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09 May 2017 07:44
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GrowStrong
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Welcome Brother,
You are not al one, there is a group of guys here going through very similar issues for many different reas ons.
You can breathe easy, you will find most of the answers you need, right here on the site.
Find some free moments to read through the GYE handbook if you have not yet already d one so. Take some extra time to go through the 30 Principles of GYE
Of the many tools you will find here on this site, bringing the problem out into the open, out of isolati on and sharing it with others in a similar boat is a great first step.
Read up on the various ways that many here have managed to stay clean for amazingly l ong periods of time by participating with us in the forum.
If you are dedicated to stopping, know that it is possible.
Most importantly.
Keep on Trucking.
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14 May 2017 20:09
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Mesayin
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Alright, enough with all that. Now let's get to some real stuff about recovery.
As I may have mentioned before, my current issue is that my truck is turned off. I wouldn't call myself falling if I had never gotten up and I can't say to myself "Keep on trucking" if my truck ignition is off.
Slowly I have been waking up, especially today being inspired by Rebbe shimon bar yochai and all the stories that I heard from Rabbi Elimelech Biderman Shlit"a about people getting helped by him, K'shem sh"hakadosh burich lakol, kach Reb shimon lakol (Just like Hashem is for everyone, so too Reb shimon is for everyone). Reb shimon has the power to take everyone out of there issues Chutz m'derech hatevah.
Anyway, if anyone has some words to turn me on, whether it is a good piece of scary mussar or a good piece of comfy chizzuk, it will go a long way.
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15 May 2017 00:42
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Markz
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Determination wrote on 14 May 2017 22:25:
I have been struggling with this over 15 years with UPS and downs, the key is to start anew every time and go to the mikva, to know that Hashem is proud if every single effort we make
all the best
That's the key to one's fence, and the key works, but I d on't know if the fence / Taphsics does (for you)
The key to your heart is a different story and Gye will help you find it if that's what you seek
KOT
Keep On Trucking, that's Key ;-)
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15 May 2017 12:11
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Trouble
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Mesayin wrote on 14 May 2017 20:09:
Alright, enough with all that. Now let's get to some real stuff about recovery.
As I may have mentioned before, my current issue is that my truck is turned off. I wouldn't call myself falling if I had never gotten up and I can't say to myself "Keep on trucking" if my truck ignition is off.
Slowly I have been waking up, especially today being inspired by Rebbe shimon bar yochai and all the stories that I heard from Rabbi Elimelech Biderman Shlit"a about people getting helped by him, K'shem sh"hakadosh burich lakol, kach Reb shimon lakol (Just like Hashem is for everyone, so too Reb shimon is for everyone). Reb shimon has the power to take everyone out of there issues Chutz m'derech hatevah.
Anyway, if anyone has some words to turn me on, whether it is a good piece of scary mussar or a good piece of comfy chizzuk, it will go a long way.
Words turn me on.
Other stuff as well.
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16 May 2017 17:05
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GrowStrong
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Welcome Sam,
You are not al one, there is a group of guys here going through very similar issues for many different reas ons.
You can breathe easy, you will find most of the answers you need, right here on the site.
Find some free moments to read through the GYE handbook if you have not yet already d one so. Take some extra time to go through the 30 Principles of GYE
Of the many tools you will find here on this site, bringing the problem out into the open, out of isolati on and sharing it with others in a similar boat is a great first step.
Read up on the various ways that many here have managed to stay clean for amazingly l ong periods of time by participating with us in the forum.
If you are dedicated to stopping, know that it is possible.
Most importantly.
Keep on Trucking.
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16 May 2017 19:52
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mikestruggling
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welcome i'm exactly where you are maybe even worse (except around here there's no worse because we're all getting better and stronger every day)
i've been here for about three months and what can i say my attitude toward this changed i'm definitely doing better
and the best thing about this sight is that there's something for everyone
so hop along and as they say here KEEP ON TRUCKING
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30 May 2017 20:15
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TzedekChaim
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Sing, sorry to hear your going through such a challenging time. You are a big role model for and you give me so much inspirati on. It's the people like you in this community that make it comfortable to be h onest with ourselves and keep coming back here and posting about our own challenges.
Thank you so much, and may Hashem Bless you a thousand fold!
Remember: its hard to beat a guy who never gives up 
Keep on trucking!!! 
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05 Jun 2017 22:37
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Markz
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39 DAYS!!
Great going!
Keep on Trucking
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06 Jun 2017 21:40
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besrashashem@gmail.com
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Shivisi, stay dtrong forever!!
i'm onGYE for a month and you're one of my strongest supporters. I read your daily post with my mouth.. i'm waiting for it the whole day. Listen if you have the power, please start posting more messages a day as you're a strong supporter to others. I really admire your great work!!!
KEEP ON TRUCKING!!
you're doing great......
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06 Jun 2017 21:57
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Shivisi_Hashem
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besrashashem@gmail.com wrote on 06 Jun 2017 21:40:
Shivisi, stay dtrong forever!!
i'm onGYE for a month and you're one of my strongest supporters. I read your daily post with my mouth.. i'm waiting for it the whole day. Listen if you have the power, please start posting more messages a day as you're a strong supporter to others. I really admire your great work!!!
KEEP ON TRUCKING!!
you're doing great......
Why do I feel that my eyes are wet?!?!, I'm really thankful to you... it keeps me going that I see how many people are being inspired true my posts, I will IY"H stay clean just for you people, I promise, ill try..
thank you thank you thank you
stay str ong! stay clean! yes, you can, and I can too, that's why I'm here on this world...
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07 Jun 2017 15:02
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Workingguy
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Markz wrote on 07 Jun 2017 13:31:
I fell and hit the restart count button. Do I feel I lost my sobriety? No because I never had it I don't believe 'sobriety' applies to myself a non addict. My Clean streak log Began Wall of Honor journey: Aug 13, 2015 28 Av, 5775 Humpty Dumptied: 3am today Began new journey: Jun 7, 2017 13 Sivan, 5777 At some point in the middle of the night I decided "it's time to Mast*". Now it ain't gonna work without Porn, and of course I won't go on a non filtered device, so I decided to see what i could find on this filtered iPhone. I discovered a way to access many porn videos outside of any web browser despite all my much appreciated TAG restrictions As mentioned previously, I do not like to share my loopholes with other gye's and drag other Trucks over the cliff, so pls wait till I do my due diligence and call Tag again... although I know TAG is not the solution Can I pinpoint what caused my fall? Not really. And that's a hassle for me :-( What could I have done better? Needs some though... I must mention however that compared to my bad old days, these past 664 days were highly productive thank Gd to you guys and gye as a whole!! The Trucking continues!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Markz,
I love your h onesty. And love this post and am fully supporting you.
Without getting into all sorts of addicti on c onversati ons, and much more looking at it from a Torah perspective for this c onversati on (and I know that's not what we usually do here), you worked hard for almost TWO YEARS of c onstant involvement in order to fix a problem that you had. Most people, (n on addicti on) professi onals included, would say that if you had a bad or destructive habit and you brought it down to 0 for 664 days!!!! And you weren't white knuckling, that's amazing.
So move on, get back on the horse, and keep on trucking, as you said. And of course we want to hope that every time is the last (again, leave ODAAT out of this for a minute) but it might be normal to experience a infrequent slip. But the main thing is to truck on!!
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13 Jun 2017 14:33
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Markz
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Zra wrote:
Maybe I have to go though a mental exercise after defending against thoughts. An exercise of despising those thoughts.
Maybe not
Stick around and you will learn new things
KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!
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18 Jun 2017 12:05
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Markz
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Gr8 to have you with us!
KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!!!!
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25 Jun 2017 23:11
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Shivisi_Hashem
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Markz wrote on 25 Jun 2017 10:27:
Shvisi,
I'm sorry to hear how tough the outside world is
May I ask a question?
Do you have a program for the day besides for praying eating sleeping praying eating whiteknuckle-sleeping praying eating?
Thanks markz,
but its not about programs, and not white knuckling, not at all.
its all about my best friend and my bigest enemy and his name is: BED, When ever i go to bed in the afterno on, its getting hot there, too much time of thinking maybe, i d ont know how to handle that.
maybe you have an idea?
Can we keep on trucking shabbes? Im afraid getting out of the תחום שבת......
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25 Jun 2017 23:21
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GrowStrong
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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 25 Jun 2017 23:11:
Markz wrote on 25 Jun 2017 10:27:
Shvisi,
I'm sorry to hear how tough the outside world is
May I ask a question?
Do you have a program for the day besides for praying eating sleeping praying eating whiteknuckle-sleeping praying eating?
Thanks markz,
but its not about programs, and not white knuckling, not at all.
its all about my best friend and my bigest enemy and his name is: BED, When ever i go to bed in the afterno on, its getting hot there, too much time of thinking maybe, i d ont know how to handle that.
maybe you have an idea?
Can we keep on trucking shabbes? Im afraid getting out of the תחום שבת......
As a founding member of BA (Bed An onymous) I feel your difficulties...
Did you c onsider taking some kind of recovery literature to bed with you when you go sleep in the afterno on?
Maybe start with the two most relevant Rav Twersky books, (like addicted thinking) or The God of my understanding by Rav Shais Taub...
Its very likely you w ont manage many chapters till you fall asleep but it might give you food for thought.
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26 Jun 2017 01:12
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Markz
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Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 25 Jun 2017 23:11:
Markz wrote on 25 Jun 2017 10:27:
Shvisi,
I'm sorry to hear how tough the outside world is
May I ask a question?
Do you have a program for the day besides for praying eating sleeping praying eating whiteknuckle-sleeping praying eating?
Thanks markz,
but its not about programs, and not white knuckling, not at all.
its all about my best friend and my bigest enemy and his name is: BED, When ever i go to bed in the afterno on, its getting hot there, too much time of thinking maybe, i d ont know how to handle that.
maybe you have an idea?
Can we keep on trucking shabbes? Im afraid getting out of the תחום שבת......
Brother I was not inquiring which one of the 20 recovery programs you follow on Shabbos
I was simply asking if you have a schedule / program for Shabbos
Do you take a walk with your wife / dog / other?
Do you enter the local Beth medrash to fight your chavruta?
Do you spend precious time with your kids?
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26 Jun 2017 13:24
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Shivisi_Hashem
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Markz wrote on 26 Jun 2017 01:12:
Shivisi_Hashem wrote on 25 Jun 2017 23:11:
Markz wrote on 25 Jun 2017 10:27:
Shvisi,
I'm sorry to hear how tough the outside world is
May I ask a question?
Do you have a program for the day besides for praying eating sleeping praying eating whiteknuckle-sleeping praying eating?
Thanks markz,
but its not about programs, and not white knuckling, not at all.
its all about my best friend and my bigest enemy and his name is: BED, When ever i go to bed in the afterno on, its getting hot there, too much time of thinking maybe, i d ont know how to handle that.
maybe you have an idea?
Can we keep on trucking shabbes? Im afraid getting out of the תחום שבת......
Brother I was not inquiring which one of the 20 recovery programs you follow on Shabbos
I was simply asking if you have a schedule / program for Shabbos
Do you take a walk with your wife / dog / other?
Do you enter the local Beth medrash to fight your chavruta?
Do you spend precious time with your kids?
Yes, my Shabbes is BH full to the capacity, i play a lot with my kids, i learn alot, in the morning, i get up at 6 am to learn, in the afterno on after my brain fights, i learn a few hours, my day is full, but still when im in bed, things get heated up, a great GYE member told me what a therapist told him, sometimes there might be a blockage in the brain to do something , and the best way to get rid of it, is to make a change in schedule, so for me instead of going to bed right after the sida, i should play, learn or walk for an hour, so the brain will see a change, so thats what im doing the last 2 weeks, it works, its better what it used to be, but still, im still not perfect, far from perfect, its very triggering, i wish i would know why and what its triggering, it takes some time to heal, ill have to ask this GYE memeber, what he says to it, how l ong it takes to see changes.
thank you markz.
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05 Jul 2017 23:47
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Markz
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Mazel Tov!!!!!
It's a great achievement
Don't look back - if you need to see behind you, use your Rearview mirror only
KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!!
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06 Jul 2017 17:59
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Shivisi_Hashem
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Markz wrote on 05 Jul 2017 23:47:
Mazel Tov!!!!!
It's a great achievement
Don't look back - if you need to see behind you, use your Rearview mirror only
KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!!!
Rear window is fogy!!
Thank you anyway!!
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09 Jul 2017 04:25
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Markz
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Aryeh821 wrote on 09 Jul 2017 04:12:
B''H for the first time in 5 years or so ive reached three weeks!!!
im really doing some intense work with my psychologist and hes hooked my up with someone that im going to hopefully work the steps with
one of the most painful things now is guys in yeshivah telling me the porn related problems that they have and they dont want help thinking they can do it all themselves when unfortunately its is plainly obvious they cant - it feels like standing at the bottom of a pit and watching someone climbing down ignoring your warnings that its muuuuuuch harder to go up than down and the number just keeps growing
just thought i would check in if anyone is interested in my progress
What's the questi on???
Of course!
You made my day ;-)
KEEP ON TRUCKING!
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