I cant do the fancy quote/counter quote graphic stuff like you guys.
Can't I just be a lust addict and leave it at that? And yet I've read on this website that "once an addict, always an addict". So which is it? That's it exactly. Think of the addiction as an allergy. You have developed a sensitivity that is beyond your control. If you take that one small drop of peanut butter on your tongue, your throat will close up and you'll stop breathing. It doesn't matter how many years you wait in between exposures. One small taste and you're in mortal peril. What we are allergic to is poison, and like a heroin addiction, we crave it even tho we know it's gonna kill us, cuz we think we can can control it and stop 'one day."
Do you want to remove the desire, the need you have to lust and fantasize? The answer should be YES, or you wouldn't be here, you'd be at the Movies the whole day long looking at different Avatars.
You wanna just accept being a lust addict, fine, that's what we all need to do is acknowledge that, but we must go the extra step and recognize this addiction is an allergy, and we can never heal ourselves from an allergy. One little exposure and we fall hard and fast. I don't mean an exposure to triggers. i mean ACTING upon those triggers in the LUST way, which includes the turning for a second look, which leads us to staring longer, beginning to imagine what they are like under the clothes and then moving onto fantasy, eventually building up the sexual tension and thinking it's healthier to get relief, justifying by giving in even this one time, and we'll just hafta do better next time.
The problem we have is we think we are in control of the addiction, by controlling our exposure to triggers, etc. BUT YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF. You're avoiding triggers? Why in heaven's name are you going to the beach? Why are you going into the movies? Do you think Hollywood gives a D**M about your soul? Yeah it's exciting, and enjoyable, and a rush, BUT HOW DO YOU FEEL AFTERWARDS? And don't you think seeing even "innocent" visuals in love stories are going to awaken your desire to have what they have?
You are walking on the train tracks while listening to your head phones, and you think just by closing your eyes your not gonna get hit?
But if I were to put it down to anything, I'd say simple boredom and curiosity would play a part. Maybe it's as a result of spending too much time in isolation? Who knows. So look inside. Why are you "bored?"
What's missing? Why are you in "isolation?"
Who's missing? What are you "curious" about?
Is not SOMETHING else in life more intriguing? When you can answer those questions HONESTLY, then and only then can you get at the root of the reason of WHY you lust. Only then can you make positive steps to MOVE FORWARD toward getting those things that you are missing in a MEANINGFUL AND SPIRITUAL WAY. And when you are on THAT road, my dear friend, you'll never have to fear your peanut butter again, because you would be living a life of such profound meaning, one in which you will find all the excitement, adventure, and fulfillment you could have ever wanted.
I'm starting to think of it as an addiction/allergy. This perspective is very new to me and surely the first step on the road to recovery.
I knew you'd pull me up on the beach thing. I very rarely visit the beach but this was a good opportunity to get out with friends and I didn't feel it was right to pass up. When I think more about how I got into this situation in the first place, it all seems to come back to the fact that I've always been a bit of a social recluse. I value other people's company but I enjoy my own a little too much. Perhaps I'm lonely and simply using the internet and porn addiction as a way of medicating this loneliness? A cheap thrill to pass time? Most likely, this also has to do with why I watch so many movies.
Still, there are always going to be attractive women around. My last semester of uni is coming up and it's quite warm here - that will be a massive challenge in itself! I'd like to think that there is some way of managing this addiction that goes beyond simply shutting myself out from any situation in which women will be present. Don't we all walk a thin bridge...?