I updated my chart a little while ago.  I forgot if today is day 63 or 64.

I'm feeling much more hopeful now.

I still feel like I'm struggling not to do anything that will trigger myself.  For the past month I felt like I was in a much stronger place.

As long as I don't forget I'm an addict, I feel like I will be okay.

  --Eye.

There was a discussion here a while ago about "pas b'salo."  Whether this struggle is harder for a married guy or for a buchur.

I'll just say that "pas b'salo" doesn't make one bit of a difference for an addict.  To my own surprise, I would even act out while trying to reassure myself, "hey!  pas b'salo!"

Secondly, if you're married, the issues become much more confused.  You can think you're doing the greatest mitzvah, but you're REALLY just feeding your addiction and abusing (and accusing) your wife.

If you're a buchur, you know that if you did anything lust-related, you shouldn't have done it.

Frankly, I think if a buchur overcomes this addiction, he's STILL going to have to work on the marriage aspects of this addiction after he's married.  BUt, it should probably be easier then.

  --Eye.

63?? 64?? 65?? It don't matter, you're somewhere in the stratosphere!!!

KUTGW!!!

I make sure I tell myself and G-d I am addict 10-15 times a day, if not more.  KUTGW!!! 

Have a GREAT shabbos!!!

Hey Eyeballer whats up. Ive got what to respond to what you wrote earlier, but i thought i explained it to you when you were by my place ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???

Eye.nonymous wrote on 01 Jan 2010 07:38:



If you're no longer feeding the addiction by looking elsewhere (or otherwise) I maintain that being married is a big advantage.  Of course, marriage comes with its own set of challenges, as any married man can tell you!  

Today is day 65.

No major insights to report.

I just try to keep in mind I'M AN ADDICT, AND I'LL NEVER BE SAFE."

Though I had a few weeks when I felt like a completely different person, now I'm just trying not to do anything that will be a trigger.

As a whole, life really is much better.  I shouldn't forget this.  (Maybe the problem is I've just started getting used to this a little)

I feel like the first steps are the most reliable--stay FAR away from triggers, don't think about this struggle too much and just get on with life, and take it one day at a time.  Maybe sometimes I have greater realizations, but I think real success in this struggle is just to stick faithfully to these simplest of guidelines.  No matter how you're feeling.

Also, I'm trying to talk to Hashem a bit more often throughout the day.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 03 Jan 2010 13:38:


This is unbelievable because I feel exactly the same way! The "high on life" feeling I had is wearing off.
I am reminding myself today to stick with my routine, stay way from triggers, and that my life was much worse before I started this even though at the moment I don't feel "high" with how I'm acting now.

Excellent points - hashem gives us an extra burst of good feeling as we start, but as time goes on, that wears off, and it's up to us to do the hard work to bring back that same feeling...

We've all heard that 1,000 times before, but that makes it no less true - and no less easy to forget...

Keep on rocking dude. And although you dont still have the "high" its through the lows that we show our true colors. So keep on trucking.

Kepp it up.  I am so happy for you that you have made it to 65 days.  Give yourself to G-d and go from there.  Your inspiring me more and more each day.

Today is day 66.

One other thing I'll add--when trying to focus on other things, if possible, I have found it helpful to also try to ENJOY them.  I think this keeps the "urge" a bit further away.

If I am preoccupying myself with life, but mainly as a tactic to escape the "urge," then I think the "urge" stays really close behind.

--Eye.

Focus on actually living...

Great point.  Don't just live.  Enjoy your living too.  KUTGW!!!

How about just " living it up"?? :D :D :D :D :D