silentbattle wrote on 12 Jan 2010 15:22:


Just as long as I get a percentage of all royalties.

BecomeHoly wrote on 13 Jan 2010 04:59:


Actually, I'm trying to prepare myself in advance.  I know the more I let any success go to my head, the more in danger I am of falling.

I am trying to focus on "one day at a time," and realizing that, even after 90 days, I have to keep on thinking, "one day at a time."

Wonderful attitude Eye, one day at a time.  I am so happy you are doing well.  Keep up the amazing work as we all are inspired by your ride to 90 and beyond!!

Today is day 75.

I noticed that I keep making a mistake with the 12-steps.  I keep mistaking the symptoms for the illness.  The mistake is less obvious now; I just picked up on this.  I know that I have to be working to improve MYSELF, and I need to let Hashem be in control of my life.

But, just because I am not acting out, and just because I have recently become productive on the computer (instead of wasting all my time on it) is NOT the real issue.  It is NOT recovery YET.

I was really impressed by the "kumzitz" last night.  It was different than the previous ones, but also great.  In particular, Duvid Chaim was very inspiring to hear.  

One day at a time - absolutely...that is how we live, and I need to remember that, too!

Very, very true.

Do you mean like you feel like as long as you're not acting on the illness, it seems like it's not there?

WHy do you feel that it's not recovery yet?

Eye.nonymous wrote on 13 Jan 2010 14:26:

EN i think 90 its just a number,
to heal from few(??) years of ilness maybe take a little more than 90 (or 75) days, its a proccess,
you need just try to implement the 12 steps, the success will come soon and you gonna feel it.
hazlacha raba!
we trust you gever!!

Keep on working.  I'm finding 90 days is just 90 days.  We have changed but it must continue to 91 or 120 or 365.  I think the steps lead us above and beyond.

silentbattle wrote on 13 Jan 2010 14:30:


I feel that the recovery isn't from LUST.  LUST is just a symptom.  The real sickness is all the problems that lead to lust.  I like DuvidChaim's definition [which he mentioned at the kumzitz], I think it sums up all the negative character traits beautifully "immaturity."

I may not be acting out, and I may be more productive at the computer now.


But these are two SYMPTOMS.

My overall attitude is really still immature. 

Today is day 76.

I was doing some neatening up recently and I found my long-lost copy of "WAKING UP JUST IN TIME," by Rabbi Twersky.  "A therapist shows how to use the Twelve Steps approach to life's ups and downs."  I started looking for it since I joined this forum (about half a year ago) and assumed I lent it to someone who forgot to give it back.

I read it once, but now I'm reading it again.  It strikes home a lot more now.

Awesome - hashem is sending you tools to make it over the hill and STAY over the hill... grab em, use em, and DON"T LET GO!

KUTGW :-) You're doing great  :-)

Today is day 77--the same backwards and forwards.

I've still been having slips here and there, but getting out of them quickly.

I am still thinking about DuvidChaim's explanation, that the root of our problem is IMMATURITY.

Reading the AA Big Book (on my own, I haven't participated in DC's groups yet), when it comes to "make ammends for the damage you have done," it's easy to track all the damage caused by drinking.

But, from lust, it's hard to imagine that so much damage was done from acting out every so often and not controlling my eyes on the street.

BUT, if you have to scrutinize the damage done by IMMATURITY, the REAL problem...

That's a heavy blow.

I don't know if they have a step for this, but I would think the one I would apologize to is myself, or at least the self I was supposed to be without all this dreck.... I'm not an expert in AA doctrine so I can't speak, but that would seem right. You can write that other self a letter... who knows

77 DAYS!!!!

How do you spell total awesomeness?

Hmmm... Oh! I remember! 7 and then um.. uh.. oh yeah... one more 7!!

KUTGW!!!!!

Eye, I can relate so much to how you're feeling, even though I'm way behind you (day 39).

I also slip here and there, but recover while before a slip meant just a matter of time before a fall.

Is it realistic for us to try not slip any more? Do you slip on purpose? Sometimes I do.

Love the number 77. Looking forward to attending your 90th party! Just 2 weeks away.,..

Hey Eye, Keep on going and remember always one day at a time.

KOT!