Hey Steve,

Thanks a lot. I got a lot going on at the moment so I haven't been so active here, but I will call you one of these days. Hope Shabbos was good!

This Shabbos I had a lot of herring at a kiddish.

So i'll await your call with baited breath....

Oh Steve,

That was absolutely horrendous. I was just talking about herring with someone before I saw your post - funny. Anyway, I'm doing all right here. I started my chashuva internship and it's going really well so far. I have a good schedule, I mind my own business more or less, and steer clear of trouble. When a person is productive and doing good things with their life, they are so happy I think. Just gotta keep that focus.

Day 4 I think: Great!

Hey dude!
Glad you're doing well! Everything is going well on my end. I kinda wish people would post in my thread, but I guess you've got to dish it out to get it back, and I haven't been putting in that time lately

Call me sometime, especially if you are feeling weak. That is the hardest thing to do, but it's the most effective way to get rid of the lust.

Hey...hope you're doing OK. Sorry I haven't been around much. Feel free to give me a call anytime, and keep on rocking!

I'm gonna stay more in contact with you guys IYH. Struggla reached out to me so that was nice and I'll call him every now and then. Battle, can you IM me ur number? I don't think I have it. I would like to meet you at some point too - maybe we can make that happen sometime.

I had a very good Shabbos. Spent it at a friend's house. Didn't have any problems BH. I'm getting stronger with G-d's help again.

Day 6; Two thumbs up

Hey Noya,

Nice to read your thread. Lot's of info that was applicable to me...

I'm one day behind you, let's hope it remains that way  . Good luck with your internship!

Another good day today. It was rather tedious at the office today because I was working on this one project all day long that I just wasn't chapping. I still haven't finished it, which means that tomorrow I'll still be at it, but oh well, I'll survive. I do enjoy the work overall though, so it's turning out to be a fairly enjoyable summer thus far BH. The chizuk email today said it all I think. As long as we don't have anything missing in our lives, we shouldn't feel in pain. I would like to add something that I said quickly earlier, but it's starting to make more sense now with me.

I personally find that I am happiest when I am "in the zone." Being in the zone means that day in and day out I am PRODUCING. I am using my time well, doing good things, whether that be learning, making money by doing something engaging at work (or sometimes not so engaging, but you have some of each I guess), studying for school, whatever. I am NOT wasting time watching hours of stupidity or playing hours of video games.

When I am wasting time I feel that void open up. It's opening because my neshomo is crying out that it can do MORE and I'm not even doing a fraction of what I could be doing. And as a result of not producing I act out because that's the easiest way to quell that void.

Of course, by engaging in such an activity no void is ever filled. If anything, the guilt and frustration over doing soemthing you know is wrong just makes things worse than ever. Over Shabbos I realized that, olam haba and other spiritual considerations aside, there is absolutely no justification to do any aveira even from a net present value perspective.

After all, let's say you give in to the urge to masturbate. How much pleasure does that get you already? Twenty minutes max. But what happens afterwards? You're (at least I am) out of commission the entire rest of the day because you feel guilty. You can't function. People know that you're miserable (they ask me all the time "what's wrong?" after I act out so clearly it's written all over my face that I'm miserable) and this feeling of misery is vastly more potent and lasting than the pleasure obtained from sinning (which usually is closer to five minutes or less).

So there you have it, from a pure business perspective it just isn't worth the price, olam haba aside.

Day 8: Very good!

Same here! When I'm being productive there's hardly any urge to do anything stupid. It's when the boredom comes that we get into deep trouble. If you get into any of that, please call me before you do anything stupid (and I'll do the same).

Today was a bit rough. Had a few nisyonos in transit and I need chizuk in shmiras ainayim. After all, what's so bad about a glance here or there? Let's put on our thinking caps and tell NOYA the answer. Also, today was very boring, and I am feeling somewhat lonely and put out. So I'm trying to be more social than usual in response. Hopefully it worked. Anyhoo, it's only the beginning of the week and I gotta beef up!

Day 9: Pretty good. Thanks Strug!

What's wrong with a few glances? Well, I could point out that you're cluttering up your head with images you don't need, you're following your Lust, and allowing it to control you...but let me ask you another question: Do you really want to look? I mean, aside from the desire, is that what you want?

Hmm, well you definitely have a good point about letting lust be in control. Lust is that machine in me that delivers a good time at a terrible cost. It makes me unhappy and frustrated, and anything that fuels this machine is therefore something  you gotta stay away from.

If you look at the pretty women, it will activate the lust, which will make you do something that you will regret later. Hmm, maybe. As for do I want to look or not, well that's a damn good question. I was going to say, "Are you retarded?! Of course I want to look!" but maybe that isn't true. My addiciton wants to do it very much, and physiologically I want to do it because it is an easy source of pleasure, but then again, is it really something I want be-etzem? I have to think about that more.

Day 11: Pretty good success overall. Had a few nisyonos on the trip to work, but I learned as much as I could deespite having attractive girls sitting next to me.

If you don't call soon, worry in my head may form.
Have you been kidnapped, password from you torn?
Did he have to torture you, did he have to break your knees?
I'm so sorry for the gore, but to worry I am prone.
So please put my mind at ease,
and pick up your da mn phone.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I was gonna PM him with something similar, but you put it more eloquently than i ever could have!

NOYA - glad to hear that things are going well!

You know what long periods of no posting means, right? Yeah, I've been really really bad lately. I need to find a night seder chevrusa, I need to make some friends here because I feel so lonely not knowing anybody in my new apartment (just for the summer), and I guess that loneliness and lack of structure got me to crash and burn pretty hard. I haven't worked up the enthusiasm to stop yet. I am so numb. Yikes.