Hey, Joe (isn't there a song that goes like that?)...
Welcome to the club. Everyone here is very, very special, including yourself. Everyone here has struggled deeply with difficult things and, you know what? Everyone here, including yourself, is much better for it, has become a better person for it and has contributed beautifully to the world for it. This, again, includes yourself.
It is important to realize that we cannot choose the circumstances of our lives as they are now. These circumstances are already here. What we can do is modify our approach. Through this, we can live. I read a qoute, not sure from where, which states, A man is where his thoughts are. However we got here, here we are. Rather than bemoan our circumstance, let's find a way to approach it in a better way. The very fact that we find our past actions abhorrent is a proof that we are on the right track. Would a complete rasha find his actions abhorrent? Simply accepting our past actions as missing the mark is proof that we love the mark. And it is precisely from here that we have an opportunity before us to transcend our past.
We can come back. We can find our way home. And part of this way home is a transforming of our past errors to merits. This is a gift from G-d to all who return to him wholeheartedly. This is a very good position to be in.
What I am saying is that we shouldn't be jealous of the next guy, whose secrets we don't know. And, even should this other persons struggles be of a different nature, hence our wishes to somehow be able to trade with them, the above statements regarding our unique position should be enough to warrant one keeping his own bag of tzuros. We truly are unique individuals and have a unique contribution to make in this world that none other but ourselves can make.
There are plenty of tools on this site. And plenty of advice. There are also 12 step groups that can help. I found the handbook on "attitude" very helpful. It's important to keep your head up... and keep on trucking.
Hey! I and everyone here wish you the best on this journey. We are all very glad you made it here. That alone is a great step. Hatzlocha rabbah!!
Oh. I remember now. The song went, Hey, Joe... what are you doing with that gum in your hand? Yeah. That Joe must have been a big fan of Wrigley's chewing gum. Or maybe Big Red. Wait a minute. Those aren't kosher, are they? Okay. Maybe he was a big fan of Bazooka from Israel. Hmmm. Bazooka? Wait a minute. It isn't "gum", it's "gun". Sheesh. So, the line guys goes, Hey, Joe... what are you doing with that gun in your hand? And, of course, he is referring to the 60 gibborim that surround Shlomo haMelech's bed: Behold! The couch of Shlomo! Sixty mighty ones round about it, of the mighty ones of Israel. All gripping the sword, learned in warfare, each with his sword on his thigh, from fear in the nights. Shir haShirim 3:7-8.