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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: Chizzuk! 6195 Views

Re: Chizzuk! 12 Jun 2009 11:10 #6138

  • Emes
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  • Live meetings FTW
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No, seriously, I wasn't able to hold an interesting conversation. Sure, I could discuss the morning's sugya, or that time I was m'kavein to the Maharsha (the high water mark of Yeshivah for me), but nothing to hold a girl's attention.

It was a measure of my emotional immaturity and lack of self-esteem that I couldn't find anything relating to someone else or even the rest of the world to talk about. I was shut off from and afraid of the world. It took months and a string of first dates to bring that home to me.

I remember going back to the shadchan who set me up with the one girl who had agreed to a second date, long after the event, and asking her if she remembered why the girl didn't want to see me any further. She politely told me she didn't remember that far back, and, smiling, couldn't herself think of anything that might have turned her off. But after running out of fingers counting first dates there was obviously something wrong. With me. Depressing, no?

In hindsight I was always depressed. A sort of low-grade depression stemming from that explains my behaviour and thinking all through school to the present. Withdrawn, quiet, introverted to the point of anti-social. Living in my head. It was safer than outside it.

This wasn't the trigger that threw me into full-scale, non-functioning depression. That came later. I needed something more... How about proposing to an emotionally troubled schoolgirl about ten years younger than me and then breaking it off? Would that work? It did.
Last Edit: by TzviHerschel.

Re: Chizzuk! 13 Jun 2009 22:32 #6200

  • the.guard
  • Current streak: 487 days
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Hi Emes, I updated your chart to 28 days. Please let me know if this is correct.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: by bygirl.
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