guardureyes wrote on 16 Dec 2009 16:01:
I was told that i'ts written that an Olah is mischaper on hirhurim. As far as the sgeulahs are concerned, I find they have a lot of power, but only after one gets the motivation to quit, and the confidence in themselves that they can do just fine without the lusting. And for anyone I have ever met, that takes friends, meetings, writing, and prayer.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 17 Dec 2009 13:51:

Reb Eye - This made me laugh hard - not a derisive laugh, c"v, but one of bitersweet, stupid memory. You describe exactly the way my  body (that's what I call it) racts to a woman smiling. First of all, she usually isn't just "smiling" - she is smiling at me. (Ha!) Second, she isn't just being pleasant and normal to me but wants me. (Ha!!) Thirdly, if I lust a while, I believe it's because in the back of my mind it is only because I (secretly - shhh!) entertain it as a real possibility that she is somehow lusting after me. Lusting to be lusted after.
The whole thing is totally NUTTY!!!!!! (the word "GOOFY" feels better, though). Nu. That's the way I am. No use struggling or trying to deny it. The only thing that matters is what I'll do with it.
And that's why I love the the next thing you wrote so much:




If that isn't nutty thinking, what is? (I love your clarity and honesty here!!). You are very fortunate. You are double fortunate because you are good-hearted enough to not wish ill on her. So, if she ever becomes an issue for you again I'd hope that you'd daven to hashem for her health, sholom bayis, freedom from money and children tzaros, for Hashem to help her and her husband have a true relationship with eachother rather than one based on lies and deciet - for honesty between them and real togetherness in this life. Oh, and to come to know Hashem closely and truly, in the way only they are destined to know Him - for each of us have a unique chelek in Torah, which means understanding of Hashem. In short, daven for her for everything that you believe is good for a person. This way, any lust will be a trigger for a positive, giving activity that will leave you healthier and less self-absorbed than you were before you felt that temptation to lust! Good deal, no? :D



Now, that's a gem to me, too. When I lust it's because life isn't fulfilling enough for me, not exciting enough, whatever. It's nuts!!! One, (my life right now) is real and the the other (fantasy and my 'James Bond' acting out) is fake at best! The real thing is slipping away every second I take to wish it'd be different! Waaaa!!!!!
I answer the nutball thinking with a calm look at my life. No deep cheshboinos, life-changing planning or resolutions. No.
It means specifically this: What can I do better for the people around me today? Period. That is all that matters. That is the crux of the third step. (Others includes Hashem: "rei'acho ve'reia avicho" -mishlei - my Best Eternal Friend, and He seems to be of the opinion that we need to do for people as much as we do for Him. Half the luchos ben odom lachaveiro, you know...)
And it works 100% of the time to improve my own life and keep me out of trouble....oh, with help from my friends. Can't do it alone.

All i can say EYE is that..........YOU ROCK THE FREAKIN HOUSE. And please dont be mad at me for keepin you out so late. :-\

Wow, I was darshaned by Dov.  I feel so honored.  :-[

And Imtrying25, I'm not mad about being out so late.  I just reminded myself that if I wasn't at that kumzits, I otherwise would have been GlUEd to the forum until about the same time.  (I was just a little worried because I hadn't davened Ma'ariv yet.)

I've had another realization about the women on the street.

After I admitted to myself that I am getting pleasure from it, I realized that it's the type of pleasure that someone gets from drugs or pain killers.

I don't know exactly what pain it is trying to relieve or cover up.
I don't care right now; I just know I don't want to be taking drugs and pain-killers.

I'm sure the real issues will eventually come to the surface and then I'll face them.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 03 Aug 2009 10:12:


We all have an imbalance in us, it can manifest itself chemically, but mostly I like to call it for what it is, the Y"H. Ain adam choteh ela im kein nichnas bo ruach shtus. We could use the insanity plea, the way some people use the chemical imbalance plea, but ultimately that won't help us get to where we need to go, it will only let us feel less guilty for about a week or two, and then we're back to where we were. Today, scientists have found genetic markers for alcoholism, which means that some people have a chemical imbalance that makes them predisposed to alcoholism. They can blame their life on chemical imbalances and drown their life away in a bottle of peach schnapps or they can get up and make life happen. Clearly you are one of the people who chose the latter.

Keep it up!
Haba

Yeah i feel the same way. But im only zoche like once a month or something. Too bad on me.

Steve wrote on 17 Dec 2009 16:49:


Thanks Steve.  Those suggestions can really help someone get out of a pickle!

Day 50.

Still going.

50?? Did you say 50?? Wow that sounds like light years. Your just totally awesome eyeballer. Keep on rockin.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 19 Dec 2009 18:05:


Great job Eye, you're an inspiration for all of us!

Thanks IT25 and Momo.

Today is day 51.  (Like the goy who got started counting Sefira).

GEG
Go
Eye
Go!

Forgot to tell you that I love your chick and swan...
If Kutan ever returns ( :'() Im sure he'll welcome you to the farm

Thanks 7up.

I've been thinking a bit more about controlling my eyes on the street.

I was thinking some more... this is an addiction.

So, looking at women, whatever false pleasure I get out of it, is exactly the same as taking drugs or pain-killers.

I've been telling myself "I'm going to walk down this block and I don't want to take any drugs or pain-killers along the way."

This doesn't feel like the negative messages "don't look don't look don't look don't look"

I feel like I am recognizing this for what it is--somehow some sort of escape--and I am declaring that I don't want it.  I want real life, real feelings, and a real relationship.

It actually feels quite positive.

Dude im totally maskim. Chazarah always works. :D