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17 Jan 2024 18:31
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eerie
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You know, dear HeChochma, as I read your cute post,
It's clear there's a win of which you can boast,
Just keep on trucking, a smart man once said,
And next time you're itchy as you lay in bed,
Don't just lay there all lost, with thoughts all tzifloigen,
Just get up and call the Rosh, Chaim Oigen!!!
And if he's learning with Benny, ah, how they enjoy,
Well, then, get your bulletproof vest and call The Cordnoy!!!
This great post of yours put some ideas in my head,
Cause the boys say there really should be a thread,
Where guys can all write their fictional story,
And let's see who can some up with the one the most gory,
I just thought that it's great, your poem and it's timing,
Start a thread where we can also try our hand at rhyming,
And as you go up, and your zechuyois are piling,
The main thing my friend, is MAKE SURE YOU KEEP SMILING!!!
B'ahava
Gimpel
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22 Jan 2024 18:49
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eerie
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iwannalivereal wrote on 22 Jan 2024 14:29:
Just as an update - As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently discovered a loophole in an app I have on my flip phone which enabled me have access to google search, and from there I can access any website. That's right! Totally unfiltered internet right at my fingertips, on my phone which I carry around with me all day (except for when I'm in the yoshon ofc...)
I've been slipping and sliding around with it quite a bit. To actually access the browser takes a few steps. You have to click here, then there then a few more clicks here and there. I find myself taking the first step... then exiting. An hour or so later I'll open the app again and try again. This time I'll get even closer. Then I close it. Open. Close. Open. Close. I'm actually watching myself in fascination at how back and forth I can go. It almost seems silly, yet here I am - the clown himself.
The simple solution here is to delete the app. However, due to some very interesting technical issues with my phone, I am unable to uninstall apps at the moment. The nisayon itself delivered straight to me on a silver platter! I have reached out to a number of flip phone techies and I hope to have a solution within the next day or so.
In the meanwhile... I've been doing a lot of soul searching trying to figure out exactly what's driving me towards the acting out. KInda been unsuccessful in that. It's interesting to me how I'm not feeling strong urges or desirous tayva for watching pornography, yet I find myself almost sucked in and just going through the motions to access the browser.
Trying hard to use this tekufa as a zman of shteiging and growing. Knowing that there is a solution to be able to uninstall this app, and just waiting for the guy to email me back with the correct instructions means that I know that there is an end to this particular struggle in the very near future. I keep thinking about the gemara about palti that when the time came to return michal to david, palti was crying over the nisayon that had just ended and the opportunity of growth that was no longer available to him. Trying my hardest to really look at this struggle as an opportunity for growth... although I doubt I'll be crying when it ends.
Going to end off with a "public" kabala - that instead of using the app for when it's needed and then risking the slipping and sliding, I'm just not going to access the app at all. I'll keep you guys posted.
Thanks to all the guys who keep checking up on me over the past few days. It means so much to me to see how you guys really care!
My friend, you are AMAZING! Totally unreal!
I vehemently disagree with your characterizati on of yourself. You have d one amazing things, but do you think for one minute that the YH forgot about you? That you're job on this world in these inyanim is d one? It's not. And you were presented with a nisay on. You are BH not suffering from terrible urges, but you do have habits. Habits that were seared into your mind throughout the years. Can that be what's driving you? And now you have the opportunity to change those habits, to uproot them. And you are doing so! Every time you want to click there and you d on't you are teaching yourself a new way of acting. And you are growing. You are changing. You are announcing to yourself "I D ON'T WANT THIS!!!".
If you feel the urges growing, please, my dear friend, find some one to hold onto your ph one until you can fix the app
My friend, I'm impressed that you came here and shared what's going on. Keep on trucking, keep on sharing, and keep getting realer!!! (If Dr. Seuss can make up words, so can I:))
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28 Jan 2024 19:15
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yitzchokm
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According to the criteria in the 90-day chart intentionally viewing improper sites is considered a fall whereas a wet dream isn't. Also, according to the criteria "if someone saw something by mistake and then got a little bit carried away and kept looking at it, or even if someone saw a link and couldn't resist clicking on it but then catches themselves within a few seconds, that would only be considered a "slip", not a "fall". However, if someone decides to actively pursue viewing, that would be considered a fall." It all depends on what you were doing on YouTube and what your criteria are for improper sites. Also you posted in the past about blocking YouTube altogether because you don't need it. What happened with that hirhur teshuva? Keep on trucking and keep on posting.
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14 Feb 2024 04:08
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remaininganonymous26
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Sorry I have not posted in a while. Its been a rough little bit. Going through a really stressful time now and I went on a few websites I probably should not have gone on. BH I picked myself up and I am trying to ride the waves until I get out of this stressful situation (it may be a few more weeks). I don't know if what I saw counts as a fall or not- I really don't care. I am here for the fight and for the growth, so I am gonna keep on trucking ahead! But in all honesty, any chizzuk would be helpful at this point. I feel a tug on an almost daily basis to "watch away" the stress, and it's really hard. Overall, I have been successful but any kind words would help. I also have to post more often. Hope to report good news soon!
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15 Feb 2024 06:51
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yitzchokm
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It's very painful to hear all the trauma you went through and everything that needs to be processed. Be gentle with yourself and have loads of self-compassion and kindness towards yourself. You are a very good person and the challenges you face aren't your fault for having them. They were put there by Hashem for you to grow and become a great person. Leave behind the feelings of worthlessness. They are stemming from abuse.
You joined GYE and you are starting a new chapter in your life. The day will come when you will have overcome your challenges and you will be inspiring others. Focus on hope, strength and courage. You deserve it. It hurts that you had to deal with this struggle all on your own for years without the proper support system. Absorb everything GYE has to offer and make friends. We are here for you and we care about you. Keep on growing. Share your struggles, accomplishments and successes so we can help you and cheer you along. Thank you for sharing your story. Keep on trucking.
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26 Feb 2024 20:38
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yitzchokm
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I hear that it is crushing when we meet people who don't have these struggles, or so it seems. They are truly special people. On the other hand, we have the capacity to guide others in a way that they probably can't. We have a strength that should make us feel uplifted rather than downtrodden. It also isn't proper to measure ourselves against other people. Only He knows how to measure our true worth and we don't have the right to step into His shoes. On a personal level what truly matters is how much we perfected ourselves and not how perfect we are. We are meant to use our personal yardstick and measure progress. We can be humble knowing we are imperfect compared to others and yet uplifted because we know how much we accomplished.
Reading Chaimoigen's recent post on a different thread I realized that regret is an important component in the Teshuva process. We should feel regret that we missed the opportunity to be a Tzaddik m'ikara like the person you met, however, the Tanya in chapter 29 writes that we should have designated times when we focus on our shortcomings but outside of those times we should feel happy. Keep on trucking.
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11 Mar 2024 18:20
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yitzchokm
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Posting on the forum and reaching out to people on GYE regularly helps a lot. Getting a good filter is a great idea as it will curb most of the trouble, but as you wrote, even with a good filter a pers on needs a lot of self-c ontrol. I suggest that you read The Battle of the Generati on regularly and that you take the Flight to Freedom course, including all the exercises. I am in my 40's but the 60's isn't too late. I am humbled by your courage to post and be interested in growing in Yiddishkeit together with us. Doing Teshuva and then falling again immediately afterwards is the result of not yet having learned how to overcome your struggles. I was like that for 3 decades but today I am a free man. There is hope with GYE. You can do it. C ontinue posting and sharing, read some threads and make friends. It is much easier to fight our struggles when we share our experience with others. Hop on board and keep on trucking. Rooting for you.
Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation
You can also purchase it on Amaz on.
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12 Mar 2024 07:15
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yitzchokm
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Understood. It will eventually get easier but for now keep on trucking, one day at a time. It takes time and experience to learn the ropes that are needed in order to build a comprehensive plan to overcome this struggle. Feel free to reach out to people privately or to post whenever you feel there is what to gain. You may want to reach out to the main mentor Hashem Help Me. His email address is michelgelner@gmail.com. You can also reach out to him in private messages. I suggest that you regularly read "The Battle of the Generati on" and do the Flight to Freedom program. I couldn't have broken free without them. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation Rooting for you.
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20 Mar 2024 15:52
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chooseurname
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Bro you're going to hit 90 days on Purim. That's amazing and I'm very jealous. Take a minute on your mountaintop of success to pray for us all down at the bottom. Keep on trucking!
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25 Mar 2024 18:24
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chooseurname
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Yeah, sometimes people protest too much and it's really just an opportunity to chazer over.
Focus on yesterday's win and try to move on.
Keep on trucking!
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27 Mar 2024 04:22
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yitzchokm
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Shmuu wrote on 27 Mar 2024 04:02:
How do I get gold coins?
By updating the daily progress chart on the dashboard and by doing the Flight to Freedom program. If you do both of them c onsistently you will get enough coins to purchase the Urge Surfing and SOBER recordings pretty fast. It seems that you haven't d one the Flight to Freedom program. I suggest that you do it. I couldn't have broken free without it. It is also worth regularly reading The Battle of the Generati on which will give you the strength to win. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation
I didn't write this in my previous post but I regularly read the book, and I was reading my list of cues and appropriate resp onses twice a week and updating it once a week when I had s***** struggles.
It usually requires a comprehensive strategy that is acquired over time in order to break free and it isn't usually a quick fix. Give it everything you have and you will eventually succeed. Keep on posting and sharing and keep on trucking.
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31 Mar 2024 18:53
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yitzchokm
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It should get easier at some point after you reach 90 days clean but for now it can get harder sometimes. Keep doing what you are doing, tune into your struggles and as time goes on see if there are any adjustments you can make in order to succeed. Keep on posting and sharing. Keep on trucking.
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08 Apr 2024 17:14
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eerie
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Welcome! Ah, what a beautiful name, Pureheart! Great ideas you have there
In Yiddish there's a saying "oifen ganav brent de hittel", which basically means that we think everyone realizes why or what we are doing. Like Shmuel said, having a filter is basic common sense, even for those that don't struggle. There's no need to 'have that conversation' about a filter. You can just say that you were inspired, want to be a good example, etc. If you have a family then you MUST put a good filter, whether you struggle or not. Just keep calm and confident and tell her you feel this is a good thing to do, a zechus for someone, etc.
And, keep on trucking!
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15 Apr 2024 13:33
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chooseurname
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Keep on trucking! Amazing you are able to hold on despite the stress and fear.
Were you successful in putting on a filter? That's the number one way to avoid falling when triggered.
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15 Apr 2024 20:59
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chooseurname
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hopefulposek wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:16:
Just found out that my intentionally watching a inappropriate movie constitutes a fall, so starting the count over.
Restarting the count, but not the fight! Keep on trucking.
It's c onvenient you got eight days in to the new count before resetting the old - helps avoid that "oh I'm back at zero may as well fall again" feeling.
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16 Apr 2024 18:11
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hopefulposek
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redfaced wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:33:
hopefulposek wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:16:
Just found out that my intentionally watching a inappropriate movie constitutes a fall, so starting the count over.
Would you have any reas on not to c onsider it a fall?
Not really, just that I was really drunk so sort of viewed that I wasn't in my regular state of mind, and it wasn't actually porn. I didn't think of it as a fall at the time, but that was probably because I couldn't walk straight so wasn't thinking straight.
Oh well it's not about the how big the bumps are but how you keep on trucking after you go over them.
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16 Apr 2024 18:45
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cande
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hopefulposek wrote on 16 Apr 2024 18:11:
redfaced wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:33:
hopefulposek wrote on 15 Apr 2024 20:16:
Just found out that my intentionally watching a inappropriate movie constitutes a fall, so starting the count over.
Would you have any reas on not to c onsider it a fall?
Not really, just that I was really drunk so sort of viewed that I wasn't in my regular state of mind, and it wasn't actually porn. I didn't think of it as a fall at the time, but that was probably because I couldn't walk straight so wasn't thinking straight.
Oh well it's not about the how big the bumps are but how you keep on trucking after you go over them.
drunkin porn,
good vibes!
its all about the future
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16 Apr 2024 22:49
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yitzchokm
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Welcome to the guardyoureyes community and c ongratulati ons on your first post. I d on't want to disappoint you but getting married seldom resolves the issue of P&M. You d on't need a high IQ to overcome the Yetzer Hora. Chazal say, who is the wise pers on? The one who learns from every pers on. We are here to support you, cheer you al ong on your journey and sometimes share some of our experience. Read some threads and make friends. I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program and read the book The Battle of the Generati on on a regular basis. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation Many people started out like you and today they are free men. Keep on posting and sharing and keep on trucking. Rooting for you.
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21 Apr 2024 22:25
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yitzchokm
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You went through so much pain and suffering and it hurts but you reached the right place. It is amazing that you shared your story which is similar to so many others on the GYE forum. Many people like you have healed through GYE and you will eventually reach freedom. I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program, and regularly read the book The Battle of the Generati on which many people on GYE are reading. Here is the link to the ebook: https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation You can also buy a hard copy on Amaz on. Vulnerability and h onesty are necessary for healing. Keep on posting and sharing, make friends, and keep on trucking. Rooting for you.
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01 May 2024 04:32
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yitzchokm
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Welcome to the GYE community. You posted in the right place. You wrote that you just put in a filter but since then you have new struggles of SSA, P&M and music. Did these new struggles just start this week for the first time? Without going into the little details that might be triggering, what have you been struggling with until today other than watching regular movies that brought you to GYE? There are many people on GYE who struggle or have struggled with the same things you are struggling with and you are not alone.
Don't be heartbroken that you didn't break free after 20 days on GYE. Freedom is a process and there is a lot to learn. As chooseurname wrote, I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program and regularly read The Battle of the Generation. Many of us have broken free and with work and education you will eventually be a free man. Read through some threads and make friends. Keep on posting and sharing and keep on trucking.
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