Keep it up, bro! Enjoy being home and clean! ;D And please - dance!

Sorry I missed you, by the way

Hey dude,
How was shabbos? Everything went well here :D

Shabbos was very nice here. The weather was absolutely awful but somehow we all survived. I had to tremp for a shabbos day meal and ended up at a meal that took forever, but at least it was yummy. I stayed at the dude's house for a little nap, learned a little, then finished up Shabbos at shul and came home. I just saw a great movie with my little sister called "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs." Nice clean movie that was very entertaining. For anyone out there looking for a nice family movie, this is a winner.

Anyway, Shabbos was a little difficult. The desire is definitely still there to masturbate and to look at porn and to do all the same aveiros. I feel as if I'm somewhat removed from it though. It feels like it's been a long time since I've done anything wrong. I guess that's good. Keep on trucking, NOYA!

Day 50: Very nice overall.

Glad to hear that you're feeling good!

We always know that the option is there, but we don't have to listen to it. We have these habits in the back of our heads, but being aware of it doesn't mean we have to listen to it.

KOT!!

Same thing here NOYA. That nagging voice doesn't seem to shut up. But I just turn the music up louder and let it fade into oblivion. It's not too much fun though

Depends what kind of music we're listening to  ;D

In all seriousness, though, there is a certain good feeling, and even amusement, at the realization that I don't have to listen to my desires. It's quite an epiphany when you're able to see it happen in your own life, in slow-motion.

The epiphany only happens after the desire goes away. But while the desire is there and I'm trying to ignore it, there is certainly no good feeling and no amusement.

I won't say it happens all the time - but you can reach a certain state of awareness where you can see the desire as being separate from yourself. It's true - all you have to do is see it as such while it's happening. Quite liberating!

I can sort of relate to what you're saying SB. I was just beginning to experience seeing it separately, until I messed up my streak. In hindsight, I feel that it wasn't the most completely honest streak so I'm kind of glad I fell because if I do this 90 days thing I want to do it right. So this time, IYH, it will be better. Better fences, better guards, and most importantly a better attitude. That attitude is twofold:
First of all, no f*(&*(king around with the rules. My rules are THE RULES. Don't mess with them, NOYA. Also, just focus on living man!

Day 1: Excellent!

Keep on trucking NOYA! you have much wisdom in your heart, it shows. you will make it there

Good to hear NOYA!

I'm right here riding next to you. You have great courage and I see a great future for you. Man I sound like a fortune cookie.

Be good bro!

-Yiddle

Hey guys, thanks for the chizuk. I deactivated my Facebook account last night to preempt anything bad happening over there. Even though I messed up my streak I feel that at least something has changed within me. It's much more natural to look away from pritzus. I successfully looked away from all three nisyonos I had yesterday and didn't take a second look. I'm happy that Hashem is allowing me to do that sort of thing.

Have a great day!

Sorry to hear that you fell - but the streak that you had, despite the fact that it wasn't as good as you wanted it to be, is still a huge step, that WILL help you. You got some distance from it, and now you can build on that, improve it.

Rock on!

I am stuck in a place I don't want to be. I'm being criticized every day so many times by so many people - I'm not used to it and it's really making me upset. I hate my job so much, and I don't see any hope whatsoever for being clean over Pesach. I hate this, hate it hate it hate it. And I can't be home for Pesach because there's gonna be kashrus and chametz issues I can't do anything about. I think next year I'll find a good friend and stay by him the whole yontef. I am so sick and tired of being a mashgiach. I quit!

Big hug from a friend who cares about you.

Try to take some time off every day to be alone, call a friend (you can ask Ano for my number), and remind yourself that you are a fantastic person. That Hashem knows how great you are, and so do lots of wonderful people.

And - don't listen to the yetzer hora. He's trying to tell you that when the stress builds up, you HAVE to listen to him. You HAVE to give in. And it just isn't true. You can accept that it's stressful, and still be clean. Think about how wonderful you'll feel afterward! Think of how proud of yourself you'll be!

And always remember - one day at a time. Don't wory how long you'll last, but today - stay clean.