yankeld wrote on 16 Feb 2010 03:56:
I feel like a walking c
ontradicti
on.
I come home from a gishmack night seder and go straight to the internet. Most things are filtered. I know too much about loopholes and where to find stuff.
I feel like I'm living a lie.
My wife has no clue. My friends have no clue. I know people in the community look up to me. If they knew - what would be?
I feel like such scum. I was
on such a high for 4 days now wanting this so badly. Davening so hard. I really d
on't want to block this site because of the other things
on it which are 100% fine, but I d
on't know what to do.
I guess I'm also looking for some tech support. You can e-mail me privately at
yankeldee@gmail.com if you can help me with some blocking issues.
But what the heck. Double standard my fanny! I was mekabel Ol Malchus Shamayim 2x today. No I wasn't. If I was really mekabel Ol Malchus Shamayim - truely accepted it - this would have never happened.
in desperate need of chizuk.....
LIVING A LIE IS GOOD
VERY GOOD!!
AHHH YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN!!
OK BARDS YOU ARE MAKING A JOKE OF ME
NO> I AM NOT!!
THANK HASHEM YOU STILL "FEEL" SOMETHING
IF YOU WERE TOTALLY "GOOD" WITH YOUR "MATZAV"
THAN YOU REALLY GOT A PROBLEM
LISTEN TZADDIK
YOU ARE NOT AL
ONE
MANY PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE HIDING YOUR LIE FROM
ARE HIDING IT FROM YOU TOO
NOW THAT DOES NOT EXCUSE ANYTHING
BUT IT HELPS KNOWING THAT OTHER "NORMAL" PEOPLE FELL INTO THIS TRAP TOOWHY??HOW??WHAT IS THE REAS
ON ??
WHO THE GEH
ONNOM CARES
GET AWAY
RUN
SCREAM FIRE!!
DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO SAVE YOUR LIFE
YOU CAN
I DID!
YES I DID !!
I WAS TRAPPED FOR YEARS
YES DAVENING LEARNING SAYING SHIUREI TORAH GIVING PEOPLE SHALOM BAYIS HELP
ALL OF THE ABOVE
BUT BUT...
TRAPPPED
UNTIL I FOUND THIS PLACE CALLED GUE
WHERE THE CHIZZUK AND THE ABILITY TO WRITE MY FEELINGS TO LIKE MINDED PEOPLE
SO IN A NUTSHELLL
"
KEEP ON TRUCKING"
ONE DAY AT A TIME
AND T
ONITE AFTER NITE SEDER,TELL THE Y"H THAT YOU ARE PREOCCUPIED!!
BARDS!!
