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TOPIC: Here we go! 9865 Views

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 04:32 #382156

  • vehkam
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i am not sure what you are referring to. if its happening to you, i am sure it is happening to some others too. just not sure what "it" it...
sorry!
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some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 04:36 #382157

  • bisyata dishmaya
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It's when before you fall asleep you feel yourself being attacked by demons and see horrifying visions and feel paralyzed. Rabbi Yaron Reuven says it comes from these aveiros i.e. it's the "children" from the zera levatala. and I see that for myself since the longer I go without doing it the less frequent it becomes.
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!
Last Edit: 20 Jun 2022 04:36 by bisyata dishmaya.

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 10:56 #382163

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If your horrifying visions are pornographic in nature, you are normal. It is your subconscious at work. For years we trained ourselves to use this garbage as our relaxation/release machine. Wind down times, like going to sleep, sometimes need some "help". Often, our minds head to the default setting we set up for many years, of fantasizing leading to physical release, which is how we calmed down and pacified ourselves. BH as time goes on keeping our eyes and minds clean, the frequency and intensity of that default setting weakens. 
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 13:00 #382165

  • bisyata dishmaya
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They are not pornographic visions. It's hard to describe them.
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 13:08 #382166

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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bisyata dishmaya wrote on 20 Jun 2022 04:36:
It's when before you fall asleep you feel yourself being attacked by demons and see horrifying visions and feel paralyzed. Rabbi Yaron Reuven says it comes from these aveiros i.e. it's the "children" from the zera levatala. and I see that for myself since the longer I go without doing it the less frequent it becomes.

It is difficult for me to understand how an approach that involves thinking about kabbalistic children from these aveiros which were done בגדר אונס could be productive.
The messorah I received from my rebbeim, and that is מסתבר מאד, is to leave kabbalah on the sidelines for a couple decades until you're keeping all of שולחן ערוך ומפרשיה בדקדוק. Then you can start thinking about kabbalistic children from aveiros, if you choose to.
Keep on shteiging!
If you are wondering why you can't stop masturbating even though you're guarding your eyes, it's because you're fantasizing.

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 16:05 #382170

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What do you mean by ones? Thinking about them or not they're still haunting me. 
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 17:19 #382173

If your talking about p dreams I can’t give you an exact number but it’s not too long after you stop. I know that for me sometime before I reached 90 days (from just masturbation, I was unfortunately still watching porn) the dreams went away. I also relapsed recently in regards to masturbation and have been looking at shumtz more often but the dreams haven’t come back. 

Edit: 
I sometimes have dreams during the day when I fall asleep then that might be similar to what your describing. I’m able to see my surroundings, like my bed and everything in my room that is visible from my bed, but I’m not able to move even if I try numerous times. I am able to feel like I’m moving, like when I try to get up I feel like I was able to get up and that I’m sitting up on my bed but when I open my eyes I’m still lying down. And when I move my limbs in that state they feel like they been moved but the movements feel way to “light” to be real and when it comes to arms that I would be able to see if I move them overhead it’s the same thing except I can see that they aren’t moving. The way I’ve gotten out of such states is by “falling asleep again” even though it feels like your awake. And that part is/was a little scary for me because the feeling that accompanies that is like that of “giving into” something unknown (it's like falling asleep instantly) but that’s the only way I can get out of such states. I had the last one not too long ago even though I still take naps during daytime on some days. I feel like they’ve went away and I have no idea how to go avoid them/get rid of them so I can’t offer much than that.
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Last Edit: 20 Jun 2022 20:27 by To Yosef Hatzaddik.

Re: Here we go! 20 Jun 2022 21:16 #382182

  • bisyata dishmaya
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I can hear why you think it's similar though I see you don't mention seeing anything horrifying. Another thing that happens during these events is all sounds in the room get blocked out but when the event finishes with my eyes being closed the whole time I can then hear the sounds in the room again.
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 21 Jun 2022 11:22 #382202

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sleepy wrote on 21 Jun 2022 04:19:

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 20 Jun 2022 13:08:
"5Uu80*cdwB#^" post=382166 date=1655730533 catid=4

why is zera livatala from masterbation bigeder o'nes?

According to Rabbanim, guys that were introduced to this stuff in younger years (which includes teenage years) actually suffered a sort of trauma - confusion about the adult world which had up until that time represented to them safety, security, and predictability. Now they saw a different side to adults and subconsciously are wondering if their parents, rebbeim, policemen, grocery store owner, etc engage in the bestial behaviors seen.  Therefore, the "compelled need" to see it again and fantasize about it while masturbating comes from a most unhealthy place and should be viewed as a type of mental illness. A strange effect of experiencing trauma is to actually crave "going back to the event/perpetrator again". That is why so many otherwise healthy chevra that excel in so many areas of yiddishkeit and general life, describe complete loss of control regarding viewing and masturbating. Although the actions are b'geder aveira, most guys are b'geder onais - this is the opinion of gedolei haRabbonim.   As an aside, that is why "doing teshuva" is only appropriate once one has stopped, regained control, and can view himself positively. The advice given by one of the Gedolei Roshei Yeshiva is to wait at least two years of being clean, and in many cases it takes longer than that. As long as there are remnants of disease, teshuva will unfortunately bring him down by rehashing the (incorrect) script that he is a bad guy.  And in reality, once one has stopped, all three components of teshuva took place - especially if the guy reached out for help and was mekayem the vidui chelek numerous times....

I have spoken to numerous Roshei Yeshiva, Rebbes, Rabbonim, and mechanchim. I have heard the viewpoint stated above "across the boards". If there is a da'as yachid who disagrees, so be it. However let's face it - our boys growing up in this generation are facing this challenge in an unprecedented way that nobody in history did. They need our chizuk, and if Gedolei Yisroel say there is genuine chizuk available, let's opt for that.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Here we go! 21 Jun 2022 11:33 #382204

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A clarification - The teshuva that i am referring to (to wait to do), is "the heavy stuff". Obviously, a guy who is on GYE, or in any program, and is breaking away from this garbage is doing teshuva already.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Here we go! 21 Jun 2022 13:55 #382211

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These visions that you are experiencing are there by everyone who has done these aveiros, as you explained from Rabbi Yaron Reuven. Just most people who do not live dealing with them will generally not experience them. They only come to torment people who deal with them, but they exist by everyone. And you can't tell someone who does to stop believing or deal with them. It is not a bad thing, just a way of you experiencing the results of what you did. It is not to paralyze you, but an impetus to do teshuva, when you realize what your actions created. They only go away after teshuva, which is after you stop struggling with this issue, not just when you stop doing the aveira.
The first stage of teshuva is stopping the aveira. Now there are levels of teshuva, see Rambam Hil' Teshuva or Rabbeinu Yona in Shaarei Teshuva for more details.

Re: Here we go! 21 Jun 2022 18:24 #382224

  • bisyata dishmaya
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Yissie wrote on 21 Jun 2022 13:55:
 Just most people who do not live dealing with them will generally not experience them. They only come to torment people who deal with them, but they exist by everyone.

Please explain what you mean by that.
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 01:14 #382436

  • frank.lee
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Hi Sleepy! I think you may well be considered begeder Ones, but i don't know your background or circumstances and I'm not a Rabbi...

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 17:37 #382469

  • bisyata dishmaya
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111! 1 day at a time!
The best tool in my opinion: Every day say Tehillim 16 32 41 42 59 77 90 105 137 150 Hatzlocha!

My Thread guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378555-Here-we-go!

Re: Here we go! 26 Jun 2022 18:19 #382472

  • frank.lee
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@sleepy I think there is an idea that after certain actions, we lose our bechira on certain thing and our nekudas habechira moves over.

One thing is for sure - Hashem Loves you!!
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