cordnoy wrote on 30 Dec 2016 01:36:

they were on your' thread tryin page 58 ish i think

I don't think there is an answer to my question/difficulty.
Anything that is an aveira, you can't just say I'll do it once in 2 months,
as much as I want for a day,
and then go back to acting in a healthy way,
doing mitzvahs, and growing.

It does work very well for my diet/health in general, because having this once in 
2 months outlet, helps keep me on track the other 59 or so days.
As long as I eat only kosher foods and say a bracha, HaShem lets.
But with tyvahs nashim, HaShem doesn't let me have an "anything I want" day...ever.
This makes it a lot more difficult to succeed long-term.

2 full weeks clean.
-------------------------
Here's another great story/joke from Rav Fishel Shechter:
(Enjoy!)
A single guy, down on his luck, decides to travel a long distance to the Sar HaMazel.
He says that he is tired of always doing things for other people, and never for himself.
On his way, he passes a lion, a princess, and a tree.
Each one tells him to ask about their mazel, 
since he is going anyway.
The lion is always weak and tired and can barely move.
The princess can't seem to find her life match and is still single.
And the tree feels it isn't growing right, and that something is wrong with it.
I'm always doing for other people and not myself. He keeps complaining,
but he agrees to ask for them.

When he gets there, the Sar HaMazel says that he can ONLY ask about other
people and not himself. He is so frustrated and angry. He is always doing things
for others and never for himself. O.K. he asks about the mazel of all 3 of those 
he passed on his way.

On his way home he passes first the tree. The tree asks him about his mazel. 
The guy starts complaining and says can you believe it, I went all the way there,
and he wouldn't even tell me anything about my mazel. He did, however, tell me about yours.
He said that you have a very big treasure chest buried in the ground that is
blocking the growth of your roots. Unless it is removed, you will not be able
to grow normal and be healthy. Then, will you please remove it? the tree asks.
Dig it up so that I can live and grow, and it's yours.
No, no. I've had enough! I'm always doing for others and never for myself.
I'm not interested in helping you. And no matter how much the tree
tried to reason and plead with him,
he moved on toward his home.

Next, about 15 minutes before sunset, he sees the princess.
She asks him what the Sar HaMazel said. He starts to complain:
do you know how far I had to travel and walk to get there.
And then, he didn't even tell me about
my mazel. He would only tell me about other's mazel.
So what did he say, the princess asked again.
He said that if you get married today, before sundown, you will be happily married
all the rest of your days. And not only that, but your children from this union
will all become tzadikim. Then, quickly, let's get married this instant, she says. 
Nothing doing. I am done helping other people. 
All I do is help other people, and I never do anything for myself.
She tries to reason with him and convince him, but to no avail.
And leaving her in tears, as the sun sets, he continues on toward his home.

He then passes the lethargic lion. He says what did the Sar HaMazel say? What's wrong 
with me. First, the guy complains that the Sar HaMazel had a terrible rule that he would only
answer me about others and didn't help me at all. I wasted so much time and effort going there.
My life is so awful and filled with frustrations that I don't even know why I bother going on living.
I'm sick and tired of always doing for other people and never for myself.
But what did the Sar HaMazel say about me, the lion asked. 
He said that if you find a fool who is always complaining, who doesn't see the good in life,
and is so closed-minded that he doesn't even see the brachas around him, that HaShem
has set up for him to enjoy, and you eat him, then all of your strength will be restored.

We think what an idiot. How ridiculous. What a moron.
But Rav Shechter finished by saying that we are all too similar to the foolish dead guy.
Doing for others, very often is intertwined with really helping ourselves. And we all need to 
open our eyes and see all the brachas around us that HaShem sets up for us to enjoy.
Good Shabbos! Chanuka Somaoch! And Chodesh Tov!
or GSCSACT as some might write.

As Rav Solomon says: "Oh, it's about a single guy, so it's not relevant to me."

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 30 Dec 2016 11:39:

(trying the official quote feature I think for the first time)
Anyway, my wife had 2 amazing ideas, to get around this problem:

1. find out how many times the negative behavior that HaShem does not want
is happening a month, on average, over 3 months of keeping track.
Let's say the number is 8 times a month. Then, decide that next month that you are
going to cut down and will not fail more than 6 times.
You never actually schedule in a failure day or try to fail,
but each time you do that negative action, you keep track of it.
And once you get to 6, that's it...and you make sure that it doesn't happen again
until at least the start of the next month. 
If the next 3 months, you are able to average only 6 times,
then you move that number down to 4...

2. every 15 days you succeed, you reward yourself.
It could be a backrub or a night out for a hot chocolate, whatever.
This will help once you get to about 9, since you are pretty close to the reward/treat/prize.
You are rewarding positive behavior, and giving weight to the accomplishment,
and hopefully, that will give you chizuk to continue succeeding.

These are both great ideas...
and the fact that my wife thought of them and shared them with me, 
is a VERY good sign, indeed.
I think the 2nd one will work better for me,
since I am not acting out so often/several times a month.
And look, I am now at 15 days, so I'm ready for my first prize/treat/incentive!

3. I do think that for something like night seder, I can use the "anything-I-want" day approach,
and if I learn 20 night seders in a row, then I can take 2 AIW days,
and those nights go out and do anything I want (within reason).
Looking forward to an "earned" vacation, should help keep me on track and focused
the whole month of 20 night seders.

I hope these 3 ways, will help other people too.
It's the last night of Chanuka; let's make it count!

Another day.
Listening to tons of Aish.com short video shiurs/stories.
Don't know what else to say. It's the 8th day of Chanuka...a holy time for sure.
And even though it's not really the new year for us, it's probably a good thing
to use it for introspection and reflection...making goals and choosing a direction.
I hope this year will be a year of growth and success.

We do some of the above ways for our children. Big chart in the kitchen with boxes and they get to choose reward when column or row is completed. Mitzvah notes work as well. Wishing you success.

I've been reading around a lot. And the best quote I found is Watson's:

"Welcome. You're in the right place.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and me own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking."
----------------------
I let youtube in the door to get new music for Chanuka,
and then football highlights, and then news, and then well, you guessed it...
an unhealthy look at body parts.
Closed the door now hopefully for good. 
Caught myself in time not to fall further, but feel like a fool regardless.
No streaming is difficult and restrictive, but doesn't let the yetzer hara in the door.
--------------------
Life is good.
We have to just keep on learning and improving and upping our game,
so that we don't fall for the same dumb tricks it has suckered us into in the past.
Have a great day!

I like this one too, from Markz:

"Many, many guys fall because of self-centeredness and depression.

If they would be falling off the chair with laughter,

or better, with positive vibes, they wouldn't be falling..."
--------------------------
Very true.

I also have found that if I fill myself with Torah...
regular learning or listening to awesome, uplifting shiurim,
then I'm in a much better mental place and feel better about myself,
and am much less vulnerable to fall, chas v'shalom.
-------------
Also, I have found that youtube is evil. And should be avoided.
Specifically, because there are good, interesting "allowable" things on there,
is why it's so evil. You get sucked into it.
And then, before you know what's happening,
you are watching body parts.

My experience with YouTube is that it's not evil. I enjoy YouTube very much.

Just in case you are serious, are you telling me that you never find yourself
watching things that are questionable or worse,
even though when you started, it was something justifiable?
That has been my experience EVERY single time
(sometimes, there's a few day time delay).

I am 100% serious. Yes, I have found myself watching questionable things, but now I don't watch those anymore. I watch Football, I watch FBE and React... I am also subscribed to a couple of YouTubers. Just because it's your experience doesn't mean that it's everyone else's.

Would you also advise someone on this website to watch youtube,
since there are good, enjoyable things on there,
OR would you realize that it's probably not a good idea, 
since the possibility of slipping and seeing questionable or much worse
things on youtube is hard to resist??
----------------------
This is without even talking about asking a Rav if it's a good idea,
since there is no filter. It's all right there. Once youtube is on,
very bad, spiritually harmful things are available with a few clicks.
Yes, not actual porn, but close enough.
-------------------
I highly doubt my experience is unique...which is why I wrote what I did
as a warning to help other people, not make the mistake I did.

I posted a new story / lesson from Rav Fishel Shechter on the Beis Medrash thread.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 02 Jan 2017 19:08:

I would advise people to be true to themselves. If that means avoiding YouTube, then that's fine. Whatever is right for them.