BH BH  I made it, today is day 90 and i have made it!

A few thoughts i wanted to share....
When I started this I was in a bad place, i knew I had to change, but even after I signed up…. I tried to do bad…and have a confession. 90 days ago, although I found this sight, and wanted to change…but I still wanted to see and be a part of things I shouldn’t be, so I also signed up as a women, set up an email address, got through all the way, as wanted access to the women’s side..to see what they think..but to be honest also to chat them up…bh guard has safety checks in place….i got an email to leave a voice message on a machine to tell that I am a women, I almost got my non jewish secretary to do it..but I decided if this is going to work for me and help make me better, I have to do it properly, so I gave up on that.

The first few weeks were a killer, my hands and eyes were actually in pain, I felt so wound up and frustrated, and lack of action from the mrs helped..
Slowly overtime this has become easier although still get it every so often, the hardest for me now is shmiras einayim in the street, its summer time, there are so many beautiful and proud women out there and I have to force myself to look away, but I know 99% that it’s the right thing to do. (working on the other 1%)

I am just a normal guy…no abuse/parental issues, pretty wife bh, who is great to me besides lack of physical relationship, which I still think helped cause this a bit, but to be honest I had big problems long before I met her. I really hope that now I have done this properly that I can continue, especially as it was not done for an ‘ellul quick teshuva guilt’ idea.

I want to thank everyone…you have been great..the zechus you all have is unbelievable…imagine…if you have saved someone from even once acting out…the reward must be amazing!!! Especial thanks to cleareyes..you really are a friend.

Recently I have been looking at a forum, which I think was mentioned on GYE, I don’t want to name it as I don’t want anyone else to go there but its all written from supposedly ‘frum’ people but the hashkafas there are so screwed up, and they discuss all intimate detail, which I sort of think is ok as I tell myself they are frum..but prob more triggers because of that…..this has been my only real internet slip…and im working on it.

Why did my 90 days come up on erev shavuos..prob as a sign that although I think iv achieved due to my 90 days….there are endless other areas I have to start working on also now….such as my learning….davening etc

For anyone who has read down to here…im sorry its so boring…but I had to write this for myself, even if no one reads it….thanks guys…..

Mazel Tov!!! Break out the...cheese cake!

Shavous is zman matan torah - but there is no mention of the torah!

So yes its nice to remeber the day we received this wonderful gift, but the true gift is everyday! This is also the lesson of sefiros haomer (counting up). The journey aint over yet. One day at a time.

MAZAL TOV!!
GUT SHABBOS!!

Mazal Tov Andrewsh!
Your story is very exciting and encouraging. Having made 90 days makes you special, a real show of strength.
Your self respect should be greater and this success will help you avoid any falls Bezras Hashem. Just know that tests may come, so be careful. I am rooting for you.

Chaim

First of all - mazal tov! You've done an incredible amount of growth, and it's clea that you're continuing to work on yourself. Awesome!

I know that I sometimes look for lust outlets, too. And I also know, deep down, that it only causes me pain, because it makes it more difficult to focus on the right things, overall.

let's keep on rocking, together!

Mazal Toiiiiv

Gevaldiggggggg!!!!!



Papapapa papa paaaa!!


Bring out the woooooooodford!!

Reason to celebrate

Bards

KOT

Yay! Mazel Tov, Andrewsh.

I've been following your journey from day 1 on GYE and you've certainly changed a hell (can I say that?) of a lot! Keep up the good work, man.

wow congratulations! Your have definitely caused a great Nachas Ruach to the one who dwells on high. May you continue to see increased growth!

I know of the website you speak of (as a matter of fact I can't even access it because it is blocked by my filter, what does  that tell you?). I think that site completely inappropriate, the way they discuss such intimate things online. There are extremely warped hashkafas their, obviously because it is not monitored in any way and anyone can post whatever their heart desires. Steer clear of that place. Not the place for a healthy Jewish Boy .

Thanks everyone....

Chaim ....the tests came already.....last night i was so close...wow ..the thought that cant lose what i have till then stopped me..i couldnt sleep and had these crazy images in my mind, which for some reason let grom over yom tov when i should have stamped them out.

Halevi....i havnt posted that much though....explain what you mean by the change, i am very interested to know how it came accross from a different point of view then me.

Zalman ..its a bad place...but seems muttar as its 'frum' and addresses marriage issues.

Bardichev..silentbattle..struggle and of course clear eyes..thanks so much

saw some of my post in the testemonial yesterday in the email...im famous!! hehe


Read a lot of garden of peace...wow its good...now have to try implement it.

Finding last few days really hard, which shouldnt be the case i thought after 90..but hope i can stay strong..the chizuk from you guys ensures that..thanks a lot

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO LET YOU KNOW, THAT IT WAS YOUR THREAD WHICH INSPIRED ME TO SET UP A FORUM ON A DAY WHICH I WAS SURE I WAS GOING TO FALL, ITS BEEN 4 DAYS SINCE THEN AND IM STILL GOING STRONG, THANKYOU INSPIRATION!