Eye.nonymous wrote on 24 Oct 2009 20:47:


Way to go!

Remember, you're often less tired after a good night's sleep, so it can sometimes work out better in the morning.  (If it's not light in the room, there's no Halachic problem, and even if it is, there are ways it can be permitted, especially considering the dreadful alternative - Hameivin Yavin).

Just checking in again.  On day 13 now.

KUTGW!

Dear friend

I just went over your thread from the beginning, Phoe your a tough fighter man!

A good piece of advice for intimacy is... helping your wife!
She will feel indebt AND usually once you start you are not so tired anymore + you get a much better sleep after that.

TU (thumb up that is, not thank you)

G

Not so much that she feels 'in debt', but she feels close to her husband when he helps.

Which is the basis of intimate relations for women.

And guess what, we men can learn a lot from them in this regard.

We can experience it, with some 'simas lev'.

k

So the secret to intimacy is scrubbing the toilets?

Checking in again.  Now on day 16.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 29 Oct 2009 12:59:

Don't jump into the deep end straight away.

Start with washing the dishes when she doesn't expect it.

By helping out, we feel closer to the person. We feel more 'part of the team'.

Don't resent it. That won't help! do as much as your able, and a little bit more each time.

But the idea is to feel closer and closer to the person, and as R' Dessler is famous for teaching, giving to the other person, or to the family unit, actually promotes the ahava.

true ahava, that is.

the satisfying type.

Which is why people would rather give then receive, as it gives them a feeling of beeing indebt.

In our case it's a good trick usualy ignored by those who would benefit the most i.e the husbands.

As the saying goes "chesed starts at home".

This is starting to feel more like a count-down instead of a count-up.

I fell again.  I just had this feeling that my whole life is skidding out of control.  No matter how hard I try, I'm always off schedule and falling behind in every area of life.  I have set reasonable goals, but even these keep slipping away from me.

I just got overwhelmed by this feeling of depression.  No control.  Hopeless.  I lost it.

Day.

1.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 30 Oct 2009 06:59:

Hey, oxymoron again?

Hey Eye.
Sorry about your fall. Really.
:'(

Keep in mind though... the road may be bumpy, but we are heading higher.

Have a GREAT shabbos!

k

Checking in again.  Clean day 3.

I'm on day 6.

My schedule has been totally out of wack, and just when it seems things might get back in order, everything falls apart again.

Today I woke up late.  I was an hour and a half behind my ideal schedule.  I was fine with it, but on my way out the door I got this sinking feeling in my heart--OH NO, I'M NOT GOING TO GET ANYTHING DONE TODAY!

I started to get caught up in it.  THEN I recognized--this is that depressed feeling that starts to eat me up, and keeps on eating me up, sometimes for days or even for a week until I eventually fall!

I thought, instead, that I'll manage to do whatever I manage, and be happy with it.  After all, I still have a full day ahead of me.  An hour and a half isn't the end of the world.

This realization cheered me up, and put an end to that sinking feeling.

I had a feeling that, at least for today, the yeizter has been defeated.

Thank God.