopefulposek wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:16:

Restarting the count, but not the fight! Keep on trucking.
It's convenient you got eight days in to the new count before resetting the old - helps avoid that "oh I'm back at zero may as well fall again" feeling. 

Keep on trucking! Amazing you are able to hold on despite the stress and fear. 

Were you successful in putting on a filter? That's the number one way to avoid falling when triggered.

Welcome! Ah, what a beautiful name, Pureheart! Great ideas you have there
In Yiddish there's a saying "oifen ganav brent de hittel", which basically means that we think everyone realizes why or what we are doing. Like Shmuel said, having a filter is basic common sense, even for those that don't struggle. There's no need to 'have that conversation' about a filter. You can just say that you were inspired, want to be a good example, etc. If you have a family then you MUST put a good filter, whether you struggle or not. Just keep calm and confident and tell her you feel this is a good thing to do, a zechus for someone, etc.
And, keep on trucking!

It should get easier at some point after you reach 90 days clean but for now it can get harder sometimes. Keep doing what you are doing, tune into your struggles and as time goes on see if there are any adjustments you can make in order to succeed. Keep on posting and sharing. Keep on trucking.

Shmuu wrote on 27 Mar 2024 04:02:

By updating the daily progress chart on the dashboard and by doing the Flight to Freedom program. If you do both of them consistently you will get enough coins to purchase the Urge Surfing and SOBER recordings pretty fast. It seems that you haven't done the Flight to Freedom program. I suggest that you do it. I couldn't have broken free without it. It is also worth regularly reading The Battle of the Generation which will give you the strength to win. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

I didn't write this in my previous post but I regularly read the book, and I was reading my list of cues and appropriate responses twice a week and updating it once a week when I had s***** struggles.

It usually requires a comprehensive strategy that is acquired over time in order to break free and it isn't usually a quick fix. Give it everything you have and you will eventually succeed. Keep on posting and sharing and keep on trucking.

Yeah, sometimes people protest too much and it's really just an opportunity to chazer over. 
Focus on yesterday's win and try to move on.
Keep on trucking!

Bro you're going to hit 90 days on Purim. That's amazing and I'm very jealous. Take a minute on your mountaintop of success to pray for us all down at the bottom.  Keep on trucking!

Understood. It will eventually get easier but for now keep on trucking, one day at a time. It takes time and experience to learn the ropes that are needed in order to build a comprehensive plan to overcome this struggle. Feel free to reach out to people privately or to post whenever you feel there is what to gain. You may want to reach out to the main mentor Hashem Help Me. His email address is michelgelner@gmail.com. You can also reach out to him in private messages. I suggest that you regularly read "The Battle of the Generation" and do the Flight to Freedom program. I couldn't have broken free without them. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation Rooting for you.

Posting on the forum and reaching out to people on GYE regularly helps a lot. Getting a good filter is a great idea as it will curb most of the trouble, but as you wrote, even with a good filter a person needs a lot of self-control. I suggest that you read The Battle of the Generation regularly and that you take the Flight to Freedom course, including all the exercises. I am in my 40's but the 60's isn't too late. I am humbled by your courage to post and be interested in growing in Yiddishkeit together with us. Doing Teshuva and then falling again immediately afterwards is the result of not yet having learned how to overcome your struggles. I was like that for 3 decades but today I am a free man. There is hope with GYE. You can do it. Continue posting and sharing, read some threads and make friends. It is much easier to fight our struggles when we share our experience with others. Hop on board and keep on trucking. Rooting for you.

Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation
You can also purchase it on Amazon.

I hear that it is crushing when we meet people who don't have these struggles, or so it seems. They are truly special people. On the other hand, we have the capacity to guide others in a way that they probably can't. We have a strength that should make us feel uplifted rather than downtrodden. It also isn't proper to measure ourselves against other people. Only He knows how to measure our true worth and we don't have the right to step into His shoes. On a personal level what truly matters is how much we perfected ourselves and not how perfect we are. We are meant to use our personal yardstick and measure progress. We can be humble knowing we are imperfect compared to others and yet uplifted because we know how much we accomplished.

Reading Chaimoigen's recent post on a different thread I realized that regret is an important component in the Teshuva process. We should feel regret that we missed the opportunity to be a Tzaddik m'ikara like the person you met, however, the Tanya in chapter 29 writes that we should have designated times when we focus on our shortcomings but outside of those times we should feel happy. Keep on trucking.