Eye, that's great! Hope we get a chance to properly speak soon!

Yesterday I woke up feeling great.  SUDDENLY, on my way to shacharis, I felt this weird panic feeling.  I had no idea what it way and why it suddenly hit me.  I felt VERY uncomfortable, irritable, and I knew I had to do something about this feeling or it might lead me to acting out.

SO, I tried to call someone (1st thing in the morning is even harder than trying to find someone at 2 in the morning!)  No luck.  SO, I trudged off to kollel.  I wanted to just ignore this feeling and get on with my day, hoping it would get better.

But, I knew this feeling would still be lurking in the background.

SO, I sat down and wrote a letter to myself (something I have done before).  I got all the things that were bothering me out onto paper (I somehow like this more than the formal "4th step worksheets").  Then, I tried to write myself an answer.  I was surprised at how many things came out of my head, so many things that were bothering me.  And, I was able to take the things I can't control and accept them.  The thing I could change was my attitude about certain things.  I realized it was up to ME to decide whether to be happy about these things or worried about them.

The process took about a half hour, but it gave me peace of mind for the rest of the day (and has continued).  It was well worth it.

  --Eye.

thanks for sharing that eitza

glad you found peace of mind

I learned a lot  from your post.

Beautiful  !

Eye, hello I've not posted in ur thread b4, so 1st I gotta say shulem alichem, my name is Mr JIP , I saw somewhere in the thread mentioned about ur wife doing the 12 steps w/o being a lust addict for other fears & resentments she has, have u guys actually pursued with that, if so I'd be very interested in hearing more about it
Thanks & hatzlucha with ur own journey

jewinpain wrote on 31 Oct 2010 17:39:


Hello Mr. JIP.  Thankyou for posting here.

Actually a lot has changed.  I quit as my wife's 12-step sponsor; wasn't really good for the relationship.  My wife has her own ways of dealing with things, and I'm just letting her take her own path, whatever she relates to best.  There is a 12-step -anon sort of group without the stigma of SA, called CODA-Anon, co-dependants anonymous.  She's looking into that a bit, but I don't think it's her main derech.

I hope this reply has been helpful.  If there's anything more specific, feel free to PM.

--Eye.

Had a MAJOR slip last night.

Usually, there are slips that you do something, and something more, and more, and hopefully you can catch yourself before it gets too bad.

This was a really weird slip.  I did something, and it set off a chain reaction which completely had a mind of it's own; there was no mid-way point where I could do anything about it.

I was pretty shooken up about it.  I felt better today after I realized "yesterday is yesterday and there's nothing I can do about it today, so it doesn't help to worry about it."

I was trying to figure out "how did this happen," but it was so puzzling that it was just dragging me down.

Maybe I'll think about it later.

  --Eye.

hi eye, ive also never posted here before but i find you very inpirational!

i was thinking, sometimes, if we've been alright for a long while, we can start to forget how powerless we are and how much we need Hashem, so He sends a little slip our way to remind us. Not saying thats what happened here, but something to think about. Hatslocho!

hey eye.

maybe you will think about it later, maybe not.
if the thinking is dragging you down, maybe it's not worth it,
you can just go with the yesterday being yesterday idea.

either way, small setbacks can always be springboards for growth,
even if we dont understand them or the process.

have a great day!

As we know, 1,000 years is like one day for the RBS"O.  But, by the same token, one day is like 1,000 years.  Meaning, there's no difference to the RBS"O (who is both l'maala min ha'zman and eternal) whether we, c"v, slipped or fell 1,000 years ago or whether it happened yesterday.  What matters is our attitude, as well as the steps we take to move forward and avoid a repeat performance.

an honest mouse wrote on 01 Nov 2010 22:59:


Same here.  Continued hatzlocha.

Hello.  Here I am again.

I've been thinking lately that, if I could live in the present, I would be more content with life.  I feel scatterbrained so much of the time.  I had a flash of inspiration--you know those relaxation techniques, lay down in a quiet dark room for an hour and do some deep-breathing?  Well, how often can you manage to do that?  But what I realized is that concentrating on your breathing helps clear your mind, even if you don't do it for very long and even if you're not lying down in a quiet dark room.  It can help bring you into focus on the present, even while you're walking down the street.

I only just started doing this recently, but I find it is helpful.  And, I think it's more effective than just trying to THINK of the present.  Since there's an action involved, deep breathing, it seems like it's easier to remember to do it every so often.

Welcome to the weird world of...

  --Eye.

Kedusha wrote on 02 Nov 2010 15:20:

Dear Rib Eye, (tee-hee!)

We like your wacky world.

And BTW, living "one day at a time" really boils down to being oseik in today's business today, and tomorrow's business tomorrow.
I can try really hard to force myself to do that, but the only way to really get comfortable with it is to mix some bitachon into it by starting to trust Hashem a little. Taking baby steps in turning our will and our lives over to His care. In other words, to start trusting that He'll make today's efforts work out right - so we do not need to feel like we have to jump ahead and worry about tomorrow, next year, or next decade. That unknown and untrustworthy future is where many of our self-centered and childish fears live and breathe, you know.

And we slowly begin to let go of the pains of our past and trust that He'll make it right, too. That He will help us do what we can to correct things, and help us accept our powerlessness over what we cannot. Like the serenity prayer talks about.

These things are probably among the most basic to true yiddishkeit. Just basic simple trust in Hashem in our real lives - in our marriages, our lack thereof, our schoolwork, relationships, growth, and health - real life, rather than just a sefer or a sugya. We can grow tremendously in learning and practice of Torah and mitzvos without this, of course. And normal people can get by...many probably do, nebach. But for an addict, too many 'alarms' go off and life becomes too unbearable. We are just too screwed up, I guess, so we need to learn to live in the present, otherwise we cannot really live, at all.

Not a very bad fate, really.

To me, what sets it all apart from the almost useless faith I had before, was that when I heard about bitachon, it was all about the extremes: Either I went all the way and trusted Him fully, or not. Recovery showed me that real bitachon grows out of the little, unglamorous, insignificant-appearing things, and comes in tiny, little steps. To me, that used to appear unimportant - not what the sforim are really talking about - or maybe even as apikorsus, or at least hypocrisy. B"H the truth is that useful emunah and bitachon are only learned through real life action, that is, from taking steps - and not from s'forim and 'step-study'.

Thanks for sharing that and forgive the megillah...it just happened.