Hi Guys,
I have (stupidly) neglected this forum because I was simply overwhelmed by the amount of new material on here on a consistent basis. I started my 90 day trip last year on November 20th, and I'm doing the same this year. I've set up my cell phone in such a way that I will be able to send and receive calls for free so I can call my partner and call the phone conferences for free.

Today, Shabbos, was day 2. Let the chizuk flow, because this will NOT be easy. I'm reaching for a new plateau compared to last year. I fully believe that when faced head on with temptation, I am completely powerless. I become a shell of myself, completely out of control. I know though, that if I never give up and I take the right steps, I will win the war despite the lost battles. Signing off,

Ano

Yay! Ano's back. We missed you, bro!

Guys, this is one powerful and holy Neshama. We started the 90-Day chart last year in his honor (See chizuk e-mail #346 on this page). He was the first guy on the 90 day chart. And he seems to have a real spiritual connection to that chart because each time he hits a milestone something new happens in his life or with the chart. He hit 90 days on his 20th bday. He hit half a year on Yesod She'beyesod during Seffirah -and we made the personal 90-day chart then as well. And now, he's coming back on the very day that I am about to announce the new automated "Wall of Honor"! (until now, only the 90-day chart was automated). As a matter of fact, in honor of his post I will post the link here for the FIRST TIME (it's not fully ready yet, and we need to import some of the names, like ano, but I hope within a day or two it will be fully functional).

But remember one thing, dear Ano. We can't do this alone. We must get out of isolation. Do that with your partner, with this forum, with Duvid Chaim's group - and maybe even with a live SA group... We can't go it alone. And the more we help others, the more we get out of our head and help ourselves too!  

Don't be overwhelmed by all the new info. After all, even I don't get to read many posts here days, and this is my full time job!  :D Just post about your own journey, and when you have time, post chizuk to others. Do it when you can, where you can, and to whomever you want. Never let the "perfectionist" attitude of "all or nothing" take the forum away from you. It is a life-line of chizuk and ahavas yisrael!




That's really great. (Hey, can you post more info on this? I think I could become a millionaire with the info    ;D)

You can do it!

Today is day 3. One of my resolutions is that I'm going to do my best to post here every day, even if I have nothing to say. Simply coming here and reading a few posts is a huge boost, and it really helps me. Last year, I was being constantly attacked by lust, and was a heavy "user". It was an everyday pastime, and sometimes many times a day. I never considered it abnormal, because I had great excuses, such as "My friends are doing it" and "it's healthy for you," but somehow it just didn't feel right. I came here, got 7 months clean, and every day was a battle. Then it got easy, and I relaxed my guard. I started slipping veeeery gradually. So gradually, in fact, that I hardly noticed. But I finally decided after falling twice in one day last week that enough is enough. Even if I "only" need a drink once in a while, I cannot life like that, and that inevitably it would get worse if I let it keep going. So I'm back here for round 2. I don't feel AT ALL as if I'm "starting over." I thought of a good analogy today. Some of you may remember "Super Mario Land" on the original game boy. It had 12 levels, which you could beat in a couple hours if you were good enough. When you beat all 12, you could keep playing, starting from level 1, but every level had new monsters and other challenges that were not there before. You could tread the same 12 levels, which all looked the same, and still keep getting stronger because if you didn't, you'd lose. So with Hashem's help, I beat "round 1" of the game, and now I'm playing round 2, which is at once just the same and very different. I hope that moshol made at least a wee bit of sense. Signing off for today,
Ano

It made alot of sense Ano. Im pretty new here so i guess i doesnt pas for me to give you a welcome. Also it seems youve been here before. For all of us who played gameb ;)oy especially those of us who were good at it we j=know exactly what your talking about. So hatzlacha on round 2. I give you a beracha you should never havet to do round 3.

Amen! :D

Great post Ano. Very true. Very true.

Today is day 4. As I said, this level is more difficult but it's also easier in some ways. Instead of loads of little bad guys that I need to kill (mario analogy again), I now get just a couple really strong monsters here and there. Most days are completely lust free. That is what I meant when I said I'm playing the game through again. It is very different than it was before.
I am being mekabel on myself now that I will not start dating (I'm still young, not even 21 yet) until I have at least a full year clean. How's that for a good incentive?

I aint no professional but i think its a bit risky. I dont want to go furthr because theres to many what ifs. Al tiftach peh l'satan! But i think you should think it through. Or maybe discuss is with someone. Maybe Dov. But i wish you alot of hatzlacha.     

I'm not sure what you're saying is risky. If you're referring to not dating without a large amount of time clean, I don't think that's risky at all. I think it's only fair to myself and even more so to the young woman involved.

No what i mean is what if you dont make it. At some point youll have to date. Now of course its only fair to her if your clean. But what if you dont Ch'v. Then youll start dating youll be down cuz you couldnt make it and it might just spiral out of control. I dont want to take away from your incentive but i dont think its smart to make it into a "make it or break it". Sorry if i sound a little hard but its just my two cents. thats what i meant by the "what ifs".

Welcome, Ano!

I think it might take more courage to come back after being away for so long than it does to come here for the first time.

Hatzlacha,

  --Eye.

imtrying25,
I totally understand your concern, but to be perfectly honest, I don't think it's correct to say "at some point you'll have to date." I wouldn't consider dating if I didn't have any means to support a family (although in this "everyone should go to kollel" generation people don't seem to worry so much about this because they just have "bitachon"). Likewise, I should not consider dating if I don't have the emotional means to support a wife. I think this kind of behavior qualifies as a "lack of emotional means to support a wife." Just ask the guys here who are married how this affected their relationships with their wives, as well as what it was like when she found out about it.

Today is day 5. I discovered a problem with the system I set up to get into the conference calls for free, but I found a way around it. I called in today for the last 20 minutes or so, and it's definitely going to be something I do often. I do plan on writing a guide for those living in the United States who would call in but can't do so because of the cost. Those who can dial in from a home or voip line don't have a problem, because they have unlimited minutes, but those who, like me, only have a cell phone, need to find a way to make the call free. It can be done for most carriers, so I will write up that guide when I can. I spoke to my new partner today, and I think we will both find this very helpful and therapeutic. I love when people comment in my thread, even with criticism, so feel free to sling mud my way!! :D

Another example of your powerful determination! AMAZING.

See this page from Rabbi Twerski on dating.

Im really sorry if i came acroos that way. Didnt mean it in a bad way. Now im married and i fully understand what this does to a marriage. What im saying is that if we make our goals to high and then not reach them sometimes it turns out for the worse. Now im not saying that you cant make it. Im just saying to be careful. But it seems youve got alot of determination so Kol Hakavod. Hatzlacha. Im also real happy that you got yourself a partner. I sent an email ages ago and havent recieved one yet. I can see how it can really help.