Thank you so much, Steve and silentbattle! I really am raised up and it means so much to me when you two give me chizuk and advice. And of course, you're absolutely right about when I should start again. The pasuk tells us that you can connect to Hashem anytime, "Hayom im bekolo tishmau." It doesn't matter what's going on - you can get it today. So I did it and went to the mikvah today and I also wrote up a brand new list of gedarim that covers up holes that weren't considered falls last time around.

But none of this stuff is going to help me by myself. I recognize that I am truly powerless over this thing. Hashem is going to help me because He loves me, because He can, and because I ask Him to.

Let's do this!

Fantastically glad to hear it - enjoy!

Wowie!!

Can we call you "Master Noya" of the Jedi Council?

Your desire for deveykus hashem is inspiring me again. May HKBH fulfill ALL your requests, because they are motivated by such pure motives.

Thank you NOYA. Thank You!!!

Had a pretty good day today, Baruch Hashem. I like that title, Steve. Feel free to call me whatever you want to. Keep on doing mitzvos Hashem and growing everybody, because that's the stuff of life!

Day 1: Solid first day!

Don't worry, Noya. I'll call you anything but late for supper....

Have a GREAT SHABBOS!! stay OUT of isolation this weekend. And look on the bright side - You're gonna get DC in your backyard this week.

Stay Cool, jewel....

In my backyard, huh? Where do you mean? Anyway, thanks for the wishes for a great Shabbos.

I had a wonderful day today. Today I implemented some techniques I learned from Zelig Pliskin's "Gateway to Happiness" to put a positive spin on seemingly negative situations. Basically, I discovered that around $250  worth of stuff was missing today from my personal items. I rushed to another building to check if perhaps it had been moved, and instead was greeted by someone I really dislike who informed me that I owe him $35 from something I didn't seriously think he would charge me for (well, 20 I did know, but I thought he was kidding about the other fifteen). So I got a double whammy of losing money this morning.

I was really upset and frustrated about it, but then i remembered that if something happened, no matter how you feel about it, no matter how upset or angry or resentful you get, it's not going to magically conjure up my lost items. And I let go, and moved on with my day and enjoyed the rest of it despite being down a lot of money.

I didn't turn to my medicine of choice. I turned to G-d because I said to myself it it's all for a reason, and it's a kapara. I feel good that I was able to salvage my day with Hashem.

Day 2: Doing well!

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK . YOU DA MAN!!!

I'm also suffering from bad allergies- the up my nose ones!! I commiserate with you, bro!!

My Mistake about DC. I thought you're in EY, and we know he'll be broadcasting from there next week.

Anywho, have a GREAT Shabbos!!

Very impressive. It doesn't always help me 100% to do that, but reminding myself does help somewhat!

Glad to hear that you're doing well, I hope you find your stuff...

SB

Hiya Steve and Silentbattle. Hope you guys are doing well. Today was such a lazy day. It was raining, and rainy the entire time so that puts one in a sleepy, lackadaisical kind of frame of mind. I had a lot to do today, but somehow it didn't get done because I was too blah and tired and unfocused. But at least I wasn't hanging out in bad places in my mind, just lazy places. I need to get my butt in gear and study hard, for tomorrow there's a test I am not prepared for yet at all.

Day 4: Good!

Thanks!

I'm really happy to hear that even on "down" days, you're still doing great!

Things are good, Baruch Hashem. My cyber sexting friend texted me last night, telling me that she was lonely. I didn't get the text message until this morning though because my phone was off. Anyway, I have good gedarim in place to make sure things don't get messed up there. I am not allowed to initiate any conversation, and if she talks to me, I'll only respond in a curt, friendly, but non sexual way, designed to not elicit a response back, so as not to enter a conversation. It sounds a little convoluted, and I might tighten the reins later, but for now, I don't think it's right for me to all out ignore the girl. After all, I feel like I took advantage of her recently, so it wouldn't be right to be a jerk and ignore normal things she says.

Anyway, keep me in check in case things start sounding too fishy here. Today was good. I had a tough test, but hopefully I did well. New sugya Wednesday! Definitely good news.

Day 5: Pretty good! Aware of my perceptions and motives.

Noya, I was looking around and came across your posts.  I was impressed with your struggles and I think you are doing an excellent job!

I think your blog is an excellent viewpoint into yourself.  We struggle and we feel lost and don't know how we are going to make it from day to day.  Seemingly we cannot decide what actions we need to take and the attitude we need to have to find our way.  I believe that just by reading your blog in a objective manner you can find the answers in all the questions and musings that you have posted.  It takes time but look in the mirror and you will find the way.  Btw, remember when you are looking in that mirror that you are seeing a superstar because only the best can be part of this all-star teem that is here.

Glad to hear that things are good for you.

I've said this before, and you can feel free to disagree with me, but your desire to be "fair" with this friend of yours is not coming from a good, or a healthy, place. You know that, right?

Hey chevra,

Thanks for stopping by as always. Today was a pretty solid day. I learned a lot of Torah, a bit more than my usual Tuesday, and am on target for a specific learning goal I have, which should be complete by June, and I'm excited about that. Classes were good, nothing bad happened today, and also I woke up feeling really great for a change, instead of feeling decimated by allergies. Thank you, Hashem for making Claritin-D work the way it does.

Ah, strugglingyid, thank you for your comments. I actualyl read through my whole thread once a while ago, and it was pretty cool to see the story of my life (well, since last November anyway) played out, both the good and bad times. I'm not sure if my thread has all the answers to all the questions, but maybe I'll take another look one of these days. And yes! We do have an all star team here. Ano, if you're reading this, remember that.

And silentbattle, I think I am being honest with myself this time and really analyzing every move I make well. She's definitely getting my vibe because she hasn't emitted a peep all day to me. I have a geder that I don't talk to her and things are gonna work IYH.

Day 6: Great day!

Glad to hear that you're feeling well.

Your geder is good, but I know that for me, it was a stronger step when i said, "these people are not part of my life anymore, and I don't have anything to do with them. I can't." For me, worrying about her feelings was still being connected to her.

And yes, it felt crummy. But being in touch, on any level, once I'd said goodbye, was never a good thing.