Vehkam wrote on 18 May 2022 13:07:

Thanks for the offer. I may take it up one day

Hashem Help Me wrote on 19 May 2022 11:16:

I can definitely identify with the middle paragraph, a default setting of negativety.

Shortly after the above post I reach 90 days, and I promptly fell. since then I've been falling every 7-10 days. So where does that leave me?

I've decided I really want to be clean, I really like that life, I know there's a lot I'm going to have to do to obtain that, but I will start with the following:

I need (currently) to spend every day significant time on recovery. When I say every day, I mean every day. Would I do better going to some sort of meeting? Probably . But fir now I will go with this.

I will spend 30 minutes to an hour a day on recovery. Every day (aside from shabbos, and shabbos i never fall anyway, as I only fall with porn) Every day I will either be
1. Working a program (ideal)
2. Listening to recovery recordings3. Reading recovery books.

Currently I'm listening to the daily reprieve podcast (it's SA) and reading man interuppted (by Phillip zimbardo)

However we human beings can easily mistake consumption for progress. As in, well if I'm listening to a podcast, I'm probably getting bettr right? Not necessarily. So to bring it home, ideally I will talk to chaverim, but regardless to make sure I'm getting something out of the "consumption" I will be making anothr thread where I will BE"H post every day something I learned.

How long will this last? Who cares I just need to know that today this is what I'm going to do.

The new thread http://guardyoureyes.com/forum/2-What-Works-for-Me/382646-My-Daily-Inspiration

Don't know if this makes sense, but it's making sense to me right now.

Only once a person has admmited he is powerless (however you translate that),  he can begin to live one day at a time.

Your thoughts?

Yes. It is true. As soon as one relinquishes control to someone other then themselves there's no more constant anxiety about "what's ganna be" "what if" "how will i" we become calm more mindful and more in the moment AKA more worried about the here and now then the past and future, because its anyways not in out hands.

Don't know if this makes sense, but it's making sense to me right now.



Only once a person has admmited he is powerless (however you translate that),  he can begin to live one day at a time.



Your thoughts?Seems like thoughts are hard to come by nowadays on gye. I admit I'm part of the problem. 

Hakolhevel wrote on 06 Nov 2022 02:44:

I personally have a bit of trouble resonating with the powerlessness idea. If we are powerless then what does that say about the choices we make and how they matter? Asking just because I'm curious to hear your thoughts and because you asked for thoughts . Most important though is not what others think of an idea, but whether or not it works for you.

I guess it makes sense that the two go hand in hand . If I’m planning a longer period of time than essentially I’m saying that I’m in control , if I want to be powerless I can’t look past tomorrow .
Not sure if this makes sense but you asked …

Iman. Yes I was thinking along those lines.​CTG - powerless is generally defined (to my knowledge) as the ability to control.​For example, I am not a alcoholic, incan choose to enjoy one cup of wine or 5 or 10, it's pretty much always within my control.​A alcoholic, it is not, he takes one drink now he needs a few mmore until he's drunk, like me with lust, I see some article about ... now I look up more until I end up at the end porn and masturbation.Moreover, i use porn and masturbation in onjectively unhealthy ways (staying up late at night, even when injabe deadlines the next day). I use it in ways thatbare clearly harmful to me, yet i dont stop because i am powerless to control it - lust. Much as the alcoholic with alcohol.​  ↵Iman. Yes I was thinking along those lines.​CTG - powerless is generally defined (to my knowledge) as the ability to control.​For example, I am not a alcoholic, incan choose to enjoy one cup of wine or 5 or 10, it's pretty much always within my control.​A alcoholic, it is not, he takes one drink now he needs a few mmore until he's drunk, like me with lust, I see some article about ... now I look up more until I end up at the end porn and masturbation.Moreover, i use porn and masturbation in onjectively unhealthy ways (staying up late at night, even when injabe deadlines the next day). I use it in ways thatbare clearly harmful to me, yet i dont stop because i am powerless to control it - lust. Much as the alcoholic with alcohol.​  ↵Iman. Yes I was thinking along those lines.​CTG - powerless is generally defined (to my knowledge) as the ability to control.​For example, I am not a alcoholic, incan choose to enjoy one cup of wine or 5 or 10, it's pretty much always within my control.​A alcoholic, it is not, he takes one drink now he needs a few mmore until he's drunk, like me with lust, I see some article about ... now I look up more until I end up at the end porn and masturbation.Moreover, i use porn and masturbation in onjectively unhealthy ways (staying up late at night, even when injabe deadlines the next day). I use it in ways thatbare clearly harmful to me, yet i dont stop because i am powerless to control it - lust. Much as the alcoholic with alcohol.​  ↵Iman. Yes I was thinking along those lines.​CTG - powerless is generally defined (to my knowledge) as the ability to control.​For example, I am not a alcoholic, incan choose to enjoy one cup of wine or 5 or 10, it's pretty much always within my control.​A alcoholic, it is not, he takes one drink now he needs a few mmore until he's drunk, like me with lust, I see some article about ... now I look up more until I end up at the end porn and masturbation.Moreover, i use porn and masturbation in onjectively unhealthy ways (staying up late at night, even when injabe deadlines the next day). I use it in ways thatbare clearly harmful to me, yet i dont stop because i am powerless to control it - lust. Much as the alcoholic with alcohol.​

Gye is a little off the wall right now (I mean the website) so I'm notnquoting, buy committed to growth, here is my specific responseNow that I defined powerlessness in a different post, to get to your quest6, what does it mean to me :)So in context here, I guess I may be looking around powerlessness different.As long as I am focused on being clean forever aka powerful? It's a very lofty goal that I give up on pretty quickly.As soon as I accept, I have no idea if I can be clean forever, I don't know and don't care if I have that power aka powerlessness. Well, now I say, I do care though To live a nice clean life today, I don't care If this will last forever, it makes no difference, today which life is better?​is this working for me? Time will tell

Hakolhevel wrote on 08 Nov 2022 05:28:

Ah okay that actually does totally resonate, thank you for sharing!

Post YT rambling thought.

We as human beings tend to seek a single solution to our issues. Take this one pill, eat this one food, do this one trick ect

The truth is single solutions are usually not solutions.

What do I mean?

I see a lot of guys on the saying things like. If i just get a filter I'll be good. If I just made a promisw to charge myself one million after acting out, I would be clean.
Injust need good motivation. I need to talk to more friends. I need to change ky life style and learn more. I need to get a therapist...

All of these may be true, but one most likely needs a multi pronged aproach (as I think f2f program presents as well)

Motivation is great, but on a week day, motivation will not need be enough, you will needs tools. Motivation and tools both may not work if lifstyle is no good. But changing lifestyle alone also wnt help you in a week moment.

Sonas I see it, you need at leastMotivationToolsLifestyle
I Can generally pin all my faliures to a lack in one or more of those areas.

End of ramble.

Also, another thing you are 100% correct about is that  your behavior is not normal behavior - for a person who wants a good life. If you got what you're lusting after, you'd add soooo much more craziness into your life than you already have. That's a sign of a messed up way of thinking and living life, chaver. You're right. All the patting on your back saying that "you're normal," contradicts the facts - Dov

skeptical wrote on 13 Feb 2013 21:32:

What happened to skeptical?