Today is day 67, the same gematria as ELUL.

Something has changed, and I think I've figured it out.

At the beginning, I'd have "good days" and "bad days," and even "good weeks" and "bad weeks."

NOW, it seems that I can have a rough hour, and a good hour.  The change can happen much faster.  I think this is new.

I don't know why this happens, but it does explain alot.

This morning was really hard.  I had a major slip.

I had to promise my yeitzer that I can act out tomorrow; just make it through today!

I realized--NEVER THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT THAT YOU DON'T NEED THE SAME TACTICS THAT YOU NEEDED MONTHS AGO!!!

But, I still noticed a difference.  About a month ago I would have been keeping an eye on the clock until tommorow arrived.

Now, I was able to put it out of my mind and just get on with life.  It was over with.

I realized deeper meaning in "1 day (or minute) at a time."  Just make the most out of THIS moment.  Don't worry about what you WANTED TO DO.  Here's a minute, and here's the situation you're in.  Forget about everything else and just make the most of it.

Keep up the good work!
Don't you dare fall on us now!
Go Eye Go!
Lead us to the promised land!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Eye.nonymous wrote on 05 Jan 2010 13:20:


Pure Gold. Gold!!! You lucky duck, you.

This was truly a beautiful post,eye.

The best summary i saw of the live by the minute is when someone i forgot who it was said
"Breathe in.Breathe out.Don't lust in between."
For some reason that really hit me nicely.

I think part of it at least for me is that when i watch porn i enter into a fantasy world.I was thinking about it and i was like "wait,im running away from my dad to this.this girls prob have at least 2 times the problems my dad has!they are probably not enjoyable to be with at all(besides for maybe sex).
In other words,I escape into a fantasy world,an imagination where there is no RID.
Breathing and focusing on that helps me stay in tune with reality.The here and now.

Wow, what a great post.  It really describes the minute to minute feelings.  It also is great to hear that you are doing what you set out to do.  Keep up the great work and remember positive feeling will lead to something great, life.

Well said, Eye - one day (or minute) at a time isn't just about lust - it's an approach to life!

Keep on rocking!

Keep up the good work eye'stein!!!

And i really do think the quote "take it one day at a time" is alot deeper than it seems! BUt you seem to be getting a better understandig of it!

imtrying25 wrote on 05 Jan 2010 20:44:


That's eye'stien. 

I really appreciate all those responses on my last post.

Thanks Dov, Uri, Sci, MOMO, Silentbattle, & IT!

Today is day 68.

I was thinking today "oh no I wasted today!"  I left kollel very early for something urgent and never managed to get back.  I wasn't expecting I'd miss the whole day, and I thought I made a really bad judgement call.

But then I thought, "Maybe I did what Hashem wanted me to do today." (more-or-less)

On another note, I was wondering:

As a lust addict, I feel that I might tend to be romantic with my wife, even if we're not really up for it--too tired, too worn out from taking care of sick kids.

On the other hand, this is an important part of marriage.  I would think that even NORMAL people who have lots of little kids to take care of have to sort of push themselves in order that they don't neglect this.

First of all, is this correct?  And if so, how can you know if you're pushing for it because you're an addict with a warped perspective, and how do you know if you're pushing for it is completely reasonable despite difficult circumstances?

You can bite the bullet, tell your wife that you love her and then ask her what she really wants to do together this evening and accept it as your priveledge.
If you have trouble with that (which is perfectly natural for us types), call a safe friend who will understand you and just admit it straight out. Then thank him for listening and get back to really loving your wife.

PS. I did this kind of thing for a long time, and life was acceptable....and when it finally hit a snag, we were both ready to communicate and let eachother know what we each like. Then we worked it out together with Hashem's help.
We are still far from perfect, but are generally acceptable and useful to eachother, and love eachother more every year, for sure.
For me, that's sobriety.
The old way was just plain hell.

Keep on rocking eye. Im learnig so much from all that you write.

And Rebbi you may be far from perfect, but at least your far. Some of us arent even far................................ :-[ :'(

imtrying25 wrote on 06 Jan 2010 23:06:


Well, if you got yourself one of those golf-carts instead of a walker....

Today is day 69.  This last 30-day stretch felt like it was going to be so difficult.  Maybe that had something to do with those really rough times.  The antidote basically seemed to be--live in THIS MOMENT.  Forget about what just happened a minute ago, and don't think about what's going to happen in another minute.

But, looking backwards, these past 9 days haven't really been so bad.

I've had a couple of little slips recently.  But I catch myself and say, "Hey, you're an addict!  If you keep this up you're going to fall!!!"  And then I stop quick.  I used to think, "Well, a little bit won't hurt."  And then I would keep on going until I fell.

I ran my question by my wife.  She gave an answer:
She thinks every couple reaches a point where they say, "Hey, it's been too long already."  But, whether you're an addict or not will determine how you deal with it.  The normal way to deal with this is to say, "Okay, it's been a while.  What can we do to manage this situation?"  And it may take another couple of days to work things out.  An addict will say, "It's been so long; we've gotta just go ahead with it already!"

Eye, I learn so much from you. I see you as my 90 day mentor!

Thanks for your posts, and especially for your honesty.