Hello everyone!

I have decided to start a journal of my experiences, struggles, and successes with the intention of giving chizuk to everyone, including the "lurkers" (many people who read and take in all the information, but do not post any comment), and in order to receive some chizuk that I know I will need in order to become a Tzadik.

I will update at least once a week on Friday or Motzei Shabbos. I would love it if people can gain from my journal: the making of a Tzadik.

Right now, time is short, but suffice it to say that I started Thursday (yesterday). I picked myself up, after some dumb choices Wednesday night that led to a fall.

I woke up determined to succeed for good. I talked with HaShem and went through the 4 steps of teshuva. As part of kabala for the future, I told HaShem that I would start a journal with the intention of being able to give chizuk and help others struggling to succeed. I then said the tikkun klali (10 Tehillim of Dovid HaMelech), and went into the mikveh.

I feel like late Wed. night, I fell into a big pit of mud, and dirtied my clothes and whole body. Then, on Thursday I picked myself up and cleaned myself off thoroughly, washing my clothes and taking a long shower. I reasserted myself that I don't belong laying in the mud like a dirty pig, but rather I belong standing talking to HaShem and learning His holy Torah with a clean body (goof naki).

I am a holy neshama, who has a goof and a major yetzer hara. I need to stay focused and pass the nisyonos that come...in fact this is why HaShem sends the tests...so that I will pass them and assert myself as a holy neshama, and in doing so get closer and closer to HaShem, and develop of stronger personal relationship with Him.

Have a great Shabbos everyone!

All chizuk is welcome. Also, if someone who has succeeded for awhile (several months) could write in and comment from time to time, I would greatly appreciate the help.

Dear Yosef Hatzadik1,

Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information…

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week… This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc… So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not…

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook

This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude

The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

May Hashem be with you!

Welcome friend!
Im relatively new here myself, but I know how much it meant to me that there were people listening (reading) who cared. So I want to let you know that we are here rooting for you, encouraging you, and davening for you. Make use of the tools available here on the website, its a tremendous chizuk, and I believe the only way to really control this monster. Hatzlacha Rabba! And keep posting!

Thank you for your reply. I really hope you are right when you say that: "everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up! Post away on this forum. You will get tons of chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!" That's what I'm here for! Gesher, it does mean a lot to me that there are people here who care to help me and encourage me.

Well not getting on the computer except for Erev Shabbos and Motzei Shabbos is just too difficult right now. I talked it all out with HaShem after messing up late last night, and realize that my falls are always after 1:00am when everyone is asleep.

I am therefore determined from now on to getting off the computer by 11:00pm l'chatchila, and for sure getting off and never crossing the red line of 1:00am, no matter what! This, I think I can do, and it should help a lot.

The yetzer hara is fighting me really hard...it completely caught me off guard last night. Many unexpected things led to a late night, when my resistance is lower, and then advertisements and a surprise in the movie I was watching that I didn't foresee happening, led me to fall back into the mud pit. How embarrassing and disappointing. I have barely begun, and the yetzer hara is fighting me so hard...it must mean that I am "on to something" with this teshuva plan including this journal and this website. I will succeed.

I picked myself up again, and talked it all out with HaShem, did the 4 steps of teshuva, read the tikun klali 10 tehillim, and went to the mikveh. Then, I pleaded some more to HaShem, and learned Torah all afternoon. I am not giving up, and I will succeed.

There are 100 days left until Shavuos, and I intend to stay clean for ALL of them. Anybody out there? Some chizuk and encouragement would be nice  .

Thank you.

hi yosef,
your determination is great!
i would recommend reading up here on GYE on the forum and the handbooks. listen to what works for people. we all face the same issue - lust - and most of us have been trying to 'be good' for very long and just kept falling flat on out noses and we come here and see that we don't need to just try harder, rather we need to try smarter. try things that work. maybe you need a real live person to be your coach/partner, maybe a phone group, or something else. only way to know is to try.
and btw, if you have a filter - which hopefully you do (k9 is free) - you can set it to prevent access after a certain time.
keep up your good work
לך מחיל אל חיל

You are welcome to try it your way. But I found that using the computer for kosher things and reading up the chizuk and stuff on this site, is much more effective. Rather fighting the YH head on which we tend to lose, its sometimes better to use the YH for your own good. Obviously you must have a filter. I feel like I've tried your approach always with the same results, sometimes longer sometimes shorter but never really getting to where I want to be. Just being frustrated. Look thru the site and make a plan based on what others have tried and suggested. Hatzlacha Rabba!

Thank you for your responses. You both say to try smarter, not just try harder, and to find out what worked for others. I went to "what worked for me" forum but there is so much information on this site, that I am getting lost and frustrated. Can you simply tell me a few good ideas?

I put a curfew on my computer time

I started this success journal here

I joined an accountability group on this site

I am strengthening my commitment to night seder

I will start exercising in the mornings before I leave

What other things can I do which will help me to succeed and stay clean all the way to Shavuos - about 100 days from now? Please tell me, instead of just saying look around on this website. Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to help me, and for really caring about me.

Yosef

Its very hard to give suggestions that will speak to you. The things that work for one person might not work for another in the same exact way. Which is why I suggested that you look around. I started with the handbooks and then followed the links. It helped. You may want to start with the important threads and see what catches your eye. But the bottom line is, you need to find your own way. The tools are here, only you can know whats right for you.
In all honesty I think that Im addicted to the computer, so I find myself looking for kosher thngs to do. The nice thing about this site is that I can be certain that I wont fall, while getting advice and giving some help.
wishing you hatzlacha
and keep posting! (if that works for you)

for me it helped tremendously to have a partner, someone with whom you can communicate honestly about your situation and be accountable to as well as share ideas and chizuk and get an objective viewpoint

and as gesher pointed out, posting can be good for you as well, it can clarify your thought processes and motivations if you put in down in words

and as he also said, you will need to find your way ultimately, no one knows you as well as yourself
stay here, read up, get to know the ideas, people and resources

much hatzlocha

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 02 Mar 2011 18:24:


How do I find someone like that to help me? Will one of you reading this agree to be that person?

I will continue posting here, since I know that it will help me.
I also joined the accountability group.

I am not going to have the time or patience to search everywhere on this site for things that may work for me. If you can please list a few that have really helped you, maybe they would help me as well...in fact, it is quite possible that it will.

As mentioned, I have limited my computer time dramatically, strengthened my night seder, and added early morning exercise, which should all help me.

The next step is that I really need to get a partner/mentor...anybody?

Im not confident in my ability to be a partner / mentor yet. I havent been around GYE very long, and am still learning the ropes. I dont even know what it entails. So Zemiros, I defer to you. But if you dont have anyone else, and you think we can wing it, Im always ready and willing to help.

I would love to have a mentor, even if he is not yet perfect. Anybody willing reading this?

regarding finding a mentor or a partner: seems like most people here hang around the forum and find people they can identify with, with regards to marital status, similar problems, similar personalities, locations or other factors. once a basic relationship is established then a more direct and focused relationship can be built.
i know for me that is how it has worked. maybe for others it's different.
it's great that you have a group to be part of, maybe one the members can be your partner.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 06 Mar 2011 18:53:

yep, i hope you aren't surprised by that
it will take time and effort to change a habit/addiction that took root over a long time. it cannot be wished, cursed or shuckled away. only thing that helps is slow methodical work. oh, and it also requires that you not throw the towel in

keep coming back and keep helping yourself and others by working and moving in the right direction
i wish you much hatzlocha

Yosef,

I'm also here al admas HaKodesh, and I find your struggle and attitude very inspiring. Be b'Kesher!

E