There are tears in my eyes  :'( thank you London, for sharing that. A soul needs to go through so much pain and cleansing before it begins to shine like yours.

B'H back to Day 3.

I'm really trying to overcome my apprehension/hesitations with the 12 Steps. I'm not so sure anymore that what i've been doing in the past will get me the results I'm looking for.

If anyone has any answers (or can point me to an answer), I would very much appreciated.

1a)  Are all the 12 Steps and their insights found in the Torah?
1b) If so, why the need to create/join a whole fellowship when the Torah can be used instead
1c) Are we trying to re-invent the wheel with SA/12-Steps (because it'll probably come out worse than what H' gave us)?
1d) If so, why can't we just use those Torah principles that are the basis of the 12-Steps as additional to our avoda?

2a) By joining 12-Steps/SA, am I putting my faith/trust in SA/12-Steps to heal me and not in HaShem and His Torah?
2b) If you say that the 12-Steps/SA incorporate putting your trust/faith in HaShem, why not just interact directly with H' instead of through the 12-Steps?
2c) Are the 12-Steps/SA viewed as replacement to what is given to us in the Torah by HaShem?

3a) Are there any harmful ideas/philosophies in the 12-Steps that go contrary to the Torah?
3b) Has SA/12-Steps lead people in the wrong direction as far as Yiddishkeit (from engagement in this Western/non-Jewish program/organization)?

4a) Are the 12 Steps accepted by the Gedolim and other Rabbis (other than R' Twerski)?
4b) Are there Gedolim that vehemently appose the 12-Steps/SA?

5a) Do I have to be 100% positive (or close) that nothing else out there will work to help me overcome addiction to start Step 1?
5b) How would someone who advocates the 12-Steps/SA respond to someone who has recovered from addiction through his determination, Torah/Mussar, and Siyata D'Shmaya?

Postal, these are all great questions and it's funny that you are asking them exactly now, because there has been an ongoing discussion about these very questions in the thread over here for the last month. Every single one of your questions was answered brilliantly there, by Boruch, Dov and London. Can you find the time to read through all 10 pages of that thread? If not, let me bring to your attention specific posts in that thread.

Read Reply #69 from Boruch on this page.
#77 on this page.
#106 on this page
And so many more great replies, but I can't look through it all now...

Also, if you have been reading the Chizuk e-mails lately, we've been addressing many of these exact questions in recent e-mails
See Chizuk e-mails 486, 487, 502, 504, 507, 510, 512...

After you've read all that I suggest above, please come back and tell me if you still have any questions...

Holy Holy Postal, what's doing? Please read "The Torah Approach" over here: rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=602.0

At the end of the post, there's a link to another post, please read that one also. And if you can give me feedback, I'll greatly appreciate it.

I think I scared him away with TOO MUCH READING  ;D

Scared....no

Overwhelmed with how much great chizuk and insightful ideas are added to this forum every day...YES!

B'H 16 days are complete!

I've been working the 12 Steps the past weeks with Back to Basics....I'm very glad I was able to get over my initial doubts about the 12 Steps. They really have a potential to work!

The 12 Steps seem like a step-by-step TESHUVAH SHLEIMA Program!

Postal, was there a back-to-basics group last Wednesday? I haven't heard from Boruch...

21 Days Completed!

Reb Guard - Yes, there was a meeting last Wednesday. I guess the dial-in info is the same and he sent us the entire text earlier so there wasn't a need for an e-mail last week. But it might have been a good idea to send an e-mail reminder (seemed like some people might have been waiting for one and not realized that the dail-in info is the same each week).

Keep up the good work. You are giving Hashem great pleasure tzadik!

We created a new "automated" 90 Day Wall of Honor chart to make it easier for everyone (it is still under construction, but it is already functional).
Click here to see the new automated chart.

From now on, you can updated yourself manually. The chart automatically keeps track of how many days you are clean and what Level you are on, each time you update.

Here are the RULES for the new chart:
- You must update yourself at least once a week.
- If you do not update yourself for over a week, your name becomes RED.
- If you do not update for two weeks, your name falls off the chart.
(Even if you fall off the chart, your name remains in our database, so you can choose to go back on the chart by logging in with your username and password and pressing "edit profile" and then selecting "Put me on the chart").

To update yourself, click here to Login.
Type in your username: PostalServicio
The password for everyone on the chart is currently: GYE
(you can change your password by clicking "edit your profile" at the bottom)
To update the chart, choose "Still Clean" and then press "Update Chart"

We hope you enjoy this new feature. It is one of many new features that we are working on.
Please send us any remarks about the new system, or if you think something should be different or that we should add/change anything.

Keep strong!

Fell again yesterday. Didn't make it past 28 days, just like last time.

What I learned...I haven't even started applying the 12 Steps and integrating them in my life. I don't know what to do when I find myself being attacked or in the middle of a slip.

A day after the fall (just like last time)....I feel much more yearning to be close to H' and more focused on my avoda than the day before the fall. I've immersed myself in richniyus and am trying to constantly talk to H' and do teshuva. But i realized that while I did all of this right after the last fall, as the shock of that fall wore off, I became less focused on H' and doing His will and become more complacent and arrogant.  Since it seems improper that it takes a fall to get me to put in the effort in avodas H' that I'm capable of, I'm going to try to continue with incorporating hisbodedus and teshuvah into as much of my day as possible...in the hope of not diminishing the effort I put in which could result again in a fall (c'v)

The goal is to not be complacent and lose focus and to constantly be asking H' if I'm doing what He wants/wills me to be doing and to constantly be doing teshuva because (just like with tefilla) one can never know what is the necessary/required amount [ so I guess keep going until H' tells you to stop :-) ]

I don't want to continue falling to teach me something that I didn't know/internalize before and I don't want to keep falling in order to continue growing spiritually.

I NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO APPLY THE 12 STEPS AND INTEGRATE THEM INTO MY LIFE...OTHERWISE THEY'LL BEING LIKE ALL THE CHIZUK/TORAH/MUSSAR THAT IS CONVENIENTLY FORGOTTEN OR ISN'T INTERNALIZED WHEN I NEED IT THE MOST!

Oh and Reb Guard,

I tried recording the fall in the new Automated Wall...but i kept getting an error.

BUT YASHER KOACH ON THE WALL'S UPGRADE!

Also...I remember there was a discussion of blocking all images on the computer. I don't remember how this is done though. Is it through K9 or Firefox?

Postal,

You were probably using your personal password.  Instead, use "GYE" as the password - it should work.

Chazak v'Ematz!

Postal, you hit the nail on the head. It shouldn't be the fall that you're trying to avoid. We need to avoid the situation where a fall is possible. A fall is just s reminder that we are not close enough to Hashem and not aware enough of our neshamah. If you continuesly work on your relationship with Hashem, then not only won't you keep needing these reminders, but you'll discover the tremendous YOU that's hidden inside.

CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!!!

Thanks battleworn...I have been neglecting maintenance and upkeeping of my fences! And I need to put in 100% of the effort i'm capable of in getting close to HaShem, not just after a fall when I need to be picked up.

While doing hisbodedus today, H' gave me such a great mushal for "letting go and letting G-d" or Steps 1-3. It may not be anything new here at GUE, but it was an "ah ha" moment for me.

When a shy/scarred/cautious little child encounters an unknown or potentially scary person/situation, he/she will immediately, without thinking, search out for their mamme/tatte and run to them as fast as they can and hide behind them. This child will cling to their mamme/tatte and hide behind them until they have been assured that they are in no harm or their mamme/tatte has removed the person/situation from harming the child.  The child re-emerges happy that he/she has someone that will always protect them and loves them so much to do whatever it takes to make sure nothing bad happens to them. And the mamme/tatte is happy that the child did the right thing and turned to them for protection since the child is incapable of protecting themselves is such situations.

So to with us when the yh is "dangling fruit" in front of us trying to catch our attention from a mile away or is attacking us from an inch away in an all-out assault. There is no thinking necessary; we just instinctively run to our Tatte in Heaven as fast as we can, acknowledging that only He can protect us for actual or potential harm and crying out to Him. Only He can remove the yh/lust from us since we are like helpless children.  Afterward, we happily emerge knowing we can always count on our Tatte and that He loves us so much. And HaShem is happy that we have done all that He asks us of us; we did good!

Oh my, Postal this is SOOOO beautiful!! Must go into a chizuk e-mail...