Eye is always here!!! thanks for keeping us updated and always dropping a good "vort"!!

hey Eye, you truly are an inspiration!
KUTGW!

wonderful post.  I enjoy reading your take on how you deal with the "romantic" situations of marriage.  KUTGW!!!

KUTGW!

-- Guard was here  

guardureyes wrote on 18 Feb 2010 17:49:
Now THATS a chiddush!!!

112.

I've been feeling these really powerful urges lately.  It's kinda' scary.

I reassure myself that this is one of those "dark" moments.  Just hang in a day or two, or maybe a week, and it will pass.

I remember reading once something in B'Nei Machshava Tova:  People think we can't feel our soul.  We CAN feel it, but we've been conditioned to misinterpret it.  Sometimes you feel uneasy.  You try to eat something or take a nap to alleviate the discomfort.  But afterwards, the snack or the nap didn't help!  Because your soul is yearing!  It wants something spiritual!

So, I was wondering, maybe this lust is really the same thing.  We've been totally conditioned when we get this powerful urge "I need to act out!"  But, maybe this is just our yearning for Hashem--misinterpreted.  We need D'veikus!

I can't say I've perfected this attitude yet, but I've at least started playing with it.

Have a Good Shabbos everyone,

--Eye.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 19 Feb 2010 09:10:

Yup, this is a popular yesod on GYE. Read the attitudes handbooks, principle #17,  Redirecting the power in our souls, where Guard directly discusses this issue.

Regarding your " powerful urges", I often found that simply sitting back and hanging in doesn't always do the job for me. I would do one of all of the following to crush the feelings:
1) Daven Daven Daven. Daven  to Hashem to make them go away.  Daven to Hashem to help you maintain your sanity during these times and never do anything stupid.
2) Say one kepital tehillim over and over again to express your desire to remove all barrios between you and Hashem and your true desire to come close to Hashem.
3) Remind yourself over and over again the negative consequences of acting out.  Do not let the thought enter even for a moment that there is a possibility to act out. The more you think that there is a possibility, the more the thoughts linger. When the possibility is NULL, the crave is very small.
4) Make sure you feel and say that you are 100% committal to sobriety.
5)Stay far away from any form of triggers.  Even if you think the chances of acting are remote. You want to make sure the chances are zero.
6) And of course get out and do something productive.
7) talk to yourself in the mirror and remind yourself you are a real person with a real neshama.  you really can destroy.  there is something at stake.  (This last stage is usually only necessary once the urge has gotten to the point that the addict is actually contemplating acting out)
8 ) Going forward, make sure to constantly increase your yiras shamayim and strengthen your commitment to sobriety. Too many people fall back into it just because they think it will never happen again and then forget about it.  I continued to address my addiction for my first seven months of recovery.  Even though I felt close to zero urges I needed to constantly grow and be consciously committed.   

I know this sounds extreme, but when I used get these "attacks" I knew this was my life o the line.  I valued it too much to rely on "I probably won't act out".  I needed to make sure I won't act out.  This is especially true since prior to my taking my sobriety seriously, my ignoring these subtle "urges" would often snowball into full blown addiction within hours.  B"H, I am sober for more than a year and I have NO urges at all to act out in porn and masturbation. 

Hatzlacha,
Good Shabbos

Have a great shabbos Eye!


And YS THANKS for that post. Honeslt it isnt the type of post you see every day here on the forum, but it was really good. Thanks! I needed it!! Good shabbos!

Good SHabbos eye.  KOT! 

113.

Thanks Ykv_Schartz for your helpful response.

I think, though, I was talking about something entirely different.  MISINTERPRETING the urge, as opposed to REDIRECTING it.

To explain--redirecting means, it's really an urge for lust.  But, I'm going to take a jog instead to use the energy in a positive way.

MISINTERPRETING it means, I THINK I'M LUSTING.  Really, I am experiencing a very powerful desire.  In truth, IT'S NOT A DESIRE FOR LUST!!!  I only think it is because I'm so used to thinking of it in this way.  It's REALLY a desire for a huge hisbodidus session or something (can you tell I'm moving along in Garden of Peace, with that "hisbodidus").  It's REALLY a desire to connect to Hashem.

I find the thought alone very liberating, without the jog.

------

On another note:

Bflat.

I love noticing these before/after differences.  I'll say that BEFORE, when marital intimacy had some delays or other set-backs, I would feel that my whole self-worth was destroyed.  I was consumed by this addiction.  NOW, it doesn't seem devastating anymore; it's just another part of life.

NOTE:  Please feel free to respond to part A of this post, part B, to BOTH, or to none of the above.

(Sometimes it can be confusing when a single post contains multiple topics, I know).


I'm getting silly.

  Shavua Tov,

    --Eye.

Sometimes when we're out there in the big world surrounded by all the temptations wherever we seem to look, we cry out in our hearts "Dear G-d, where are you? I can't see you, I can't feel you! All I see is a beauty of a different kind, wherever I look!"...

But then the answer comes to our hearts from G-d, "my son, does there exist any beauty besides me? I am in the beauty you see as well!".

For G-d is indeed everywhere, and He - and only He - is the source of all beauty. The beauty that we see and crave here on this world is truly only a mere shadow of a manifestation of G-d's beauty. We need to train our minds to realize that there are no two types of beauty. There is only one source of beauty in the world. What we see in women is also the beauty of G-d. But, G-d has decreed that in order to merit perceiving His true beauty, we must first learn to turn our eyes away from the physical beauty that is only his creation, and instead turn our hearts to Him - to the SOURCE. In His great wisdom, G-d determined that only one who is ready to give up the physical manifestations of G-d's beauty should be worthy of experiencing the true beauty of G-d, in a much more sublime way.

I was gonna respond but then i had two problems! One, i dont want to write a short response cuz some guys on this forum will be upset at me. To write a long one, hmmmmmmmmmm i dont really have what to say. Two, I am one of those guys who gets confused when someone write multiple topics in one post, so im totally confused.

Ill just leave it to , Ah Gutte Voch and keep it rollin.

responding to B.

I notice if a set back comes, it's OK to just let it go.  It will happen at some point.  As for when I have been doing my best to leave it in G-d's hands!  Sometimes very hard to do that.

Intrying has some anivus so he says little. Maybe it said all that needs to be said.

And here I go opening my big, fat mouth. Uh oh:

My sponsor once told me (when feeling lust/temptation to lust) to try saying: "Hashem, whatever it is that I am really looking for in that image, let me find it in You!", and meaning it and trusting Him to eventually do it. It really took the edge off and connected me to Hashem instead of to the the lust object. I use it occasionally. Clearly, going after the lust doesn't even come close to satisfying me, the big hole inside remains - or grows, when lust is used. So it's clearly something else I was killing myself for. Mamesh b'nafsho yovi "lachmo"! 
It sounds along the lines of what you are talking, and per what Guard posted above. It's a free tool. Go ahead, take it!

Incidentally, a while later, he told me he didn't really like that approach cuz it was too selfish for him and he prefers to just give up to Hashem and ask Him to help him be concerned with His Will, rather than with any of his desires, be they spiritual or otherwise. Nu. For everything it's time and harbei drochim laMokom!! As bards might say: "Truck first, make cheshboinos later". Efsher yoh?

Have fun, reb Eye!!

I think today is 115.

I have a lap-top which I use rarely, and for a very specific purpose.  It's kinda old, so I couldn't find a filter that would work for it.  I just used it and had some technical difficulty.  I thought it was waiting for an internet connection or something, and frozen until it had one.  I thought I needed to give it a try.  So, I plugged it in, thinking all the time, "THIS IS POISON THIS IS POISON."  After about a minute the technical difficulty wasn't resolved.  I assumed my theory was false, and I unplugged the internet connection like it was death itself.  I had this feeling like I was walking into the jaws of death--and I think this kept me sane.

By the way, I have a particular need, professionally, to be up on the latest news.  I need REAL news, silly details, and not just the latest speculations about the global political situation.  I don't want to have to keep visiting the CNN site, though.  It's got too much stuff that I really would rather not know.

Does anyone know of a plainer and safer option--like a daily text E-mail.

I'd greatly appreciate it.