111. Another funny number. I won't have a comparably funny number until 222, which is in another 111 days.
Oy. I wrestled quite a bit with a trigger recently. At the end I realized "this is stupid," and stopped. It's over with.
In the past it would have been a battle with lust. Hold out a little longer. Control myself a little longer. But the lust kept lurking in the background until it won.
An expected intimate evening has been postponned already more than once. I was starting to feel down about it. But then I reminded myself that I survived about 3 weeks of abstinence during those 90 days due to certain considerations. So, big deal if this gets pushed off a little while longer. It's not at all because of any anamosity (which is what my Yeitzer would have made me brood about in the past), marriage is good, this isn't the end of the world.
Also, "Garden of Peace" has been quite helpful. I just recently finished the chapter which is basically all about not lusting (Facing each other).
--Eye. was here