Today is 87. (in contrast, I hope OE anonymous counts DOWN).
Last night I was feeling really upset about something. Months ago, I probably would have acted out. More recently, I would have told myself, "don't act out. don't act out."
Now, I've had a lot of success with
1. Catching these bad moods before they start and warding them off.
And some success with
2. Trying to reflect on positive thoughts.
But I felt stuck already. Instead, a new realization came to mind:
3. I'M REALLY UPSET!!! And that's OK. I'm a human being and this happens sometimes. I just admitted it to myself. I don't have to run to my addiction. I can just admit to being human.
DuvidChaim mentioned at the Kumzitz that lots of people suffer from, "don't speak, don't trust, don't feel." It's a coping mechanisim that a person develops over times. I don't know if this is what he means. But, it makes sense--the remedy here was TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY EMOTIONS--AS/IS.
I'm a little worried because I still don't feel much better yet. BUT, I don't feel like acting out either, Baruch Hashem.
I think there's a lot of stuff I've got to deal with. AND, just hanging in for a day or two doesn't hurt either.
--Eye.
