Today is day 25
I have been away, doing some good things and wasn't able to post recently.
I am working on the computer and channeling my urges into reading and posting.

For this whole period of time
I have kept clear of ANY purposeful looking at anything unseemly, and whenever confronted with a sight with sexual connotations for me (and I am overly sensitive to that) - I turn away my eyes and mind, trying to look at my Tziztis.

I am thankful to HaShem for this site and the wonderful originators and maintainers.
I am thankful to HaShem for these weeks! of cleanliness.
I am thankful to HaShem for finding sincere company on my journey.
I am thankful to HaShem for a calmer heart and mind.
I am thankful to HaShem for having more love in my heart for real people.
I am thankful to HaShem for testing my patience (many extra weeks before wife's mikve), and giving me this opportunity to serve him.

I pray to HaShem:
Help me let go and let You take care of me
HaShem Keep me from Sin
HaShem Keep me from difficult tests
HaShem Keep me calm and feeling loved

I pray every day for the Guard your Eyes - Guys

Dearest Chaim, if you keep up this attitude, you're bound to succeed!

Chazak Ve'ematz!

Today is 28
Wow! What clarity after 4 weeks of total staying away from lusting, and playing around the perimeter of lust.
I know I have to be careful to curb my curiosity, and stay away from pitfalls.
I know that I am not responsible to Check Out any material that others close to me might be involved in - because temporarily, I have to worry about my own health, before I can be strong enough to help them.
I know that I have gained much more presence, an d attention to give to my wife and family.
I know that there are others who are struggling like me, and we are pulling and praying for each other.
I know I can't let you all down.

I'm not pressured, rather much less pressured than when I was living in the LIE of a double life.

Last night was Mikve night, and I felt a sweetness that I had not felt for a long time. Maybe, I had been too involved in getting a fix of permissible lust, rather that showing and receiving love.

I appreciate any feedback

you also deserve a big bottle of woodford

http://www.refinedvices.com/newsimages/rum/woodfordreserveps.jpg

le-CHAIM!!!!!

b

your simcha lights mine and gives me koyach

Today is 32
I am doing fine, trying to internalize not being haughty, rather continually asking Hashem for help to resist getting into trouble. Let Go and Let G-d is a Great Line.

לב טהור ברא לי אלוקים

KUTGW!  Chazak Ve'ematz!

Today is 34

ואם דל הוא, ואין ידו משגת

Thanks Reb Battle for the gimatria - you have a tender heart.

Chaim, your sincerity and determination is a real chizuk to everyone here! May Hashem help you succeed in giving over your heart to Him.

Today is 35

Well I am surprised a bit that I have to watch very very carefully not to let the reins of my eyes loose. Those sights of stam female people - - not trying to hurt anyone - still attract me unduly.
Isn't that amazing? After 35 straight days - I am still human, and very sensitive!
לפום צערא אגרא

HEILIGER CHAIM

YES YOUR EYES STILL WORK

SO DO MINE

IF YOU "CATCH" YOURSELF LOOKING

TURN AWAY (EVEN SLOWLY)

DO NOT LOOK AGAIN


IT SAYS IN SFORIM HAKDOSHIM THAT WHEN ONE TURNS WAY FROM SEEING A BAD SIGHT OR EVEN FROM "STAM"

IT IS AN ESS RATZON

b

TOday is 38
I'm feeling great
I helped out a relative who is going through a tough time, and it helped me appreciate the goodness of my situation.

Keep up the good work. You are giving Hashem great pleasure tzadik!

I notice that you updated your chart manually. That's wonderful. I am putting the info here on your thread as well, so that next time you will have the links and know what to do...

We created a new "automated" 90 Day Wall of Honor chart to make it easier for everyone (it is still under construction, but it is already functional).
Click here to see the new automated chart.

From now on, you can updated yourself manually. The chart automatically keeps track of how many days you are clean and what Level you are on, each time you update.

Here are the RULES for the new chart:
- You must update yourself at least once a week.
- If you do not update yourself for over a week, your name becomes RED.
- If you do not update for two weeks, your name falls off the chart.
(Even if you fall off the chart, your name remains in our database, so you can choose to go back on the chart by logging in with your username and password and pressing "edit profile" and then selecting "Put me on the chart").

To update yourself, click here to Login.
Type in your username: ChaimChaim
The password for everyone on the chart is currently: GYE
(you can change your password by clicking "edit your profile" at the bottom)
To update the chart, choose "Still Clean" and then press "Update Chart"

We hope you enjoy this new feature. It is one of many new features that we are working on.
Please send us any remarks about the new system, or if you think something should be different or that we should add/change anything.

Keep strong!

Today is 39
keneged the 39 makos!

Thanks for the auto-update!
I appreciate the work and thought that went into it!

Even tho' the forum has a bit of group responsibility the auto-update gives me some self kavod, that I am in charge of keeping track.
I wrestled a bit with myself today on some old habits, and got out of the rut without falling.

for example:
I thought about trying to see if the filter really works, and catches stuff that I shouldn't see
- so by seeing it I would then know that the filter isn't really working so great -

(this is the type of convoluted thinking I still have in the back of my mind)

So instead I just went into this holy forum to see the latest, and proactively take charge of my thoughts and share and even hopefully  help others
Thanks for this haven of fresh healthy air!

Ah yes, the addiction tells us all sorts of lies and uses all sorts of tricks. As the saying goes "my mind tried to kill me and make it look like an accident"!

You are a great inspiration!