Reb Yid wrote on 22 Sep 2011 02:52:
struggler wrote on 22 Sep 2011 00:53:
Honestly, for most people calling female co-workers “Miss/Mrs. Last Name” is impractical. The norm is to call the co-workers by their first names.
With all due respect to you my fellow "struggler", the things that we do which brought us all to this site in the first place is not exactly "the norm" either!!!
And besides, isn't the norm to shake hands with female clients?
Isn't it the norm to go out to dinner with prospective clients?
Isn't it the norm to flirt in a friendly way with female co-workers?
But all of those things have the same comm
on denominator - They may be the norm, but they are not what Hashem wants you to do. So we go against the norm. which is what Judaism is all about. (Avram was Be'ever echad vechol ha'olam be'ever sheni....)
And all of that applies to every single "normal" kosher Yid. How much more out of the norm should a struggling addicted lust infested Yid try to
keep himself?
I'm sorry. I got myself
onto this site by following the norm.
And I aint getting off it until I stop following and start leading.
Hatzlocha,
Reb Yid
I was doing not so well this week, so I was trying to limit my time
on the computer. When I posted my comment, I just quickly read Gersher’s questi
on & did not realized that he is working in frum envir
onment, which is of course is a little bit different. Also I should have explained what I wanted to say in more detail. I thought he moved to n
on-frum envir
onment, where calling co-workers by Ms. / Mrs Last Name would be c
onsidered weird & in my humble opini
on I would not recommend as a first resp
onse thing. But of course if it ‘s a trigger for some
one to call some
one by first name & then of course he should call his female co-worker Ms. / Mrs. Last name.
Obviously, there are different approaches within Orthodoxy about how to approach outside world, which we should probably not debate
on this forum, but in my humble opini
on doing things that are not cultural norm just in order to stick out more than halachackly required (kippa, missing t
ons of days for holidays, hand shaking is a little bit more complicated) is unnecessary & leads to hillel Hashem. So for example, just because some
one needs to daven mincha does not mean that he should daven in the middle of the room filled with n
on Jewish / n
on –frum people.
As far your questi
ons, as far as I know & in my limited experience, dinner w/prospective client which involves
one female &
one male even n
on-frum envir
onment would not be c
onsidered inappropriate/weird.
Only creepers flirt with female co-workers. As far as I know most people working in secular / n
on-frum envir
onment want to have friendly, but professi
onal envir
onment between members of opposite gender. As I menti
oned before, this could lead to problems if there is an attracti
on. Of course, having good middos is important, but in case where is attracti
on involved I would str
ongly recommend
keeping distance. As Rambam said the derech Torah is in the middle & to avoid extremes, but in cases
one gets off balance
one need to go to opposite extreme to get
one self in balance.
I had some limited P & M issues for a while, but unfortunately I had some bad experience with n
on-Jewish female co-worker which made it in to full addicti
on. In order to make a l
ong story short, right away I was attracted to her and at first I was
keeping my distance & I was doing okay. After while I let my guard down, I got to know her better and develop str
ong feelings, which of course I could not do anything about, which caused me a lot of emoti
onal pain.
Have a good Shabbos &
keep on Trucking!
