bisyata dishmaya wrote on 21 Jun 2022 18:24:

Sorry for not seeing this earlier. What I wrote before was from my rebbe.
My understanding is that these children that did not come into the world do exist one hundred percent. They are there and they torment the neshama.
We exist in a physical world and do not experience them. Sometimes Hashem gives us a glimpse to what is going on in the real world. People who live their lives not dealing with what goes on in spiritual realms, Hashem does not show them what is going on. And most people in the Yeshiva system say it is better for us this way , and there is no gain to see it.
There are some people. generally people who focus on Kabbala and these ideas, Hashem gives them the opportunity to see what is going on as a result of their actions.

I hope this is helpful. If not, assume that it is due to my lack of clarity than your understanding. But either way, only if it is helping you should you focus on it. If it is paralyzing you and making it harder, than you can ignore it.

Here is the latest. Wednesday night I received very difficult/disappointing news and had strong taivos. I told myself no matter how horrible I feel being MZ"L will just make me feel worse when I'm done. BH made it through that night! The next day found out good news though not as good as I wanted although with the potential to improve.  

BH 116!

Update: BH 119! Remains to be seen if there's life after 120. Friday night woke up in middle of the night went back to sleep sometime later maybe semi conscious had inappropriate dream don't think I should consider it a fall, if you disagree let me know. It's also getting challenging walking down the street with all the inappropriately dressed frum women.

You are definitely correct. There is no fall unless you are fully conscious. Just move on from thinking about it.

BH THERE'S LIFE AFTER 120!

bisyata dishmaya wrote on 06 Jul 2022 04:43:

Phew!!

On a serious note, unbelievable that you made it so far! I see from your signature that you say the Tikun Haklali and feel it is  a great tool. Is that purely on a spiritual level or do you feel that it helps you on a physical level as well (ie. to be more mindful etc.)?

I'm not exactly sure what mindfulness is. I feel it changes it from feeling impossible to a difficult challenge. In the past I was once clean for over a year and the main tool I used was saying the Tehillim I was not even on GYE. I got overconfident and slacked off from saying it and fell pretty bad. Now I make sure to say it every day. I just do the Tehillim no other prayers like I've seen to say with the Tehillim.

Got it. Thanx

BH 123!

BH 127!

OK here's the latest. I listened to a random self hypnosis audio. Many times for an unknown reason I get an errection when listening to these stuff. I think it may be from nervousness/excitement. So I was listening to one and when I stopped I realized some drops of zera came out. Note that I don't think I was fully hypnotized because I was constantly having a niggling worry about the errection. Also the audio was a woman but she wasn't singing or saying anything remotely provocative nor was I listening to it for immoral purposes. 2 Questions 1 Is this a fall? 2 How do I listen without experiencing these stuff. (It even happens if it's one of these binaural beats where you just hear music)

Can anyone please answer the above questions please?

Why do you want to listen to these audios?  I am not very familiar with them. 

I don’t think this would be considered a fall unless you were specifically continuing with it because you were enjoying the pleasure of the erection. 

I could compare it to a similar situation in which I was describing certain things to my therapist and talking about them to my therapist excited me momentarily.  If there had been drops that emerged I would not have considered it a fall.  

However I do think that you probably should try to avoid those types of audios if possible. 

maybe someone with more understanding of what’s happening will chime in. 

I definitely was not enjoying it as I was constantly worrying about it as said in my post. I listen to these stuff because I think it's pretty cool like it's officially supposed to make you smarter have cool dreams and stuff like that if you have google I guess you can check there. The one thing that worried me was that since in the past when listening to binaural beats I got an erection sometimes although without anything coming out maybe I should've known to be more careful so maybe it is a fall?