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90 Days - Bring it on!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: 90 Days - Bring it on! 12131 Views

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 05 Jan 2010 18:19 #42410

  • sci1977
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Hey Halevi, welcome to the best community in the world for addicts, GUE.  Keep on working.  We are all here to help!!  
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:22 by sunnybison31.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 05 Jan 2010 21:46 #42523

  • Steve
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Halevi, sorry about coming on so strong before. Hope i didn't scare you away... I tend to put my Nike's in my mouth a few times too often.

We're all here to support each other, and especially to respect each other's rates of growth. No One, especially me, has the right to push you faster than you want to go.

At least until we get to know you better.....  

Be kewl, jewl.
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:22 by sunnybison31.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 05 Jan 2010 23:21 #42565

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No need to apologise, Steve. I'm so glad there are people on the site like you who can set me in the right direction.

No kid gloves for me, please.
Last Edit: by avcheer.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 06 Jan 2010 03:19 #42613

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Steve wrote on 05 Jan 2010 16:10:

I cant do the fancy quote/counter quote graphic stuff like you guys.

Can't I just be a lust addict and leave it at that?   And yet I've read on this website that "once an addict, always an addict". So which is it?

That's it exactly. Think of the addiction as an allergy. You have developed a sensitivity that is beyond your control. If you take that one small drop of peanut butter on your tongue, your throat will close up and you'll stop breathing. It doesn't matter how many years you wait in between exposures. One small taste and you're in mortal peril. What we are allergic to is poison, and like a heroin addiction, we crave it even tho we know it's gonna kill us, cuz we think we can can control it and stop 'one day."

Do you want to remove the desire, the need you have to lust and fantasize? The answer should be YES, or you wouldn't be here, you'd be at the Movies the whole day long looking at different Avatars.   

You wanna just accept being a lust addict, fine, that's what we all need to do is acknowledge that, but we must go the extra step and recognize this addiction is an allergy, and we can never heal ourselves from an allergy. One little exposure and we fall hard and fast. I don't mean an exposure to triggers. i mean ACTING upon those triggers in the LUST way, which includes the turning for a second look, which leads us to staring longer, beginning to imagine what they are like under the clothes and then moving onto fantasy, eventually building up the sexual tension and thinking it's healthier to get relief, justifying by giving in even this one time, and we'll just hafta do better next time.

The problem we have is we think we are in control of the addiction, by controlling our exposure to triggers, etc. BUT YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF. You're avoiding triggers? Why in heaven's name are you going to the beach? Why are you going into the movies? Do you think Hollywood gives a D**M about your soul? Yeah it's exciting, and enjoyable, and a rush, BUT HOW DO YOU FEEL AFTERWARDS? And don't you think seeing even "innocent" visuals in love stories are going to awaken your desire to have what they have?

You are walking on the train tracks while listening to your head phones, and you think just by closing your eyes your not gonna get hit?

But if I were to put it down to anything, I'd say simple boredom and curiosity would play a part. Maybe it's as a result of spending too much time in isolation? Who knows.

So look inside. Why are you "bored?" What's missing? Why are you in "isolation?" Who's missing? What are you "curious" about? Is not SOMETHING else in life more intriguing?

When you can answer those questions HONESTLY, then and only then can you get at the root of the reason of WHY you lust. Only then can you make positive steps to MOVE FORWARD toward getting those things that you are missing in a MEANINGFUL AND SPIRITUAL WAY. And when you are on THAT road, my dear friend, you'll never have to fear your peanut butter again, because you would be living a life of such profound meaning, one in which you will find all the excitement, adventure, and fulfillment you could have ever wanted.





I'm starting to think of it as an addiction/allergy. This perspective is very new to me and surely the first step on the road to recovery.

I knew you'd pull me up on the beach thing. I very rarely visit the beach but this was a good opportunity to get out with friends and I didn't feel it was right to pass up. When I think more about how I got into this situation in the first place, it all seems to come back to the fact that I've always been a bit of a social recluse. I value other people's company but I enjoy my own a little too much. Perhaps I'm lonely and simply using the internet and porn addiction as a way of medicating this loneliness? A cheap thrill to pass time? Most likely, this also has to do with why I watch so many movies.

Still, there are always going to be attractive women around. My last semester of uni is coming up and it's quite warm here - that will be a massive challenge in itself! I'd like to think that there is some way of managing this addiction that goes beyond simply shutting myself out from any situation in which women will be present. Don't we all walk a thin bridge...?



Last Edit: by senches.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 06 Jan 2010 08:44 #42711

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Just listened to a 30 minute hypnosis track on overcoming porn addiction. I haven't been tempted since I started on my 90-day journey but I figure I can use all the help I can get. Not sure if it will make a difference but it sure was relaxing...
Last Edit: by DeletedUser15494.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 06 Jan 2010 09:10 #42714

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My fourth day clean is coming to a close. B'H I've had it pretty easy till now. The boundaries I've set are in place and the willpower is as strong as ever.

A thought just popped into my head about some of the real low points which I've experienced as an addict.

Firstly, after a long session on the internet, which on occasions led to the spilling of seed (Hashem Yerachem!), being and acting as normal as ever around family. Then the truth hits me hard - "what am I doing? I wasted something which creates such incredible life... look at how perfect and innocent they are! They don't defile themselves!"

Another low point which I've experienced on more than one occasion is being asked to daven minchah at the ammud after having wasted seed earlier in the day. I would always try and make a point of avoiding being the chazzan if I could - knowing that I was not worthy of leading the ammud. How could I, in such a state of impurity, have the gall to represent a minyan before Hashem?!?

I really have to leave this behind me. I can't live a double-life any more. I can't go back to that feeling of despair, shame, and dirtiness. It's just not worth it.



Last Edit: 10 Jan 2010 03:14 by grosskopf12.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 06 Jan 2010 11:30 #42725

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Halevi your making strides. Huge strides. And yes the guilty feelings are something we all expierence. And we hope we can put them behind us forever. So keep on hopping and youll get there!!!!!
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:22 by nogivingup.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 06 Jan 2010 15:27 #42856

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GO HALEVI GO!!

There is such a concept as "Hitting Bottom while you're on top." You DON'T have to fall any further, to be really inspired to get free from this addiction. We've all been there - know that it is Hashem who has given you this struggle, and HE is the one orchestrating the events of who you'll meet when, before, after, and during the acting out. See that He is so close to you, always, offering you his guiding hand. YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT.

Keep being brave. You are amazing!
No one is so small that he can not give help, and no one is so big that he doesn't need it.

Kol HaOlam Kulo, Gesher Tzar Meod, V'HaIkkar: Lo L'Pacheid Klal.
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:32 by freegiraffe62.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 06 Jan 2010 20:39 #43062

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Halevi,

Thanks for your encouragement...You like to think alot - whcih makes this kicking of the addiction harder...With the love and encouragemnet here I'm sure you will be successful at leading a holier life one day at a time.
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:33 by freegiraffe62.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 06 Jan 2010 23:43 #43146

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Thanks, guys.

I'm literally in tears right now after reading this http://www.vosizneias.com/29848/2009/04/06/safed-israel-from-leading-criminal-to-rosh-yeshiva/ story in today's shmiras ainayim chizuk email.

How incredible that a person should have the strength to publicly declare that he is a thief and ask for forgiveness. Just astounding.
Last Edit: by flieshigs.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 07 Jan 2010 04:51 #43222

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Halevi,


Welcome to GYE, the nicest most accepting and supportive community you will find in the WWW!
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:33 by freegiraffe62.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 07 Jan 2010 06:10 #43240

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habaletaher wrote on 07 Jan 2010 04:51:

Halevi,


Welcome to GYE, the nicest most accepting and supportive community you will find in the WWW!

Cheers, Haba.
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:34 by freegiraffe62.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 07 Jan 2010 06:23 #43245

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Shalom and Welcome Halevi!! Sounds like a you are fitting in already
Last Edit: 07 Jan 2010 16:21 by sunnybison31.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 07 Jan 2010 13:19 #43344

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Thanks, Struggla.
Last Edit: 10 Jan 2010 03:15 by grosskopf12.

Re: 90 Days - Bring it on! 07 Jan 2010 16:42 #43402

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Hey Halevi,
I'm not sure how to change the chart, but since you wanted to get your name off the forum I took the liberty of editing all the posts in your thread and replacing your old user name with your new one. If you find your name anywhere else, feel free to let me know and I'll remove it for you.
Last Edit: by wgvdrynm.
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