Lately I have been consumed with certain family issues.  I'll just put it this way--major religious differences with a sibling.

It is a touchy issue, and is taking up a lot of my time and thought to deal with it as best as I can.  BUT, I have found the most qualified experts on this issue, and I am deferring all my decisions to them.  I don't know what to do, and I can admit that.

So, even though this is taking up a lot of my time and thought, I actually feel like I am maintaining a high level of serenity throughout.  The situation is occupying me, but it is not eating at me.

When I made a few decisions on my own, at the beginning, I think I made a mess.  BUT, instead of looking back, because I can't do anything about that now and really I'm not to blame anyways, I tried to focus on WHAT CAN I DO NOW.  And that has been very helpful.


I see the principles of the 12 steps now, in a very serious way, coming to play in this ordeal.

--Eye.

Eye, it sounds like you have a really good attitude. knowing what is within our capabilities and what is not is something to be thankful for.

kot
zs

ps. how are the kids doing?

Just take the actions of love, that's all. Hatzlocha.

I've been really on edge lately.  At the brink of acting out, for the past few days.

There's just so many things going on.  I feel totally overwhelmed, uncertain.  Completely frustrated.  Exhausted physically and emotionally.

I feel like I'm gliding down hill.  I don't know how to surrender.  I don't know how to stop this.

As a father, husband, free-lance worker, avreich.  I feel like I'm doing very poorly in all areas.

--Eye.

May Hashem help you get some good, quiet sleep tonight, and do the best you imperfectly can along with the rest of us, all day tomorrow.

We love Reb Eye!

dov wrote on 06 Feb 2011 05:31:

definitely absolutely positively!

Hey Eye.
Checking in.
Hoping you're having a good day.

There are ups
and there are downs
don't feel sad about the downs
*big hug*
have a good week, a good month

I'm not posting as often as I used to, but I really appreciate everyone who still checks in here.  Thanks.

I am trying to do something new with my free-lance business.  I realize I'm putting in too much effort where it won't help anything; trying to take control.  Yesterday I decided that, even though there's something that seems urgent, I won't make it go through any faster my checking my E-mails more often and obsessing about it.  I'll take it easy, do whatever I reasonably can, and not let other obligations slide because of it, and if the deal doesn't go through, it doesn't go through.  I have done every reasonable effort, and Hashem can just send me something else.

I started thinking that way yesterday, and I have felt much more at ease; much less RID.

--Eye.

...also, I have been going crazy with work-related stuff and have been staying up rediculously late, like until 2am.

Then, I get up too late the next day and I'm way off schedule.

I admit, this was also a major source of RID--if not THE MAIN SOURCE right now.  I am now seriously trying to get to bed by a reasonable hour, as close to 11 as possible.  (often ends up later, but at least it's much better than 2am).  I am starting to see this is much more important; whatever I manage to accomplish after that really only turns out to be a loss.

--Eye.
 

way to go eye!

Eye.nonymous wrote on 09 Feb 2011 18:14:

Gotta love that EYE too!

That business deal in the end fell through.  I was actually relieved.

Besides that, my wife and I had a recent run-in with a particular beurocracy.  Without going into details, these people are really evil.  We tried to prepare for this, but we were out-manipulated.  We won't know if anything good came of it for a week or so.

It took me about a day or two, but I have come to terms with the experience, trying to accept that we did our best, and that Hashem is running the show.  I managed to greatly reduce my RID levels and I feel much better about it.

I have been dabbling in some Chassidic sefarim, particularly Bnei Machshava Tova and a few ma'amarim at the back of Chovas HaTalmidim.

Part of the 12-steps, achieving serenity, as I understand it, depends on becoming more aware of Hashem in everyday life.  Well, in B'nei Machshava Tova it says that, if we could develop our true senses, we would quite literally see Hashem right in front of us at all times, and that this world is a mirage--we are really standing all the time in the middle of Gan Eden basking in Hashem's presence.

I can't say I have fully integrated this into my consciousness, but it has made a little impression at least.

You know how to relax, one way is to close your eyes and imagine a beatiful scenery.  We'll, I've been trying to imagine that I really AM in the middle of a beatiful scenery, even with my eyes open, even though I'm in a cramped space with a couple of crying children.

It feels a lot different thinking, "oh no, the kids are impossible, this is hell!"  And between, "I'm in gan eden, and the kid is crying."  If you go on a picnic to a beatiful park and your kids are whining, it doesn't bother you so much.  You can handle it pretty well.  So, I'm trying to get that feeling about life all the time (or at least whenever I remember to), and I am finding it very helpful.

I think my wife thinks I have gone insane, though.

--Eye.

love you Eye!
Gut Shabbos!!

Eye.nonymous wrote on 18 Feb 2011 09:46:

sure-fire sign of true growth!

great to hear from you Eye, good for you on reducing the RID
can we come along on the picnic? is it BYOB?
have a great shabbos!