kol hakavod!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

what a guy!

KUTGW!




Remember that acronym? It is not in use that often anymore.

It is very applicable in this case!

OY VAY!  SOMEONE PLEASE REMIND ME THAT I'VE STILL GOT TO DAVEN MA'ARIV!

Thanks in advance.

--Eye.

The AA Big Book talks about "being on a new plane of existence," a spiritual plane.

I noticed recently, being "in my head," means that my sole occupation is thinking how I feel; am I happy, am I sad, am I feeling RID!

Something suddenly clicked.  WAIT A MINUTE!  HOW IS MY WIFE FEELING NOW!  HOW ARE MY CHILDREN FEELING NOW!

And, I realized, life is hell right now for my wife.  And here I am, just happy go lucky, trying to keep to my "schedule."

Getting out of my head means:  Being concerned instead of how other people are feeling.  Being helpful, when possible.

So, I've accepted things are out of wack now.  I may not be as productive as I would like to be.  I'm keeping up whatever efforts I can (and if there's a choice, I've been trying to be flexible with my "work" time, and trying to keep to my learning as best as possible).  And, that's okay.  And, this is probably what Hashem wants of me right now. 

I feel like I've reached a new level of serenity.  Today my wife had to schlep around all day with 2 of our kids for appointments.  She arranged to have our baby with a babysitter, and after school all the kids that stayed in town would go over to one of our friend's house.  In the past I would have been so angry that I have to schlep around and make sure our kids get to where they're supposed to.  But now, I realize my wife is doing SO MUCH MORE SCHLEPPING.  AND, she made all these arrangements so I could more or less keep to my regular schedule.  I was just so thankful for the baby sitter and for our friends.  And I called to check up on the kids, totally prepared to take them and stay home with them if it wasn't working out.

AND, then we all got home about the same time for chanukah licht.  My wife was totally wiped out.  Instead of getting all depressed and running away to escape and abandon my wife, I really enjoyed the evening.  We lit the menorahs, being very relaxed about things.  We had a little snack together.  I played some music.  THE KIDS PLAYES SOM "MUSIC" AT THE SAME TIME AND IT DIDN'T BOTHER ME! I took the kids out for a walk to see all the menorahs while my wife rested a bit, and at the same time I gave our older son (9 years old) some bike safety riding tips because he wants to start riding in the street.  I stayed calm throughout dinner, despite that the children weren't necessarily so.  I helped with bed time, and was not only calm but also happy.  It was one of thse singing and dancing bed times that I can't believe when I hear other people talk about them.  I had a bit of a shmooze with my older son (still 9) while he waited for his bed time to come around.

My wife commented, "you spoke so nicely to everyone."

I feel that this was not just an exceptional evening when I was able to be mitgaver over my selfishness.  I feel that I'm actually starting to change.

--Eye.



 

beautiful chanukah light.

wow eye! what an inspiration! (dont forget to daven mariv & say al hanisim...)

Life. Its so nice when we actually live it. Continued hatzlacha.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 01 Dec 2010 20:00:
Wow. Such a beautiful set of posts. Thanks for sharing.

Almost so beautiful that I'm tempted to stay away from the obvious question -- did you vote absentee in the 2008 US elections? I thought the Democratic party was taking credit for all change. .

Seriously, though, through you I'm starting to see the possibility for myself of true inner change, for the better. It's a nice thought. Thanks again.

I was talking with someone about this idea of changing our personalites.  He said, "Is it really true?  I can really change?"

It seemed a bit hard to believe.

So, I explained it like this:
It's very rare to find someone who is ENTIRELY SELFISH.  We all have our moments when we're motivated by self-interest, and our moments when we are truly motivated by a concern for others.

However, part of our addiction is, we tend to go in the wrong direction more of the time, and especially when it counts.

But, in essence, all we're learning to do in recovery is to activate our selfless side more often, and to operate less often out of selfishness.  And, there's a lifetime of opportunities to improve in this area.

WE'RE NOT BECOMING SOMETHING WE'RE NOT!  WE'RE JUST LEARNING TO USE A SIDE OF US MORE OFTEN, A POSITIVE SIDE, A SIDE WHICH IS ALREADY THERE!

--Eye.

nice perspective eye! thanks!

it's a pleasure reading your posts, Eye!

Buddhist hot-dog vendor to man: Yes, what you you like my son?

Man to Buddhist hot-dog vendor: Make me one with everything, please.

Vendor: That will be $4.50, my son.

Man: Well, OK, here's a 5...

Vendor: Go on your path with joy, my son.

Man: Hey, where's my change?!

Vendor: True change is within.

Man's mouth: Crunch!

Sorry...just want to be silly sometimes. You are welcome.

But seriously, in my life, only G-d gives change. I accomplish nothing but being open to the change he gives me back for my incredibly simple but occasionally excruciatingly hard work.

Was it something I said?


...where is everybody?

seems like it takes a few days to get over a Buddhist hot-dog with inner change...

ya know, false teeth, Tums, x-rays...