chooseurname wrote on 16 May 2024 19:13:

I'm in the process of writing a longer piece, but here is a sneak preview. Perhaps you and Heeling are mechavein to the Vilna Gaon who writes in his commentary on the Zohar HaKadosh: "For the [higher] neshama is not enclothed in the body at all, but helps him from above". When we strive to improve ourselves, our higher neshama is elevated. It then radiates its new light back down on us to keep helping us on earth (with our guf and lower neshama). Yasher Koach!

Excellent question.

Likely it's just a trick of the yetzer hara to make us feel worthless. But to play devil's advocate. Perhaps there's an element of kedusha that is a yes/no state, and one is either kadosh or not. So before the fall you are kadosh and during/after the fall you lost that. You didn't lose the past six months of being a kadosh, but the status of a kadosh is gone.
The positive version of that is that after deciding to change direction one is kadosh even if yesterday he was falling hard.
No source for this. Just today's enthusiastic opinion.

Regardless.

Keep on Trucking!

Hope this makes sense. The 'גמ in שבת קי"ב and עירובין כ""ד bring a Halacha, that in order to nullify the status of a כלי to make it lose its טומאה, it needs to have a hole the size of a pomegranate to render it טהור. The 'גמ has a שאילה what if there was a smaller hole the size of a כזית that got sealed up, then alongside it another hole the size of a כזית developed, got stuffed up again, then another one developed alongside it, until all of the filled parts equal the size of a רמון. Do we say, that since at no given time was there a hole larger than a זית, it doesn't change the status of the כלי, or maybe since there is an area the size of a רמון that was changed at one point or another, even though it didn't occur at the same time, we still say that, the vessel becomes טהור?

The 'גמ resolves its question with the famous words פנים חדשות באו לכאן. We consider the כלי to be a completely new item. Even though the hole that formed, at no point in time was larger than the size of an olive. A small gain, that got stuffed up again, back to square one. But the 'גמ is telling us that its never back to square one. The small holes even though they were filled can be combined to make a larger one.

The 'גמ concludes with an exclamation that one of the אמוראים exclaimed. לית דין בר אינש someone with that outlook is not a human, rather a מלאך.I've heard it being said in the name of the חתם סופר (although I tried finding it inside, I couldn't) that we see from this 'גמ, that even when one seems to be going in circles and not making any progress, he needs to be aware, that even subliminal change that seems to regress, is not lost. As long as we keep at it, making new holes, coming up with new plans eventually we will reached the level of a פנים חדשות. Hang tight. Keep on trucking. The fact that you're still in the fight despite the regressions, shows how tough a fighter you are.

anu_rayasecha wrote on 16 May 2024 00:43:

I think there's a Dov line, "The best filter is the one you don't test." The mindset is the ikkar. And of course access is so easy, like you wrote so eloquently.
That being said, why would you test yourself in ways you don't have to?? It's like the guy practicing tightrope walking without a safety net and saying it's because a safety net would make him overconfident. Okay, true. But you're still more likely to fall and die without the net. 

Which is a long way of saying minimizing exposure to the greatest extent possible is so helpful to getting clean. While you may not feel that now at a time of inspiration and success, during the low moments that come like the tide you will be grateful you made it harder to access.
(This is besides the call of gedolim that unfiltered internet is assur to have around and the unfortunate-yet-nearly-inevitable possibility that your kids will use your unfiltered internet to fall down the same hole you did.) 

Caveat. There's definitely a certain type of person who is worse off with a filter because they are obsessively driven to try to find a loophole. I think this type of person is pretty rare. Even for that type of person, minimizing to the greatest extent possible will probably mean installing an image blocker such as Wizimage.

Your progress is amazing. Keep on trucking!

Thank you for the warmth and encouragement.
After having a rough few days, I am now bh getting back on track. It's not about records, it's about building on success and taking day by day.
The challenge is those images that pop into my mind when I am not focused or when I blink...
Gotta keep my guard up and keep on trucking.
Here we go!

I as I lay awake last night on YouTube, (Bah Humbugitty Doo)
I saw your post come in; my heart did fill with simcha for you

For although I’m still trapped in Lilith’s firm grip
I read your words, as you truck on your Trip

And hope to me it did give, for my heart oh so weary
That through those days, dark and dreary,

Light and good things can be reborn again
It’s not a question of if, but when

So, my dear friend, if you’re ever feeling like Toad, Alone,
In that tempest sea of life, lurk dark creatures of ice and stone

Loch Ness-like eels who grab you, and frighten
Crabs with sharp pincers abound, they are bitin’

Remember this, The Elder Wand you possess,
Not Thestral hair, for that’s really worthless

It's not the wand that makes the wizard, sorry Ollivander,
Pieces of wood and Phoenix feathers, are merely dander

Your true power lies in being a Jew
Possessing a soul of white fire, the Chosen few

With the Hallows of Torah, Avodah and Prayer,
You can get through it all, layer by layer

Dear Chaimoigen, I wish for you
A life of happiness, to be a good Jew

Help many, as you’ve helped me and others,
With counsel and heart, so that porn no longer bothers

Thank you!!! Keep on Trucking,

With that old magic called love,

-Tom

Dearest friend and inspiration, strength and support, light and powerhouse, our dear friend Reb CO,

Mazal tov on the year, and on all that it represents. On the greatness you've attained, growing so unbelievably. On the wisdom you've shared with us, pushing us to really think. In English we say: KEEP ON TRUCKING!

There are so many things I want to say. Emotions overtake me. There are thoughts I want to share. There's a heart I want to bare. Yet, out in the open, for all to hear...but I still want you to know. And I know that you already do.

Because, as you surely know, ah hartz shpeert ah hartz.

Oy, how you know.

Ah hartz shpeert ah hartz

My friend, dear, dear friend, who's friendship has stood by me so many times, through thick and thin, who's wise advice has impacted so many areas of my life, I have not sufficient words to thank you, to thank the RBSO for orchestrating that our paths have crossed. My heart swells with pride that I count among your friends. May the RBSO give you the clarity and strength to grow through the challenges you currently face, and the peace and presence of mind to continue all your avodas hakodesh.

Friend, we are always here for you

With tears in my eyes,
Eternally grateful,
Eerie

As Bein Hazmanim slowly comes to an end, I'm pretty sure that this has been the most productive one in quite a number of years. Ever since Bein Hazmanim existed in my life, I had always tried using them for various different limudim, yet I would almost never get anywhere near the goals I had set for myself. The obsession I had with porn would take over in a way that I had no time to focus on much else. During the years that the devices around me were filtered well, I'd spend hours trying to get past them, and during the years the devices were unfiltered... well you know what I'd spend my time with.

This year has been a year of change and of growth for me. I have learned how to have a fiery motivation to succeed in this struggle, and I have learned various tools to overcome the intense desire for that oh so sweet pleasure of pornography.

For the first time in my life I actually enjoyed bein hazmanim. Bein hazmanim always had this bittersweet taste in my mouth because I knew of what would probably end up happening. This year I came into Bein hazmanim with the confidence that it would be different. I don't have to fall, and I don't have to watch pornography.

One of the things that definitely helped my enjoy bein hazmanim this year more than others was the ability to shmooz with GYE friends. I spent hours on the phone shmoozing away with some of my favorite people, and I also had the chance to meet a few guys in person. Thanks friends let's keep on trucking together!

chooseurname wrote on 08 May 2024 17:47:

I second this post. None of us are trying to write fantasies, fairy tales or intriguing content. We have struggles and we are trying to resolve them by posting and getting advice and encouragement. If you have specific struggles of your own and you are looking for solutions or you have anything else to gain by writing a little bit about your struggles feel free to introduce yourself.  Many people on GYE have or have had struggles similar to yours and there is no reason to be afraid to post. If you are unsure of this statement you can read through some threads and you will see that you are not alone. There is no need to do a survey of everyone else's struggles and compile a new thread. Wishing you success on your journey.

טהרינו wrote on 08 May 2024 17:39:

I thought this was put to rest in the undressing thread.
It's okay and necessary to share what is needed for recovery. The tone of your post sounded like you wanted everyone to sit around and tell stories about what turns them on. This smacks of sharing for pleasure and lust, not for recovery. Like I wrote above, there's alot of content on here on how to deal with urges. For example, there's dozens of recent post about how hard it is on the summer streets and suggestions on how to handle it. The F2F program is filled with that.
But your post kinda sounded like it was just asking for some titillating stories of getting turned on. Which is inappropriate. I'm sure that's not what you meant. But posts don't always come across clearly in a written forum.
Anyway, don't get turned off of the forum
Keep on trucking! 

Hi, my friend. It sounds like you have a pretty clear picture of where you stand. And kudos big time for all the effort to protect your eyes in the gym! Exercise is a great thing, and it relieves stress. But the way you describe your gym, it sounds like you need to find someplace else to work out. In such a situation, it's almost a מה יעשה הבן ולא יחטא. 
Another thought, how about making the goal to pull a few hours longer for the next few weeks. And then after that a few hours longer. In otgher words, build up your strength and tolerance step by step, until you can pull for long periods
Keep on trucking, and keep us posted!

wow! wrote on 02 May 2024 13:33:

wow! thank you for your open minded and encouraging post!

guardyouriz wrote on 01 May 2024 20:09:

Wow way to stir the pot and get a good conversation going with a first post. Shkoyach!

In my experience, I had no consistent success in being clean without GYE, and have been having much more consistent success with GYE. Am I clean now? Yes, today. Does clean include shmiras einayim in the street and fantasizing? Yes. Is shmiras einayim (as opposed to the more limited categories of porn and masturbation) a lifetime work that there is always something to improve on? I think so, see famous story of R' Elya Lopian.

Will I be clean forever? Don't know and that's a counterproductive question.

Does anyone care here if you use specific GYE programs and tools? No, whatever works for you. That being said, the tools suggested here are battle tested. The "traditional tools" of torah tefillah and mussar are not things people here will look down on ch"v. However, I think most people here have spent incredible amounts of time and energy on just those things without seeing success. GYE provides additional tools that work in conjunction with any other tool, including copious amounts of torah tefillah and mussar. (One caveat. Mussar specifically is sometimes learnt in a counterproductive way, so if you've been beating yourself up with some visions of Hell from whichever mussar sefer, you will not find that style of mussar recommended here.)

Read around. You'll see stories of people who pulled off mamash what R' Elazar ben Durdaya did. It's possible but takes endless work.

If I may push back. A lot of negativity and criticism of GYE comes from people who are scared it may work. Deep down they don't want to give up that sweet porn they love so much. (I know I had that reaction when I began). So question away - this is not a cult and all sorts of questions, attitudes, and beliefs are welcome. But check yourself where the doubts are coming from.

Vehkam wrote on 02 May 2024 02:13:

yes,GYE BH is a heaven sent yeshua!

guardyouriz wrote on 01 May 2024 20:09:

There is no specific end goal.  The goal is to keep increasing kedusha.  Bh gye has been a big part of my journey, and I am very far removed from the life. I once was totally absorbed in.