Today is day 40.  I have now matched my previous all-time high.

I'm feeling much better today.  Thanks for all the rafua-shleima wishes.

No major insights.  Those last couple that I had are really carrying me a long way!

Baruch Hashem.

Congratulations - mazal tov!

And thank you fro letting me be a part of it!

You know that with hashem's help, you can go much, much further! And you will!

Mazal Tov, Eye!  Keep making us pay, and you'll make our day!! 

Mazel Tov on 40 days.  Keep it going. 

Glad to hear youre feeling better
b'guf
and b'neshama!

40 is WOW in gemartria!

I did have a thought about all this...

While I was working on shnayim mikra vechad targum this week, it was a great relief to read about Er and Onan and how they were "Evil in Hashem's eyes,"

And instead of feeling guilty of the same action myself,

I could feel happy that I have real hope to break free of this addiction.

Keep going and growing. 

Eye.nonymous wrote on 09 Dec 2009 22:11:


Gosh, I've been there too!

Day 44.

Oh yeah.  Happy Chanukah to everyone! 

That would be:
  :D ;D > :o 8) ??? : :-[ :-X :-\ :-*

And also:
:'(

Happy Chanuka, Eye!

You ARE the light!

Love it!!  :D

Keep going.  You are inspiring me to keep strong.

Today is day 45.

I would say another subtle improvement I have noticed.

I'm starting to get this feeling when irrelevent conversations come up.  You know, like talking about what a stupid political blunder the Prime minister of a small country off the coast of Australia did--just because it happened to be in the newspaper.

Philosophising, speculation.

And then a half hour later realizing you were engaged in a futile mental sparring match.  And feeling annoyed at wasting time on something so stupid.

BUT THEY FELT SO IMPORTANT.  Isn't it a chance to hone the hasgafa?

I'm starting to say "oh."

And that's it.  No big deal.  Nothing lost except a stupid debate and some unnecessary frustration.

Not that these discussions were hostile.

But wasting brain power on something that's totally irellevent just feels awful afterwards.

Another discovery.  Somewhere recently along my journey I had these great feelings of inspiration, which was followed by a great crash.

I decided not to try to reach for this feeling anymore, although it was invigorating.  I was working on just being even-keel.

I've been thinking that I miss it.  It felt like a greater awareness of Hashem in my life.

So I've started playing with these feelings again.

BUT, instead of trying to fly around in SHamayim, I'm trying to keep myself hovering a few feet above ground.  It's a good start.

I just read that sometimes our purpose is davka to serve Hashem from the middle of darkness (appropro for Chanuka).  So, this image of a little candle in the dark I have found to be very inspirational.

Instead of UP or DOWN, it's really both at the same time--the light of inspiration through the darkness.  And trying to serve Hashem b'simcha with both of them.