Thanks for sharing that, chaver. There is no therapy and good advice on parenting than doing the best you can for Hashem, and discovering what actually works for you and the family! I, for one, have had enough with self-help and advice books. Had a basement full of 'em at one point in my life....Which point? You guessed it: the point in my life when I was acting out with lust the most! 

Just logged in after a break.

Wow I can't believe you fell!! I know exactly how you feel  > I have looked at your progress with wonder and tried to follow you. I have had a lot of encouragement and inspiration by your progress and contribution. 

Keep "trucking" lets go together for next 90 days clean days and beyond.

I'm back to day 10 :D

Eye, you are like my basement full of parenting books. On video (or at least on occasional posts from a reality show). I've been "learning" The Gates of Peace (R Arush) b'chevrusa now for several months, and your thread is like the workbook. Or maybe even the answer key.

Thanks for sharing your emotional 'insides' (kishkes) with us all.

Think Good wrote on 08 Jun 2010 09:26:


You can follow, but try not to follow THAT part!--the fall 

  --Eye.

Day 11.

Day 15.

Friday was very difficult.  I got this feeling like I wanted to act out.

I recognized--this is because I'm feeling overwhelmed.  There were only a couple of hours left and, as my wife put it, "None of the food is cooked and the house is a total mess!"

I felt like, "Guess we'll never be ready."

I looked at our erev Shabbos "to do" list, and all the tasks seemed petty--these are all the things we've got to do, but none of them really seem like they'll make much of a difference.

I caught myself.

Wash the floors... okay... I can do that.  Maybe I'll get that done.  Forget about the rest of the list.  Maybe I won't get anything else done, and that's okay.

Finished?  What can I do next?

etc, etc.

After two or three of these tasks, I started to feel better.

"One day at a time," sometimes has to be "one task at a time."

  --Eye.

 

Geshmak, thanks again, Eyeball man.

Day 16.  Got out of my selfish head again and helped my wife and child.

One of our kids had to the hospital for certain tests.  This was expected to take the whole morning, and a good part of the afternoon.

The plans changed several times.  First my wife and I were going to go, then my wife with a friend, then we were looking for volunteers to help.

In the end, I just agreed to go along with a close family friend and my wife was able to stay home.  This was a huge relief for her.

I can hardly believe it.

I think my wife can hardly believe it, too.

  --Eye.

You know the story of the man whose wife always messed up the pre-Shabbos work. The Rebbe told the complaining husband, so pick up a broom.

I always thought it was a story of learning to be a cheerful martyr in the face of an incompetent wife, and facing the facts as they exist.

Never occured to me that the real benefit went to the husband.

Until I've read some of your 'kid & hospital' and 'Shabbos prep' stories.

"We learn some from ourselves.
And more from our rabbis and friends.
But from our wives we learn the most of all."

Thanks.

Day 20.

The other day I was really frustrated.  I've got a new habit--instead of sulking and brooding over these bad feelings, I reach out to someone from DC's group.  It helped alot.

I have changed my opinion about sharing all this stuff with my wife.  She doesn't really want to see me all gung-ho about recovery, and about my wonderful new way of looking at things.  Especially since it's a continuing process (takes time).  It's threatening to her, competition for time and attention.  My wife didn't SAY so, but it explains a lot.

I've decided to go low-key.  Keep my mouth shut.  If I want to get across how much this program has helped, the ONLY way is just by becoming a better husband and father.  More patient, more attentive, more helpful. 

Forget the philosophy.

  --Eye.

I have found that my program is generally between me and Hashem and my program buddies - the overflow will positively affect my wife until the point that she becomes an indirect fan of the program. As shown whenever she says, "Dov. You are acting like a lunatic, dear. Go to a meeting, OK?"  :-*

Good Shabbos!

Got this weird feeling, like I want to go escape somewhere, but there's nowhere to go anymore.

Feeling like I just want to go hybernate.

Like there's something I ought to be doing, but I don't know what it is.

Dazed.

Like, "Just leave me alone!"

Like, I try to put on the other set of glasses (reference to DC's group), but everything still looks the same afterwards.

Ever get that feeling?

No, what do you mean??? 

First of all, that question was actually a rhetorical one.

Day 25.

Feeling much better.  I had this feeling like moods go up and down, and life sometimes feels brighter and sometimes darker.  And, sometimes my health is better than at other times.

But, emotionally, I thought I always ought to be able to overcome whatever challenges I face, and gracefully too.

I think what happened is I was honestly emotionally drained.  I needed a rest.  I needed to go into low gear.  Maybe for an hour, maybe for a day.  For a little while.

I got a lot of chizzuk from the fellows in DC's group.  The basic theme was, "Get out of your head and help someone."

I think that instead of feeling pity for myself, feeling bad that I don't think I can DO anything NOW, I really should have just done whatever I could.  And maybe rested and then done something.

I think it's valid that sometimes we need to take things easy.

I can be helpful, but sometimes only in low gear.

I would worry if I ALWAYS felt this way, suspect that I'm really just being selfish and self-seeking.

Usually I'm not.  Usually I would do more.  So, I think that's a good sign.

--Eye.

KUTGW!!  You can do this!!  It's a one day at a time thing.