Hashem gave me an opportunity to get out of isolation, and I took it. I feel much better now. 
thank you committed and avrohom for the encouragement- it really means a lot me.
Day 12 is clean...

on to day 13!!!

day 13

going great thank G-d.
my 90 day counter seems to be a day ahead…

2 weeks clean!!

i slipped and gave in to the “just a little bit cant hurt” temptation. But i told myself that its just not worth it and i stopped. 
still having urges - i need to get through this!

Keep it up! I think the important thing at this point is to keep your mind away from it all all times. Hanging on to it mentally is what messes us up. The urges do get better, BEH

its day 15 outside and the sky is looking pretty clear.
last night was a little rough but thank G-d for roommates.

It gives me so much joy and chizuk to hear this

very special from you, that is very much strength.

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 21 Dec 2021 19:57:

there seems to be an unexpected chance of thunderstorms.
hopefully they’ll just pass by…

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 22 Dec 2021 01:17:

Acknowledge their existence, recognize that it's an outside urge - and let them pass, hopefully they'll continue by without bothering you anymore.
Keep up the great work and great attitude!

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 22 Dec 2021 01:17:

they did

hi
its day 16.
feeling good.

im in a sort of dilemma right now regarding shmiras einayim/halacha/hashkafa. i really need to speak to someone about it.

that would be in an ideal situation where i had someone to speak to. 
though there are rabbeim i can technically speak to, ive never done that kind of thing - ive never developed a relationship with any of my rabbeim to the hadracha level.

im not an open person by any means, and this is a very difficult thing to do in my mind.
but i know that i need to do it. i need guidance no matter how many times i tell myself i dont.

sometimes i wish things were simple. 

but thats life.

I wish I had talked to my rabbeim about this back in yeshiva. 
To force yourself to discuss these issues. Go to one of these rabbeim and ask if you can talk at some time. Thats it. What happens next will flow from there, out of your hands, for now all you have to do is this one easy thing.
As for the actual conversation, for now just think up something brief. More can come later when you feel like talking more. Or the conversation makes you more comfortable with talking more. But you might well not be the first person who has come to him with this issue, he may know what to say and ask.

retrych wrote on 23 Dec 2021 20:13:

yea… i have to just go for it… 

Its currently day 17, and im feeling jittery. seder is soon so i’ll be fine.

Yes, definitely go for it. Realize letting someone know about your situation is itself a Nisayon of the greatest magnitude. Think of the incredible accomplishment of this one act. And realize , as I saw quoted here (forgot by whom) sometimes the only Bechira we have is to reach out for help. It's not a weakness, it's a strategy to fight the Yetzer Hora like any other. Let us know how it goes - my guess is that after the first minute, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much easier it is than you thought, and how free and unburdened you'll feel.