Hey silentbattle and Steve, great hearing from you guys again! I missed you while the forum was down. At least I got to hear Steve's dulcet tones on the call while it was out.

Shlomo! Is this Shlomo from the call? I don't think you posted here before - could be wrong - I've seen your posts though I think on Briut's thread? Not sure, but in any event thank you for stopping by and giving me nice comments.

Today was a good day overall. However, I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like I'm being too lazy in terms of putting in effort into learning and shiur and kodesh stuff and that I'm not motivated enough to up the ante. I have to figure out how to get back up to full strength and power through until the end of the zman, which for me isn't that far away at all. Davening is always good. Maybe I'll try that.

Day 14: Good stuff. Keeping aware of perceptions and motives. Shmiras ainayim doing well. Successfully looked away from two nisyonos today! Yeah!

Hey Noya and Shlomo - missed youz guys on the call yesterday -

COME BAAAK, LITTLE SHEEBA!!

I was expecting to be dragging my feet to the finish line today but remarkably I had a very nice morning seder and shiur. I wasted a decent amount of time playing computer games today, and really have to cut down on it. It's been a while since I've had a good game to play and I finally got one again. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing; probably bad.

Anyway, overall I'm doing well, keeping busy with good things. I jammed with a guy tonight, so that was very nice.

I had a nisayon today. There's a cute girl who works in the office and she asked me to help her with some forms, so I had to look at her while she was talking to me, and I saw my mind doing its thing while she was talking to me. After the 15 second encounter I got a grip on myself, and said, "Yeah, she's pretty. What am I gonna do about it? Nothing. It's just not worth it. And come on, have more respect for the poor girl! She probably feels very self conscious being the only attractive girl in the whole building and she doesn't need any more eyes on her."

Wow, that sounded nice. I don't think that actually went through my head, but it's a good point.

Uch! Looking at girls is mamash such a taanug for me - I have to learn that it's a discretionary pleasure that can be given up just the same way I gave up other taanugim, like traife food before I was frum. And besides, in return for giving this little pleasure up, I'm sure Hashem will concentrate the infinitely superior pleasure of davening and learning much more than I feel now, because it's very hard to tap into that ruchnius if the body is still trained to react to other things.

Day 15: Doing well!

Everything you said is absolutely true...but I also think that we've become used to the very idea that looking at girls and fantasizing is a taanug. Something that nebach, we have to give up.

I believe that it's possible to see it as a relief, a burden we don't have to bear anymore.

And the benefits of giving up lust are in ruchniyos, but also in our relationships with others, and ourselves...not to mention once you start dating, you can see people more clearly if you're not caught up in lust.

Glad to hear you're doing week,
have a great shabbos!

Silentbattle, you always have good things to say. Hmm, seeing it as a burden we don't have to bear anymore, huh? I guess that's exactly what it is, when it all comes down to it. After all, I guess that it's just like drugs. Someone who takes drugs gets addicted to it, needs that rush that drugs give him, and once he decides to quit, it's giving up something that has taken over his life.

I hear that there's a book out there that deals with quitting smoking, and in that book the author describes a smoker as someone who has tight shoes on, and for that person, the act of smoking "loosens the shoes" temporarily. But, someone in that status basically is worse off than the guy with shoes that fit, namely the guy who never got addicted in the first place.

So too with looking at girls, it's a pleasure that we miss, but that addiction puts us at a lower level of contentment and well being than a normal person who does not suffer from this desire, at least not to such an extreme level. I have to realize this, that by abstaining I am going to get a pair of normal shoes, so I won't crave these things so much.

And it doesn't only make us uncomfortable, you're right on, silentbattle; it makes our relationships with others so much more superficial and flaky because you're always thinking about other things and not able to give them your full attention, and especially with dating - well, I'm not gonna think about that just yet - but I definitely need to get better before I start!

I'm sitting with Anon on our way to a beautiful Shabbos somewhere on the eastern seaboard. I'm listening to a Chopin Nocturne, the most refined gashmius there is. Geshmack.

Have a great Shabbos, everybody!

Day 16: Did great! There were a few nisyonos here and there, but did well.

I had a great Shabbos with Anon. It was very relaxing and we had some good conversations to say the least. I was pretty good, but my body still craves taivah very much. Today I had another urination/ejaculation, like I had around two months ago. Usually I only get them when I haven't been totally honest with myself, and was really slipping intentionally or doing stuff like that. The release felt good and made me want to do some more, which is really annoying because that was totally not my fault this time. Well, can't do anything about it - it was not mea culpa and I shouldn' feel bad about something out of my control. 

Today is going well so far. Had a nice walk with my mom for Mother's Day, got some exercise, and am getting ready to start being productive now that I wasted two hours goofing off.

Day 18: Going well so far!

18 days!

awesome!!!

YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO 18:life!!

A NEW LIFE!

Keep up the great work.  We are all here for you.

Thanks DovinIsrael and sci. Sciguy! Where have you been? It's been a long long time.

Thanks for the moral support, chevra. I need it.

I had such a weird day with all these discharges. I had a discharge three times today after urinating. Strange strange strange.

But I'm sober.

See you on the call tomorrow!

Glad to hear that, all told, you're doing well, and still clean - keep on rocking!

If I made it past today in one piece, that's good. Today was my cyber friend's birthday, and I was tempted to send her a message to congratulate her on it. But I have a geder not to initiate any contact, so I couldn't. But then I was klerring, "Well, y'know, only one time, it'll be quick, whatever. Start stop communication. I can do it, etc." And then, whoa, today is also Yesod shebeyesod. No coincidences in life, man. Her English birthday comes out on one day of the year that you do NOT want to mess up in inyanei kedusha.

So I didn't, and nothing happened. She didn't send anything to me, or vice versa. Made it. Thank you Hashem for the reminder! Otherwise, things are going well and had a very good day, Baruch Hashem.

Day 19: Rocking and rolling, praised be G-d.

Whew!

That's awesome - KOT!!!

You're gonna make it dude! We're all gonna make it!
YAY for optimism!!  8)

Not nice to make me cry, Noya.

Only kiddin 'bout the not word - the tears are real.

Tears of happiness, tears of fellowship.

I'm becoming a real sot in my old age.

Plus I got a coawd in my dose.

.... pass me another tree, will ya?

I have a smile on my face from your responses. I didn't understand the end of your reply, Steve, but I felt the warmth of the fellowship there mamash. And of course, YAY for optimism, Ano! A good attitude is definitely key to success, and thanks for the haskama, SB !

I missed the call today for the first time simply because I forgot about it. I went to a shiur instead, and then there was something else that came up, and before I knew it, it was already 2 o clock. Manana I guess.

Does anyone have any recommendation on how to get fired up for the end of zman, and to get the ol' energy up for learning and the ol' excitement blaring again? I've felt so sluggish and haven't been up to 100 % for a very long time, and I want to get back there, especially with Shvuous around the corner.

Today was a good day in terms of the good fight. There was no fight, which is good! The yetzer is lying low for now - he'll come back in a few days I'm sure, but nothing worth worrying about now. Okay, gotta do some HW.

Day 20: Good day!