126.

An idea that came up a while ago in DC's group is, we should gain a belief in ourselves.

Also, in "The Garden of Peace," there's a whole chapter about how a wife doesn't want a good-for-nothing husband.

My wife's spoken Hebrew is far better than mine (she attended an Israeli seminary while I've been around English speakers my whole life).  So, I usually rely on her to make all these official phone calls for doctor appointments and such.  It's one of my weak spots.  I started making more of these calls myself, despite my imperfect Hebrew.

Just something I'm working on.

Have a Good Shabbos everyone,

  --Eye.

That is great you are working on yourself.  Have a wonderful Shabbos.  KUTGW!

127.

Besides warding off negative feelings, I'm trying to work on being more positive.  This doesn't come naturally.

It's one of those realizations I keep having, and then forgetting to work on, and then remembering, and then forgetting to work on...

I've been feeling like a drill-seargeant to my kids lately.  I'm not too hard on myself, as I have been sick.  But I really wanted to change this.

This Shabbos afternoon I went out for a nice walk with my wife and children, even though my wife offered to take them by herself and let me rest.

Also, I joked around with my kids to put them to bed instead of just ordering them to go to sleep.  I actually have a good sense of humor, but it's just too easy to forget to use it with your own kids.

Recovery isn't just about not acting out.  It's about letting yourself enjoy life.  When you get pleasure from the small things in life, when you don't sweat the small stuff, then you don't need to act out.

Shavua Tov,

  --Eye.







 

Great points Eye,
keep 'em coming!

Gut voch!

Thanks Sturrgle.  How are you doing?

I appreciate your message.  More and more I'm getting the feeling that I'm sorta just posting to myself over here.

Like, maybe there's a point you're supposed to get less involved in the forum, and more involved with the other aspects of life.

Like, check in once every couple of weeks and say, "Hey, I can't believe how many new people are here now!"

:-\

  --Eye.

I loved the line about joking with the kids.  Playing with my kids more is where I found more of life.  I used to order them to bed, maybe go and say good night and that was it.  Now I take an active roll in trying to get them to sleep and to really not just be there dad but there friend too.

I miss the days when i used to cuddle up with the little ones on their beds to hug them good nite. I would fall asleep, and they'd wake me up cuz i was snoring in their ears...

It really means a lot to them when we ask about their days, and to REMEMBER from day to day what's going on with them, and show our honest concern about their lives. It's easy for us addicts to "fake" it, and pretend just to make them think they have an involved father. We have to work at being really sincere.

When I'm feeling good and accomplished, I can really be myself and joke around with the kids. When I am negative about myself, too hard on myself, I see myself taking out my frustrations by being a drill sergeant and wanting perfection from them. Gotta remember they're human too, just growing, and deserve patience like I like to have for my own faults.

So I really think we're seeing things eye to EYE.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 07 Mar 2010 17:46:


You are one of the most quoted people in the daily chizuk e-mails lately!! I just saved two of your latest posts for the e-mails... Hey man, are you reading them? 

Eye.nonymous wrote on 07 Mar 2010 17:46:


Thats what you SHOULD be doing! Dont feel like you should post so everyone can hear you. If thats the case, I think youre posting for the wrong reasons. Its not important how many views or responses you get on your thread compared to anyone else's thread. Thats another expectation in life that we can go without (after all we know what expectations lead to...). Post away but do it for yourself so you can let out and get things off your chest that you wouldnt be able to do in "reality". One of the biggest things I am learning to do because of GYE is expect less from people in life. The less you expcet the more you end up getting. If you expect too much, you'll be dissapointed. Remember, whatever the situation is, the same amount of whatever is going to come out, the only thing you can control is your perspectives and motivations.

All the best!

-Yiddle

Alright.  I stand corrected.

I think today is 128.

Had a major set-back recently--yesterday.  Didn't register as a fall or even a slip, but definitely related to this topic.  And definitely dissappointing.

I really got down about it.

Managed to pick myself up a few hours into the morning.  I said to myself, "Tomorrow is behind you, and there's nothing you can do about it.  Today is all you have, and try to make the most of it."

I can't say I'm completely happy and cheerful, but I'm not down anymore.

  --Eye.

Gevalt, thanks for dumping that here rather than carrying yesterday around with you today, Reb Eye. It's funny, but it seems that actually witnessing others letting go of garbage they might otherwise cling to makes it easier for me to give up my own crapola.
And for giving up my own crapola, I'd like to share that there is a lady at my work who was on leave for about 2 months and today I noticed that she's back. I find her attractive, and she works down the open hallway from me all day long. Her image is all fine and good - for her...but of not use to me whatsoever. She's really none of my business. But in the past, I tended to clear out a little "cubicle" for her in my brain....I need to let her go completely.
Nu. Completely? OK, I'll accept letting go of the obsession for today and not worry about "completely", or "forever". All I really need to concern myself with is that she and a bazillion other pretty folks are in my little world for me to help them in some way, rather than to use them. How? It may never become clear to me, but hani kovshi d'Rachmono are also none of my business.
That's all poshut.
So, with Hashem's help I will daven for her by name today, for her well-being, healthy and successful relationships with husband and children, lack of pain/sufferring in this life, and then I'll ask Hashem to help me let go of any obsession I may have about her or her image.
Chances are that it'll be gone by then, anyhow.  8)

Happy and cheerful that you are not down any more,

Dov

I wonder if Hashem had as much Nachas Ruach from the ketores in the Beis Hamikdash as he does from guys like eye and Dov being maktir their "crapola" on the mizbeach of their hearts...

He does.
It's a befeirisheh gemorrah in Sanhedrin, 40-something b:
Amar RYB"L: "Kol hazoveiach yitzro ...something, something...is better than all the korbanos"! (or something like that....hey, I'm not a talmid chochom, just an addict in recovery, what do you expect?)

dov wrote on 08 Mar 2010 20:58:


Here's something similar: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Images/GUE.jpg

Today is actually 130.

To simplify, here's a message I sent to DC (with a couple of changes in parenthesis):

In your last call you mentioned the ability to "take criticism."

This came just in time.

My wife and I have been having some misunderstandings lately (I really almost acted out a couple of times).  This morning she blasted me with a ton of criticism.

Two things came to mind:

1.  Can you take it, or not?

2.  An addict is the most self-deceptive person in the world.  IT'S PROBABLY ALL TRUE, even if I don't want to believe it.

I swallowed my pride and helped around the house and got off to kollel and hour late.

AND, all the RID (restlessness, irritability, and Discontent) that has been hovering around me for the past couple of days DISAPPEARED!

THANKS!