Hi.
I have a story, but Im not ready to share yet. 
Right now I want to focus on trying to not watch innapropriate material, including P and doing M.
This is not who I am and although I have struggled on and off for a while, I want to end it.
I appreciate all encouragement.

Trueme, I like your courage. I gave you a Karma point. How do you feel in general, outside of P&M. I can try to make you happier. Just you showing up here is greatness. I like hanging out with good friends. You have major courage. Nice to meet you Trueme .

Thank you AJ (For short) I feel not productive. If I get rid of internet distractions, then with Hashem's help, I can be more productive. I look to the internet as an escape activity, and Im running myself into a rut. It really needs some background explanation, but Im just not ready yet to share. I just feel Im a mini version of myself - not even that - because of my poorly used screen time.

Does that make sense?

Also, something Im observing is that it seems from different posts that Im reading that even people that can be clean for not "just" months but even years can fall right back into this mess and even worse than before. It seems like something you can never let your gaurd down from. Like no one is ever immune or even should feel confident about these things. The more fences and gaurdrails, the better. 

trueme wrote on 23 May 2025 03:08:

One can feel confident as long as one is not complacent. 

You are so appreciative trueme! You can definitely have my listening ear. So you feel unproductive, gotcha. How are you productive? “With Hashems help” I like the way you talk. You don’t have to share anything, that you aren’t comfortable with. My email is ilowx9@icloud.com if you want to reach out. Instead of doing “distractions” you can take advantage of me. Besides for nice fences and guardrails. Maybe turn on a generator. To give you strength and help you tremendously. It’s great to hear you my friend. I hope I have been a good friend as well .

I'd like to keep "prodcutivity" as general.
Spiritual and "mundane" goals.
Day 1 so far clean

Good luck then  

So far no falls.
A slip on Day 2.
By me not having access to YouTube is important.
Anyone here struggle with that? YouTube for entertainment and falling into innapropriate stuff?

Oh yes, I can relate to it to much, blocking access to it is a tremendous move to the right direction

It’s good to see you trying . It’s good to hear you trueme. We need to make sure you are happy. Good luck!

Oh you bet !! All movies pretty much nowadays have same underlining romantic motive that's what I find i got rid of it all!

I fell Im embarresed and ashamed. Innapropriate stuff (Not P but also forbidden) and M
I dont want to talk about it.
This is not the true me.

Just saying that maybe the 2 things you wrote have to do with each other 1-being embarrassed and ashamed 2- I dont want to talk about it.
Maybe If you would talk about it with some of the amazing guys here you will realize that theres nothing to be embarrassed and ashamed of!
Hatzlacha!

I would write what I have watched, but the point isn't to contest who's a bigger sinner or addict if you wanna call it the point is to get out of the isolation cave a lot of people are hiding in