Day 10
had such a slip motzei Shabbos wow. Crazy. Bh I stopped in the yellow circle but wasn’t to be proud of. The next morning I was thinking to myself it’s such a slip maybe I should consider it a fall and go all the way and restart. Really was considering it but bepoel I updated my tracker to not a fall and I think it’s better this way now I can’t say screw it I’ll start Tomorrow.
I don’t know why recently I have been having so much stronger urges like constant thoughts and feelings. I think it’s an opportune time to practice not giving in and realizing they’re just fleeting feelings but sometimes it’s hard. Questioning my motivation and my reasons for change.
My Main thought that keeps on giving me a hard time is “ I already have seen it, what’s the point, I have the images in my head forever. Even if I don’t fall till I get married IYH, I will live with these images in my mind till the grave”.