For me the first 2-3 weeks were sheer hell, like what I imagine withdrawal from drugs is like. I wandered around in a daze, not able to concentrate on anything, forcing myself to look away from my triggers, which are EVERYWHERE, and I was so used to staring at them that it was a physical effort to turn away. It's like there are strings attached to my eyes. (It's still a constant struggle, it's slowly getting easier but I still have a long way to go.) I would be shaking and whimpering with the desire for "just one more little peek, just a little bit of fantasy to soothe me".

I told myself that if I give in I will feel rotten about it afterwards and that is BAD pain, but if I stay strong and it hurts that is GOOD pain. Every time I successfully looked away I felt like I was Makriv a Korban to Hashem, like I was burning a little piece of me.

Eventually I got over that initial intensity (I miss it sometimes, in a way it made me feel so ALIVE). I even made the mistake of feeling that I could let my guard down a little and not be so careful with my eyes, but I quickly realized where that would get me.

So hang in there. There will be ups and downs, but don't let the downs get you down. Think of it like the stock market, it goes up and down, but the long term average trend is UP.

Keep On Trucking^TM, no matter how bumpy the road gets.

Gevura!

You have the power of yosef hatsadik (the real one). Why do you even thing that its a "tiny step". I think its real מסירת נפש

keep on trucking...... brother

i like Eye's idea

and it is not Hashem giving you a chance to be polite about it, rather that idea is a product of the International Lust Think Tank, which produces excuses and justifications using cheap labor in Third World countries in unsafe working conditions.

you will regret talking to her and it will make you unhappy if you start up a texting convo with her.

another idea, which is not as truthful but might be easier to implement is if she texts maybe ignore the first text. if she texts again, wait a day and then reply that your phone is acting erratic and not all texts go through. then keep pushing it off till she loses interest

you want to be a good clean person and not go down the slippery slope
keep on trucking

I am not the one to advise you about your marriage issues, but you definitely need a good internet filter.

try to find some clean interests or hobbies to distract yourself. Reading and posting on GYE is not a bad way to while away the time...

Hang in there and Keep On Trucking^TM

Gevura!

טייערער ברודער 
WELCOME HOME

there is not much I could add or say. But what i could say is. "Your story moved me, you inspired me by the courage and determination you have". In my opinion you are ALREADY a hero as to how focused and determined you are.
Just one thing, take a minute close your eyes and thank hashem for the wonderful and supportive wife he gave you.

keep on posting...... your posts are really inspiring

keep on trucking (you have been lurking around for months, you should know what this means )
your brother

Great. You are giving us Chizzuk. Keep it up brother.

Keep on trucking. One day at a time.

You are to do whatever you can when you are in control during the day and Hoshem will take care of you during times when you have less control or no cotrol at all. The YH does not want to lose you, so, he will try to get you during day and night, just fight back when you can.

Tefillah, can help and helps me. Whenever, i gop into bed, i beg Hoshem, that i can't control this during sleep and he should help me make this through, beccause he can stop this, i even tell Hoshem if my sleepng means a bad dream, i would rather prefer to stay up the night, so, please either keep me clean or avoid my sleep.

I'm B"H doing well during the day and night.

This is part of the nisoyen and will get better. Keep on trucking.

The YH has a very hard time with you now, he is not someone who will giev up so quickly, so, he decided he will try to get you while asleep. This is siogn of how depressed he's now. Don't give in to him. Just, keep on trucking.

shteighecher wrote on 14 Jul 2011 19:43:

With the help of Hashem I hope to do just so!

It will eventually become easier. Look at history from others, it becomes very easy later on. Keep on trucking, you are at the right place and just focus on one day at a time.

Great.
Keep on trucking. One day at a time and one desire at a time.

i am sometimes also triggered by certain lurid details of stories on GYE. this concern has been addressed a few times on the forum and it is a valid concern. there is a link under every post to report to moderator if something is violating the guidelines of the forum. Guard has indicated that eventually there will be two sections of GYE, one for those who need 'prevention' and one for those who need 'recovery'.

that being said, ultimately you are your own policeman, and if you are being triggered then your best bet is to move on. (you can check out the cholint thread, lemonade thread, joke thread or the illustrated guide to sailing against the wind in an inner tube thread)

another point is that anything you see on GYE is available unfortunately in exponentially worse proportions on the rest of the internet.

as always, keep on trucking, with a smile

We all got broke sometimes, with similiar feelings. You are at the right place. Just look back, what you tried already and it failed and take the next step. As long you don't give up, you will find the way home. Keep on trucking.

the ikkur is to keep on posting and to be besimcha and to keep on trucking!

@HelpFyi




If I may add some words of my own:

Helpfyi wrote on 07 Jul 2011 18:28:


Who told you this? You may held responsible for the actions of your b'nei bayis if you didn't give them proper guidance where they needed it. But you are absolutely not in charge. Is she "in charge" of your shmiras eyneyim p*** and mas******ion? Absolutely not. Nor are you "in charge" of her tznius.

Besides, the truth is that most of the time they are 80-90% tznius and we are 100-150% sick.

As BB once wrote: She can be dressed from head to toe in black and wear a dress shaped like a barrel -it doesn't matter.

We will find a way to undress her with our eyes if we don't address our problem, which is not the way this one or that one dresses. Even if our wife is the one in question.

Besides, if we approach our wife and say, "Hey, that's not so tzniusdik" even in the nicest way, and on in the inside our mind is saying "WOWEEE does this turn me/people like me on!", don't you think that her heart knows the truth that it is not the Shulchan Aruch inspiring these words, rather it is our guilty conscience (and sometimes our desire to cover up for our illicit behavior) trying to use her as the one woman whom we think that we ought to be able to control to make up for our misdeeds?

I believe (and this has been my own experience) that when a husband's request/suggestion to strengthen any area of religious observance is truly sincere -the wife knows it, and willingly assists him in any way that she can. On the other hand, when the husband is being self righteous and/or he really isn't holding at the level that he professes -she will just blow him right off with all sorts of taanos such as the ones that you posted ("yeh but look at her her her and her who are all frum and they DO wear this type of thing??").

It's just part of Hashem's way of protecting us and the world from ourselves.

"She might be a problem, but she's not your problem"

You are.